17-6-2008 - June 17, 2008

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

I'm now 34 weeks pregnant and hopefully nearing the end. This whole time I've kind of had a cut off date of July 7th in my head, but it's depressing to know that some women carry twins to full term. My daughter was born before 36 weeks and perfectly healthy, so I can't believe that I'm still pregnant right now with two. I love being pregnant, I'm just at the point where I'm ready to hold them and look at them. I also have this crazy idea of a natural birth, so I don't want to do anything to mess with God's plan. I've prayed for years to have an unassisted labor, and call me crazy but I'm still hopeful that it could happen this time. My oldest son's birthday is June 22nd and my birthday is July 1st, so something tells me this will be a busy time of year for our family. We've already explained to our son that we can't really throw him a party because we could end up at the hospital any day now. Even though he's only turning 10 he seems to understand, so thank God for that. Other than having painful contractions everytime I walk and the painful swelling I fell pretty good. After being laid out on the couch throwing up for the first 18 weeks and having zero energy, everything since then has been a breeze. The hard part now is knowing when to go to the hospital. I told myself when the contractions started hurting I would go, but after changing positions and waiting a few hours the pain starts to subside. My husband keeps freaking out because technically when you get 4 in an hour you should go the hospital, but I don't want them to give me medication to stop things if they will eventually stop on their own. My Mom is flying in tomorrow, so after she arrives I might feel better about going to the hospital. We don't have any family where we live since my husband is in the Air Force, and I don't want to leave my three children with just anyone, so grandma's arrival will be a welcome one for me.

It's definitely not fun to sleep at night. I toss and turn, go to the bathroom numerous times, and have horrible dreams. Not to mention the constant fear that the babies are turning and will end up breech forcing a c-section. I wish I had an ultrasound machine at home so I could keep track of their positions. They move constantly and everytime I have an ultrasound they've changed positions despite the fact that they shouldn't have room to flip at this point. I wish I could just relax and enjoy the end of my pregnancy, but the uncertainty is difficult. Alot of ladies know way in advance that they're having a c-section and most of them even know the exact date. I just didn't expect to be so close to the end and not know a thing. My Dr. leaves this week and won't return until my 38th week which really angers me. I just don't understand why he didn't tell me and I had to find out through the receptionist. Part of me wants to call and get an induction date before he leaves, but that would interfere with the whole natural child birth thing. Oh well, just venting I suppose. God already has their birhtdate planned, so no matter how much I whine and complain it will all happen according to His plan anyway.

So here we go on to week 35. Pretty soon I won't have time to sit at the computer and type messages because I will be busy taking care of my five children. Hopefully they will be here soon, if not I will type another blog next week.