08-10-2008 - MOO MOO

My mood while writing this blog: Oink

Moo moo moo mooooooo mo moo.

that would be me speaking in my official language. Im a freaking cow I tell you. I am bigger in the fat ass and tummy area than I was when I got home from the freaking hospital. I CAN'T control my eating habits, i love food. its so yummy. I love sweets. I went off my diet cuz hubby is going to go on a diet and exercise with me when the snow falls (which should be within a few weeks here). So i figured, so what I will go on a diet when it is easier with hubdy doing it with me. Well BLAH. I looked in the mirror the other day and cried through my whole shower, I looked horrible. Ive never had a huge ugly rolly tummy, Ive never had stretch marks, ive never had cottage cheese cellulite filled ass and thighs. Ive never been like this and its nasty and depressing. A combination of STILL not sleeping (oh and the babies, 18 months and 3 months, were sick for 4 weeks, got better 5 days ago and guess what... we're all getting sick AGAIN, just what I freaking need) and seeing my fatty self and everything is wearing on me. I was so depressed last Sunday I just kept crying. I need to lose this weight. Im so sick of family and friends saying that Im sooo tiny after 4 kids.... what the hell does that mean... does that mean that if I had no kids Id be fat? Im only tiny cuz Ive had 4? UGH. I hate that!!! I know Im not FAT, I know this, but this tummy and ass bullshit is pissing me off. Im only 125 pounds, I know thats not a lot... but if you saw my body you would understand me and my thinking. Sitting in the tub last night I gathered all the fat from my tummy and sides and it formed a BALL (a very bumpy ball at that) in between the size of a softball and a volleyball. It was so gross. And its all just fat. Its not toned, its not just a lil tummy, its all fat. When hubby and I "do it" if I am on top I sometimes do this thing where I lay flat on him and just move my butt up and down (sorry for the TMI) but my point is, when I do this (men love it by the way ladies) I feel my ass cheeks slam back down on me because there is so much fat the motion of me moving is making my ass boucne like a ball. It SUCKS! Then my retarded Auntie says to me "You look great for having 4 kids, you just had a baby 3 months ago give your body time, besides you are still smaller than I am" and I said "Im a 7/8 what size are you?" She says "4" and its like... are you TRYING to make me feel like a whale calling yourself fat when you are almost 50 and still in great shape... she SUCKS! I lay in the bath and my tummy sticks out. I remember when I first got prego with Sophie (the 19 month old) I would lay in the tub and my tummy didnt stick out of it until I was 5 MONTHS PREGO! So does that mean I have the fat of a 5 month pregger lady? GAWD DAMN. I may look good with clothes on but its like a freaking nasty zoo of pigs n' cows eating cottage cheese splahing in the wave pool when I move.

Well this fatty mc Fat is gonna go fold laundry as thats what us fat housewives do.

GRRRRRRRRRR