27-2-2009 - Feeling bad :(

My mood while writing this blog: sad :(

I've always been kind of private when it comes to talking about relationship problems with people i dont know but i'm thinking may be i can get some advice and see if i'm exagerating and may be feel better by venting. I feel really sad and hurt and don't know if this has anything to do with the pregnancy hormones or what but yesterday i was looking at the 3d ultrasound pic i have of my baby and i told my boyfriend that it looked like the baby was going to have my nose. Now, he knows that i have always hated my nose and was considering a rhinoplasty before i found out i was pregnant. Well he said that thats what his sister had told him and that he hoped the baby didn't come out with my nose. I was like "well i know that i've complained about my nose but its not the worse looking nose out there". He laughed and said "dont worry, if it comes out with your nose we'll just have his nose operated on." He said this obviously joking but it made me feel really bad. I mean, instead of making me feel pretty and better about things he says stupid shit that puts me down. Instead of him saying something like no matter what our baby was going to turn out beutifull or something. Then hes told me in the past that he hopes the baby looks like him cus then it would turn out so cute. Like telling me if it looks like me its not going to or something. I think we girls sometimes need to hear our SO say something nice to us once in a while especially now that were gaining weight and getting those stretch marks and stuff and he never says anything to make me feel that he is still attracted to me. We havn't had sex in forever either. I used to ask him about it all the time and he would tell me that its because he feels that he hurts the baby even though ive reassure him that it doesnt so now i just leave that alone becuase i'm not going to be begging him for sex either. He is so concieted, always giving himself compliments while looking in the mirror before even turning around to look at me and I HATE THAT ABOUT HIM. I've told him that i've always hated men who are like that and hes toned that down a little but not enough to pay any compliments to me. Am i just being supper emotional right now or what? He does have some good things about him that i am thankfull for but just don't know what i'm going to do with him putting down my self esteem like this. I already know what he's going to say if i try to talk about it with him. He's exact words will be "Oh baby you know i was just joking" and that will be it. Stupid men...