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21-4-2009 - Am I being too mean?

My mood while writing this blog: Confused

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My husband started playing this online game for a month now and it's really bugging me. It's just a strategy game where you own a piece of territory and you have to decide what to build first to make your country strong. For example, should you build the military first or should you make some farms, you ladies get the idea?

Well, he played game as soon as he gets home from work and stay up until 1 or 2 in the morning. When I go to work, he would turn on the computer and played game too. He works in the afternoon, he don't need to be up around 7, he can get up at 11 am if he wants too. As a result, he rarely eats the food I cook for him because he's so busy into the game that he had to pick up fast food and go to work.

So last week, I told him that if he don't go to sleep by midnight, he will have to sleep in the living room. I did that to him last week. When it was almost 1 am, I threw his pillows and blanket out in the living room and he slept on the floor. Then on Sunday, we finally got into a huge argument about him playing game too much and not doing some backyard works. I've just discovered there is a poison ivy jungle at the back of our trailer. I've asked him and his nephew to go and pull down those nasty plants and they all had excuses. I said I will hire someone to do it then, and they seemed ok! After the argument I ended up crying and drove over to my parents' house and stayed there. In the evening, he finally apologized and said he was sorry.

Well, last night, he got home and same as usual, played game for an hour, then shower, then rushed to eat as soon I walk out to tell him to go to sleep. He keep saying "I'm going to sleep soon, you go to sleep first" . Well, I threw out his pillows and blanket again and locked the bedroom door. As soon he saw that, he quietly turned off the computer and laid out the blanket and sleep on the floor. I felt kind of bad because I started to miss him so much. The thought of sleeping alone without your husband is so miserable. I could hear him snoring in the living room and here I am alone feeling so cold on a big bed.

So I went to the living room and asked him to come inside and sleep but he refused and wouldn't talk to me. I felt so bad that I couldn't sleep. Well, the rib and hip pains plus bathroom trips keeps me awake every night already. Every time I get up to use to bathroom, I would check on him and he was snoring and sleeping peacefully. This morning when I was about to leave for work. He got up too and I took the pillows and blanket in the bedroom. I came over and hugged him from the back because he was getting some salt and water to rinse his mouth. He got a sore throat and was coughing (I swear it was from staying up late and getting up early to play that freaking game). I said I was sorry, but he didn't say anything to me. Now I don't know if he's upset at me or not. I had told him before, but it seems like he choose to play the game rather than going to sleep with me. His nephew said that it's better that my husband likes to play game than to likes something else, such as drinking or gambling. You might wonder why his nephew is living with us and not with his mom is another long story for me to explain :-D

I don't know, I want him to have some leisure time before our boy arrives, but part of it I want him to be prepare to be a dad. Am I being too mean to my husband?

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15 Comments on Am I being too mean?


zombiebaby - Wednesday, 22 Apr
You have every reason to be mad! You have little time left before your little one arrives and you should spend as much of the time together!

col - Tuesday, 21 Apr
hi there-
i think it's really important that you shared with him how you feel. don't worry about 'feeling mean' - you're not mean actually your very smart- it shows that you have self respect and know that you shouldn't come second to the computer & video game. if his computer playing were normal i am sure it wouldn't bother you.

i will pray that he is convicted by God to put you first. a great movie you guys could watch together is called "fireproof" also after that one i'd recommend "facing the giants"-

i believe God has a great plan for both of you!

take care of yourself right now- try to rest even though i know dealing with this behavior has to be emotionally taxing. - take a bath- read a book- sleep:-)

happyinvention - Tuesday, 21 Apr
youre not being mean at all. whether its 'just a game" or not really doesnt matter- it's upsetting you! that should be what matters the MOST to him. my husband plays video games for maybe an hour a day during the weekdays- sometimes not at all. I told him it hurt my feelings that he wanted to play all night, and that the family and i didnt see him much. He apologized and understood!


i would just take advantage of the extra room on the bed until he stops being a jerk ;) and dont let ANYONE tell you "at least its not gambling or cheating on you" because that's silly. any addiction is bad- and no one has the right to tell you to stop feeling the way you do- especially for how preggy we are!

