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|19-5-2011 - Assault.
||My mood while writing this blog:|
Hey everyone, this is my first blog and i think im ready to open up.
I got pregnant at a young age and had a miscarriage, I got pregnant again 2 months afterwards with the same guy. He is half indian and half russian. He is not religious but his parents are highly religious. It was a difficult relationship due to the fact his family didnt like me and my family didnt really like him.
After about 6 months in our relationship things got really violent, but we have always had problems throughout the continued time together. I was having a difficult time being a good daughter to my parents because he was controlling everything I did. I had certain rules in which i had to obide. One night I was kicked out of my house and the only place I felt i could go to was my boyfriends.
When i had arrived at his house, he wanted to go for a walk first. He was mad because I had a male friend, which was in the rules, i wasnt allowed to talk to the opposite sex and certain females he didnt want me to talk to. He didnt like that and he made me sit on a park bench while he repeatily hit me. I was crying the entire time, and ended up with black guys, and fat lips. After he was done, he felt sorry and hugged me and still wanted me to stay at his house. I had no where else to stay so i told him i would just walk back and sleep at the school but he insisted because he felt guilt. Loving him i agreed. That night, we cuddled and slept like nothing had happened. But before sleeping, i cried, which he didnt know i did.
Each morning, i woke up before his parents and him, to get dressed and leave to take the bus to school where he would meet me in our class. at this point i didnt have money so he gave me bus tickets. everyone would look at me at school and wonder what happened. they all believed it was him, but we told people otherwise. That night i had work so i worked and after work i went home, and threw rocks at his window so he could let me in the house because we were hiding from his family. this went on for 3 days and on the third day, my steo dad called the police and i was made to go home, and the police charged him with assault, and a few other charges. i didnt want these charged on him so i lied about everything to the police. we werent allowed seeing each other but we didnt care, we loved each other. we did everything we could to see each other.
A month or so later, i found out i was pregnant the first time. He was saying i had to get an abortion. I really didnt want to because when you become pregnant, you automatically have a bond with your unborn child.
I had just started birth control before i found out i was pregnant. i was going for blood tests everyday because i had just gotten `what i thought was my period`. the doctors thought it was a miscarriage so blood was drawn every day to see the hcg number. it was going down but to be certain we set an ultrasound date to see what was going on. When i had the ultrasound, the technician said nothing was there, and i cried, and my boyfriend hugged me. but inside i know he was happy.
In december i had a dispute within my family, so i went and stayed with my dad for a month over the course of christmas and the new year. in january i got into criminal trouble for defending myself which was turned into an assult charge to myself. my dad didnt want me in his house so i was sent to a shelter. this shelter was the average crack house which i was scared about. when i got there, i called my boyfriend, he didnt know anything because we werent talking the day before. he brought me shampoo and conditioner and soap that i asked him to borrow until i could pay him back. but still he was support to me.
Being in the crack house for 3 days, i got accepted into a teenage shelter for the ages of 16-21. i fit in right away. i got along with everyone. i felt safer in this shelter too. while i was in this shelter, i found out that my letter to get the charges against my boyfriend, were dropped. from then i went to his house every weekend morning as early as i could, and his parents were fine with it. it was one of his brothers that didnt like that i was over. he got mad one day and i didnt want the family to fight so i stopped going over.
soon enough i got onto ontario works, which is just like welfare, and i found a room to rent. my boyfriend and his mother helped me take my stuff from the shelter to my room. with my first cheque, i went a bought a cellphone and gave him $100 for his phone because i previously had ripped his expensive shirt and broke his phone which he just used to listen to music, it wasnt even registered for calls or texts or anything. basically i was always giving him money because he blamed me for his family having to spend money on a lawyer, when it was his choice for assaulting me.
once he got his phone, he had changed, he made it a rule where i wasnt allowed to touch his phone but he was allowed to go through my phone. i didnt get why this was the case. but i followed my rules, because he was the only one in my life because i had cut my friends and family off.
a few days after moving in, i went and had a pregnancy test. he came to the doctors but was so into his phone he didnt even want to come into the room with me to hear the news. the test came up positive, which is now my current pregnancy.
he kept telling me how i was going to have an abortion. i kept saying yeah to shut him up, but he got mad, and left before the blood test. ever since this day, we havent been going as well as i had hoped.
my boyfriend had through out these times attacked me multiple times trying to hurt me and control me into doing what he wanted me to do. we had always made arguments because he would set up abortion days at clinics to get rid of the baby but i would never go.
since i was being attacked so many times, my grandma offered for me to move in with her. being here a few months i feel safer.
we still talked but it wasnt everyday. but when we did and when we were on good terms, we slept on our headphones to sleep and being able to hear him sleep and pretend he was next to me, made me feel even safer. when i was with him before, sleeping with him, he would always hug me to sleep and rub my hair and i always missed that.
