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| 01-9-2008 - No More Scares |
My mood while writing this blog: relieved |
Last night about 1 a.m. I noticed I was bleeding when I went to the bathroom. At the first site of the blood I was almost panicked. Then I went to lay back down in bed, told my husband, and just prayed it would stop. I woke up later to see that it had slowed down to spotting, so I called my Dr's office. Since they were closed, they transferred me to a nurse who told me to go to the Emergency Room. I got there about 6 a.m., saw a Dr, got labs done, and he did an abdominal u/s. He said he couldn't detect the baby's heart beat, so he was going to send me for a formal transvaginal u/s. I was scared again. I laid there in tears waiting, hoping, and praying for over an hour. I realized how hard it would be to have to go through the pain of a loss another time. Finally, I was called to have my u/s. The baby did have a heart beat! 178! My labs were normal and I am measuring what I am supposed to... 9 weeks and 5 days. They advised me not to have intercourse and said sometimes light bleeding is normal in pregnancy. As of now I think it already stopped.
I realize every day that no matter what I want to do, I can't help but love my little baby inside of me. I haven't told all of my friends and family I am pregnant because I am afraid I will lose the pregancy and have to explain to each of them which is hard to do. I don't let myself be overjoyed the way I really want to feel because I am always afraid of loss. When I saw the baby, I smiled when I really wanted to laugh and cry. My emotions are locked up for the fear of pain. I guess I just have to admit that no matter what I do I already have a lot of love and high hopes for this little one in my tummy. I will just keep on hoping and praying everything will be ok.
1 Comments on No More Scaresoldfirstimer -
Tuesday, 2 Sep I am so relieved for you that everything is ok. You poor thing having to go through that scare!! Only another couple of weeks for you and hopefully the stress will be reduced hey!! Take care