Stevens0204 - Tuesday, 21 Apr
well thats a tosss up... i see the point that he is home and aleast not out and about but on the other hand you have to have "me" time. I know how you feel girl!!! My husband is a freak with sports and there is always espn on or something dumb. We have gotten into plenty of fights over it but doesn't seem to matter. he also goes out on monday nights and saturday night with the guys and I also feel like everyone else comes before me:( I do see that sometimes he does try but most of the time that is not good enough. I guess you need to prove your point and maybe he will get the idea?? Good luck

My Tiny Little Miracle - Tuesday, 21 Apr
I feel you are overeacting a little, is better that he is home playing some game than been out there drinking or doing something else, sometimes I want all the attention to me, specially my husband love baseball and I am in the living room or computer alone and he is in the bedroom watching baseball, but it is okay, at least he is here for me, and he takes care of me when I need him.

jenjen6907 - Tuesday, 21 Apr
oh Im sorry youre dealing with that and then made to feel guilty about it too. but like everyone else said. you have a legitimate right to ask him to stop spending all his time woth the game. the thing is, its not really better than drinking or gambling. its the same thing. its addiction. he needs to prioritize and keep it reasonably in perspective, or quit entirely. he should decide with you exactly how much time is reasonable to spend on the game, and keep it to the scheduled time, making you and your baby-to-be a bigger priority. the fact that he's making you feel bad indirectly is another sign that its an addiction. otherwise he wouldnt need to be so defensive or protective of it. I hope it gets better for you :( you seem like such a nice person.

babyblakesmommy - Tuesday, 21 Apr
My bf did the same thing a few months ago and I was so irritated but I thought I was just being too mean too! I tried talking to him and compromising so he would watch the time better and have certain days he wouldn't play and that didn't work out... it worked for about two days and it was back to the same old thing. Well finally I got so mad about it that he rarely ever plays it now just to avoid a fight which I don't feel bad about because he couldn't compromise with me like we agreed! I would just talk to him about it!

tifftiff - Tuesday, 21 Apr
Thank you so much ladies for your advices. I will try to talk to my husband, again. I'm pretty wimpy, I always end up crying when I talk to him about an issue; especially if it's a confrontation :-D

I think hmm923 is right, with this game, he can really control all of the moves. He feel proud when he defeats some online players. The game allow you to build your military and go steal other people's resources such as metal, wood, and wheat. Each time you do something to the game, it takes about 30 minutes to 2 hours to build something, so he had to constantly check on it.

Another thing is, he and his nephew has all sort of games, from online to video games. A few months ago, the nephew had the habit of renting movies from McDonald and turned it on at the time my husband get home from work! So he stayed up and watch the movie with his nephew and wouldn't go to sleep until the movie ends, like 1 something. After I told the nephew not to turn on any movies after 10 pm, then my husband discovered this online game. The nephew's situation is kinda of sad, his dad died when he was around 5 or 6, him mom remarried but travels around the world with her new husband. She visit him every now and then and she would go off to another country again. She did some paperwork for him to come over here to the U.S. and now he's staying with us. Well, we are stuck with him. He's 21, he's very cute and funny, but sometimes so lazy, sometimes I just want to spank him. He doesn't like to go to school or go to work. He used to lived a lavish lifestyle because his mom would send him money every month so he didn't have to worry about anything. My husband and I are taking care of him as our child in a way. His mom is my husband's older sister, so he's my nephew too. I had thought of changing the password to the game account but I thought that might be too harsh. I'll try to talk to him and if nothing change then I guess he really need to sleep in the living room floor then. I will mention that he will have to change the baby's diaper too! Lots of kisses to all mommies and babies, hope everyone are healthy!

dollhouse - Tuesday, 21 Apr
My husband rarely comes to bed with me because of video games. Granted, I have to get up earlier than him and I go to bed much earlier. He will stay up until 2 in the morning when he has to be up by 7:30. I think it's ridiculous, but it's his only vice and my only complaint about him, so I pretty much ignore it. It's really the only time he plays, so it's not cutting into our time together. I do tell him that if he's going to be up that late when the baby comes, he better not expect me to be changing diapers! He's already up anyway! I feel for you and when the game starts to intervene with your time together, it's probably not healthy for your relationship.

mizzgraham - Tuesday, 21 Apr
I agree. You're not being mean. You want to spend time with your husband before your bundle of joy comes. He should want the same.

BBgirl1983 - Tuesday, 21 Apr
I agree 110% with hmm923... Those games ARE addictive..me myself am guilty of playing them, it doesnt seem like that long but if i watch the time, I see that what seems like 30 minutes has actually been 3 hrs... try talking to him..

juliesauber - Tuesday, 21 Apr
hmm923 sounds totally right on!

tabby-may09 - Tuesday, 21 Apr
i dont think ur being mean..might as well stop it now before the baby comes cuz he wont have time for it then lol

hmm923 - Tuesday, 21 Apr
Those games can be really addictive, you're not being mean to be concerned. You're not asking him not to play at all, just to make sure you can have a life in addition to the game.

I think this might just be a control thing with him. You're about to have a baby, there's so little he can control right now in his life and this game offers a whole world that's completely his where he controls everything.

Try having a reasonable discussion with him. Tell him you miss him, you understand he likes the game but that you need to feel like you're a priority as well. I don't think you're being mean at all.

Hang in there!

bjh - Tuesday, 21 Apr
no youre not being too mean.. Id disconect the internet! haha.. but I AM mean... this game is causing a problem in your relationship.. and that's not good.. you two need to sit down and talk about it..