20-2-2009 - Made the Appt.

My mood while writing this blog: okay

I am very nervous for this appointment. After having twins, I can't imagine just being pregnant with one, but I also can't imagine adding two more children to our family right now. I usually wait till I am about 10 to 12 weeks to go to the doctor, but I decided I needed to know for sure sooner than later. I am spending to much time worrying about something that might not even be a factor.

I kind of want to go alone. Bill has been having a hard enough time just thinking about me being pregnant, I don't think he could handle hearing I was having twins. Plus, either way, I just need time for the news to sink in for me. Bill is really trying to be calm about everything, and at times he even seems excited about another baby, but I know he is really worried about it too. I am too, but I don't feel like a baby should come into the world feeling like a burden. So I have tried to just keep my mind focused on being happy about the baby and not the extra work and space and money it will take. We have always made it in the past, and I know God will provide what we need.

My mom is coming into town next week. It will be the first of many encounters with family when I will not be able to tell them I am expecting. It makes me so sad that we have to do this, but I am afraid there reaction would only make life more stressful for the two of us. So next week I will just have to pretend I have been eating too many salty foods and I am bloated (haha). At least my kids will be happy when we finally tell them. Audrey wants us to have 4 more (that is not our plan) and Livy agrees wholeheartedly. My grandmother will be happy too. She has alzheimers (sp?) and her favorite thing to do now is hold a baby. They live close so I wouldn't be surprised if we see them all the time after we have this last one!

The twins have a cold which comes with a low-grade fever and a lot of neediness. Olivia seems to happy come down with something too. So I will be spending lots of time rocking babies today but if the weather warms up I can send them out in the sun and see if that helps them get better faster. Other than that I am good, although the scale keeps wanted to edge up and I am trying to keep it the same as long as possible!!!!