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16-8-2009 - sweet dreams, Baby A

My mood while writing this blog: very sad

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its taken me awhile to be able to write this down, partly because I was in the hospital for a week and partly because I am too upset.

On Aug 5, I awoke to the gush of fluid and realized that my water had broke. Rushing to the bathroom, I delivered one of my twins into my hands. Patrick called 911 and the EMT's came immediately, unfortunately, I hadnt delivered completely and they were unsure what to do, especially since I had no pains and hardly any bleeding. I was rushed to the hospital, into the ER, who transferred me to Labor and Delivery as they also did not wish to cause any more issues for me. The nurses at L&D cut the umbilical cord and clamped it off, but I still had not delivered the placenta yet. My first baby was gone and the nurses made me a very nice memorial and I was able to hold my baby as long as I wished, they were wonderful to me. My doctor was called in and did his exam, finding my cervix had closed and clamped off the umbilical cord itself. I was given the dire prediction that the second twin may or may not miscarry, we would have to wait and see.

I had an ultrasound that afternoon, took 1 1/2hours, but Baby B was moving alot and the placentas were fused so I had a much lower risk of infection. As well, my cervix had already elongated itself again and was closed still.

I spent the next week in hospital, first in case of further miscarry and infection, then to regulate my sugars as I am now officially gestationally diabetic.

I am now home on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. However, every little pain and twinge makes me fear that it is over. I am obsessing about all of it and at the same time trying to remain positive for Baby B.

we are awaiting the results of the autopsy to see if any reason can be assigned to this as well, to know if Baby A was a boy or girl. I try my hardest not to cry all day, but its hard not to mourn what is gone and cant be anymore. I have another u/s tomorrow and am praying that all is well with it.

Sweet dreams, Baby A.,.... you were already loved and will always be.

UPDATE:

we had an u/s on Monday, the perinatologist who read the scan, said everything looks good with Baby B. He is growing well and of the right size for his age as well has a very strong heartbeat. Thank you for all your kind words......the support is wonderful.......I pray everyday for all our babies to be born healthy.

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9 Comments on sweet dreams, Baby A


chatster - Monday, 24 Aug
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly.

andbabymakes6 - Sunday, 23 Aug
hello... was just reading your blogs. im sorry for the loss you have experienced. i hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smooth.. just take it easy and if you ever need anyone to talk to, you can talk to me...

ParkerNHarpersMom - Saturday, 22 Aug
Trina, I had been waiting for this update and I knew it would take you sometime. I'm happy to know that baby B is still doing ok in there, and I am mourning the loss of your baby A. It's amazing how nature can work, and to know that you still have a precious little life inside of you after everything that has happens just proves that he/she is a fighter. Stay strong, and get lots of rest!I'm thinking of you guys!

julieMc - Thursday, 20 Aug
crying as i write, so i dont know hopw your coping, so sorry, hope all goes well with baby B xxx

littlesunshine - Monday, 17 Aug
Im so sorry for your loss I pray that baby B stays healthy and is able to stay inside atleast he/she has a chance for survival on the outside.

ByndBlssd - Sunday, 16 Aug
There are not enough words to bring you comfort at this time. But please know that my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. I pray that Baby B remains strong and healthy and in due time you'll hold him/her in your arms and be comforted in a very special way. Please take care of yourself and all the best!

KittenAsACat - Sunday, 16 Aug
I'm so very sorry for your loss. My prayers go out for you, your husband, family, Baby A, and for the health of Baby B.

HelluvaAngel - Sunday, 16 Aug
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope Baby B keeps growing big and strong and you have a wonderful rest of you pregnancy. Take care!

Gigantor - Sunday, 16 Aug
This is really sad. I cannot even imagine how you must have felt going through all this.Sometimes there are no good answers and the "why" stays there.The only thing is, you still have Baby B. And that is great.I say a prayer for your lost one.Take care!