a few weeks ago, he was msging me and saying how if his parents ever found out, because they are heart patients and if the found out they could have a heart attack, they if the did get hurt, he didnt care about jail, that in 72hrs, my heart will stop beating and so will his because he would be ashamed of hurting his parents. i forwarded these msgs to my mom who had saved them. he also sent a goodbye msg for the baby so the baby would know he wasnt ready to be a father.
today i had a court date to set a trial for my case so i can get the judge to believe i was defending myself. my ex said he will come over to talk to me. (btw, i know i said boyfriend throughout this, its just easier to understand, but hes been an ex for a few months now) so he came over with his friend. we were in the living room watching the cd i had gotten from court. a few days ago i got a new phone which is the same phone he has, that he told me i wasnt allowed to get. i always kept it in my bra because if i go out, no one can get the phone there. he got mad it was there, so i took it out and put it beside me. i sat up to take the cd out of the dvd player. i guess i forgot to put it on lock and he had it and wouldnt give it back. since we had been broken up, i had guys on it. in my eyes im allowed to have guy friends.
he told me to go upstairs and he guided me towards my room. even if i wanted to run, he wouldve made it so i obliged to him.
once in my room he closed the door, and kept pushing me to my bed as he continued to go through my phone. each time i tried to stand up, he would again push me. after a few times, he grabbed me by my hair and pushed me to the bed, resulting in a clump of hair in his hands. then getting up from the bed again, he started to hit me. my first instinct is to crawl into a ball and to cover the baby. yelling at me that im a whore and a slut for talking to guys while im pregnant, he continued to try and hit my stomach. hitting me with my phone, kicking me all over and also punching.
at once point he put the phone on my dresser and was grabbing my legs so he could try and straddle me so he could have clear way to my stomach. i tried everything i could to cover the baby. over and over again i heard many words, i know i dont deserve. 10 minutes of hitting and kicking happened. but the entire time i am screaming on the top of my lungs and yelling for help because his friend is still downstairs. his friend starts to yell up, `what are you doing, dont kill her, i dont know what to do`. his friend then starts to come upstairs but this doesnt stop the hits. he tells his friend to calm down. he keeps grabbing my mouth and telling me not to scream or he will strangle me. while in the midst of telling me one of these times, his friend opens the door, and was asking him what he was doing. he had taken my phone apart and they were about to leave and while trying to leave, they kept asking me if id call the cops or contact him any further. i just kept saying for them to leave me alone, give me my items and to leave. he put my items infront of me, because i am still in a ball screaming. he rubs my hair and kisses my head, then kicks me one last and hard time.
him and his friend run downstairs. hearing them ring the front doorbell i figured they left so i went to lock the door. he was still putting on his shoes. i kept asking them to leave and he said i was acting brave and he would hurt me again. he then comes up the stairs and i run to the couch to crawl into a ball. his friend tries to grab him and i yell to his friend, ' youre not a boy if you would let him do this.' i guess i shouldnt have said this because they both kept yelling at me about them being brothers -_-
they ran to the car, i locked the door and ran up the stairs to try and see the license plate, but i couldnt see. i tried another window and still was not successful. i ran to the kitchen to grab a pen and paper to write it when they drove off, but he drove to fast.
first thing i did was call my mom, who only dropped me off 30 mins earlier. she advised to call 911. i did so and they were on there way and so was my mom and grandma. im red all over. the ambulance takes me to emerg. while in emerg, it took 3 hours to see a doctor just to make sure the baby was okay. he is fine and moving around, i just cant feel him. leaving the hospital i then had to go to the police station to do a video report.
when i got there, they advised he was in custody in the prison over night because he had court the next day for a bail herring. they cant really continue to hold him because he is a youth. but since he has had this happen before, they were going to hold him over night. they also told me his brother in law was going to bail him, which means his parents wouldnt find out. but i really wish they do find out. his charges were, threats-due to the texts, and the verbal in my room of strangling me, confinement- when he wouldnt let me leave my room, and assault. they couldnt do assault to the baby because the situation is a toss up.
i go in and have my statement recorded. i assure them i am scared for future passings. he has his conditions, but other people can do it for him or he could do it himself.
after i was about to leave this police station, they asked me to go take pictures of the bruises that had appeared at a different police station. tired, i just wanted to get home. but i went and had the pictures taken.
im home now. but im still emotional. im always going to love him, and i worry, even now, like is he okay, is he warm, what is he doing in the cell. i feel sorry but at the same time i know he needs to be in there. he thinks i dont love him, but i really do. all i ever wanted was for him to step up so we could be a family. i guess i couldnt get that. but ill be a great mother and father to my son.
i hope everything with him in jail is fine, but i will always worry and continue to worry. i shouldnt because of what hes done. but i always picture the good times rather then the bad, and they make this so much harder.
im in so much pain but i cant sleep because i fear for my grandmas safety, so i plan on staying awake all night and sleeping when i know shes at work and safe.
i think ill be fine, but i worry about others more then myself.
i hope this helps woman out there who are scared, but getting the help we need is what we should do. it may hurt for a little but someone new and better will come around.
i myself feel a relationship is to reproduce when youre ready. ive already reproduced, so i dont need to find another man to replace him. ill be happy with my son.
