tracylouella's I-am-pregnantblog

tracylouella
	Age: 26 Country: CA Province/region: British columbia City: Vancouver Partner: Cameron, the aboslute love of my life! Children: Yes, 4 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation:
	Online: 7 hours ago. Last updated: 69 days ago. Member since: 346 days
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02-10-2008 - I just cant take it anymore

My mood while writing this blog:
Crazy

I dont know what else to say other than I just cant take it anymore. Chloe DOESNT sleep at night well AT ALL. She was up every 4-45 minutes again last night. Starting at 10:30pm. I can't phisically take it anymore. I am completley fed up. I'm not enjoying my baby anymore.... at night time. She used to sleep so damn well and now Im pulling out my hair. I can't be getting 2 hours or less of sleepo EVERY night then wake up and get kids ready for school, then take care of a 19 month old and a 3 month old all day long, then keep thehouse clean and cook dinner. I CANT do it anymore. I even told hubby that I either get help or Chloe can live somewhere else... I know I don't mean it but thats how pissed off and frustrated I was last night. Then she has to be so damn cute and smile everytime I look at her in themiddle of the night. LOL. But seriously. I have tried EVERYTHING. I have tried Benedryl on several of your guys' advice.... doesnt work. I have tried swaddling, makes it worse.. i have tried absolutely EVERYTHING. She isnt hungry, she just doesnt want to sleep. And she is awake all damn day long. Napping for 45 minutes every 2 hours or so. Its so frustrating. Im not even feeling like me all over again, like the newborn days. I can't take it. I cannot explain to you all how unbearably tired I am. I have no one to help me. No one. I have no family here to help. No friends that can help.. ir would for that matter. I have no one. I havent slept in over a month now and I just cant take it. I dont know what else to do. I think I have to just start turning off the monitor and only going up every 3 hours or so because mentally, phisically and emotionally I just can't take it. I cant!!! My body is shutting down, and those chest pains I get happen when I am very tired or in the middle of the night and Ive gone to her room for the 6th time. Im so sick of this. Im so tired. Im so drained. Then I have to play happy mommy all day because I know better than to take my frustration out on my family... most days. But still... its all building up and I am just so sick of it. I want her to grow up so fast.. isnt that horrible She is the last baby and I couldnt be happier. The thought of never having a newborn again is making me quite happy. Im a horrible person.

Well thats my bitchfest of the day.. I could write more but she is crying... again. Gotta go get her. *sigh*

Thanks everyone. It IS so frustrating, and yeah Ive tried everything. She really doesnt sleep during the day at all. Her naps total maybe 2 a day, sometimes 3 if her nap is only 20 mins. She is up from 5pm - 8 pm eery night, same routine every night. Nothing works, not even that "clincally proven" Johnsons bedtime bath routine. Its a bunch of bullcrapola. My first 2 kids are 16 months apart. Chloe and Sophie are also 16 months apart. I just HATE HATE HATE that Chloe doesnt sleep well AT ALL. Sophie still doestn sleep through the night a few times a week and its extra frustrating.. she is 19 months old, cant I catch a break. Sophie was the SAME way for 6 months when she was a baby. I cant imagine doing this for 3 more months. I DO let her cry it out, but then I pay the next day cuz she is so tired from crying for a few hours. I am gonna start letting her simply cry at night so I can sleep. Maybe its selfish but in all reality its NOT selfish... I mean, If I dont do it I will go completley mental and it will be bad for the rest of my family. No Its not the baby blues, Ive had it before and I am perfectly fine all the time, but at night I just cry, I grunt and growl and curse cuz Im so fucking tired. Ive had enough and I simply NEED to sleep before I go crazy! She has been up for a while and is havign her first nap now, Its almost noon. Both babies are sleeping now so Im gonna relax.. Im so stressed its not even funny. Thanks again for listening!

4 Comments on I just cant take it anymore

Grace - Thursday, 2 Oct
Well if there's nothing you can do for the baby then maybe you can do something for you. I am on a few herbs for stress and anxiety along with depression, you should get some valerian root, it should help you to make the most of the sleep you do get. And if you take one pill at a time then you can just use it as stress management and not get so tired, but the strange thing about valerian is that people that are fatigued get energy and those who are overstimulated get relaxed, it helps to keep the balance. I'm also taking hops, passionflower (I love this one-can feel the difference without being sleepy), and I'm getttng some Ashwaganda today- it gives you energy and helps your body and mind to cope with stresses a lot better, also promotes health and immunity (I believe). Maybe you can try these and see if they help you, I need something to help me with all the stress so these work great for me. and you don't feel groggy when you wake up unlike a PMasprin hangover. Oh and if you're bottlefeeding, you can get some chamomile tea brew it and mix it with the formula before bedtime, it's safe for infants, and should help her to relax as well.
I'll brainstorm some more if you can 't find relief in any of these.
I get my herbals from Swanson vitamins online, you can order as much as you want and shipping is always gonna be 4.95, you get super discounts on everything, then you'll get a $5 off coupon with your first order so that takes off shipping. I think that you also get $5 off for the first buy too you just have to apply it in the view your bag page b4 you check out.

Hope you find relief soon.
blessings

kristalsfirst - Thursday, 2 Oct
Hi tracy.. i know this sounds probably dumb to ask but have u tried keeping her up in the day? You say she sleeps 45mins every couple hours, try keeping her up and not letting her sleep. Try giving her a bath... with bedtime johnsons lotions or something... maybe try a stroller ride, car ride or something... put her on her tummy and let her use all her muscels and maybe she will tire herself out. Try putting her in different places to sleep, maybe different positions??? I have baby einstein movie and my baby loves it, keeps him entertained for the whole thing then he falls asleep... maybe try that??? Im sure u have tried all these but thats all i could come up with.... Maybe look on the internet and see what there suggestions are??? When all else fails, i know ill prob get hate mail for this, but let her cry it out. If nohting is wrong with her and u tried everything i would just let her cry and then go back in the room when u know its time for feed and diaper change etc..., but u need to rest cuz u cant be a good mommy or wife to everyone else in ur house when ur so sleep deprived... i know what its like and its horrible.. im complete bitch when i dont get my sleep. My kids get a really mean mommy who yells a lot and its not fair to them

3girls2008 - Thursday, 2 Oct
I know how you feel so don't feel like you are all by yourself. I had my first 2 less than a year apart and after the second one I would sit outside the door of her room and listen to her cry while I sat there and cried because she wouldn't sleep. Then as soon as I would get her to go to sleep my 1 year old would wake up and I just wanted to break down. Have you thought about talking to your OB to see if it is the baby blues?? Have you tried the cry it out method? I know it sucks in the beginning but since you aren't getting any sleep anyways it might be worth a try. If you need someone to vent to I am always here so shoot me a message any time!!!

thebigtomato - Thursday, 2 Oct
I totally feel your pain. It amazes me how much I love my baby and yet I can get SO FRUSTRATED with him sometimes... Even though I KNOW he isn't doing it on purpose and he has no idea that he's upsetting me, I still get upset with him. There have been many times when I've had to just put him someplace safe like his crib or strapped in the swing and just walk away a while. Then I feel bad because they say you aren't supposed to let your baby cry at this age or they won't be independent and confident people when they grow up. Well, I just hate that every decision you make for your own good in motherhood equates to being a bad parent in the opinions of all of these specialists. Just what we mothers need on top of our utter exhaustion and mounting stress - GUILT!

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