Victoria - age : 18
19 weeks pregnant.
6 Comments on Assault.MammaEliz
- Sunday, 14 Aug I disagree im sorry! I was a 'young mother' (at 19) and I took the responsiblity of having unprtected sex and gettin pregnant in a abusive relationship and even though I knew i was fit to be a mother I understand where they are comin from witht the abusive relationship part. I did everything in my power and took very well care of my son but that didnt stop his 'dad' from still being abusive every chance he could find and threatening me and his own son. I had my own place and was no longer with him but he still found me, abused me, mis treated his son, and even had friends threaten me! For your childs sake adoption is best. specially sense your much much younger and you cant always be protected! my ex ended up raping me and I was left with 2 sons in this situation and for 3 years I was afraid for my life and my boys and to scared to get a job cause that meant leaving my kids with someone else where the 'dad' could get them or kill me and they would be left! REally think bout it hon! Get a restrainin order on this guy and move away, far away! dont mention him on any baby paperwork! PERIOD!! you are young and you dont have as much life experience! you havent lived on your own yet, paid all bills needed to be paid in life, worked for a living.. young moms dont arent fit to be parents and i know i wasnt so i can say it! support from family is good but it doesnt make you a fit mom. Older woman have lived their life, they know the ropes, they might not know how to raise a child right off the bat but they have more experience on finacials, how to work with a child around, they have their lifes already in order where they can give 100% to a newborn baby instead of only maybe 50% and yong mom can give. you have more to figure out then just a baby and thats why young moms are looked down on. you can prove them wrong yes, but its not easy trust me! i lived on my own sense i was 16 paying all my bills, finishing school, having every responsibility an adult had but when i got pregnant at 19 that still was hard for me being so young and everyone lookin down on me its harder to get help from non family! I still struggled cause of the abuse, the court orders, the raising of a baby and the constintent look over my shoulder to make sure i was safe. dont take what other mothers say the wrong way cause they are right and only tryin to help you the best they can. adoption is hard but unless you can move, change your name, get restrainin orders.. your puttin your child at risk along with yours and that is being an unfit mother knowin it. I completely admit i was and im tryin to worn you! please be smart and anyone on here who has been pregnany understands your love for this baby and how hard it will be but youll feel much worse if you die and baby is left witht that monster or even your baby dies because he was put into this world with an unsafe life. you have your family support then use it and do everything you can like i said to get away and disappear! v-finkle
- Monday, 25 Jul i beg your pardon, i think i am capable of being a well mother, the father is no longer involved and i will be the best mother and father for my son.i do not like the fact that you read this and you automatically think i am not fit to be a mother. i chose to have sex and i am choosing to take responsibility. i have support from my family and friends and i believe i can do it. its people like you who make me do the opposite of what you think and prove you guys wrong.you may look down on young mothers, but just like an older mother, we dont know everything about children, and age does not matter. you can be 50 with a new born and still not know the behaviors of what to do. you learn everyday, and i think that any mother at any age who chooses to be a mother, can do what they set there mind to. so please, i think you should look at young mothers at a different angle. nstone722
- Monday, 25 Jul I agree with toya and i am going to be real and i am sorry for everything you have been through, BUT you are bringing this child into a world of abuse! I think adoption would have been your best option. I think it is wrong for a child to be brought up this way and i am sorry i am not trying to hurt your feelings but you should have been on b/c or wore condoms especially with someone like this!!!! I get soo angry when young girls have babies and are not responsiable enough to bring them up... you need to be working, have your own place...you dont have either and now you will always have to look behind your back for an abusive father your baby will always have. For the baby's life please look into adoption!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! katiejl
- Sunday, 22 May Please please please DO NOT go back to him. I know it will be hard to be a single mom but if it's that bad now, it will only get worse and yes.. he WILL kill you, maybe even your child. STAY AWAY from him!! xo sarahskye
- Saturday, 21 May i agree with toya. i was in a extremely physical and emotional abusive relationship. he almost killed me in front of my children. this resulted in social services taking my kids away, saying i was putting them in a dangerous situation. it took almost 2 years to get custody back and hundreds of hours of therapy( the court made me go to). please stay safe and dont go back to that situation 1st-time-Toya
- Friday, 20 May Sweetheart i ddont mean to sound insensitive because reading this broke my heart but I think you need to someone to be real with you. You need to leave this boy ALONE and never ever talk to him again. He is obviously unstable and HE WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR BABY if you keep giving him chances to come back into your life. If you value you and your babies life you will not allow him to come around you anymore. No woman deserves the abuse you have endured especially not a pregnant one. Please Please just dont ever see or talk to him again.