28-3-2009 - Am I Wrong???

My mood while writing this blog: overwhelmed.. stressed

OK... Im confused.

So my babies father my ex fiance is a compleate POS. Im so damn irritated. So all last week i have been throwing up blood. so the Docs did and sono of my stomache and gaull bladder and come to find out the lineing of my stomach and esophigus(sp) are being eaten away because of the extra acid my stomach is producing because of the stress. They are worried that i am gonna go into preterm labor ect. I just dont know what to do. I want to have him be apart of everything but he is so selfish. He is doing so many stupid things. He is partying all the time and smoking pot and at one time snorting pills up his nose ( he claims he isnt any more but i dont know that) He also is screwing random girls right now. Im just so upset because he makes me feel like i dont mean anything to him and that i never have because e has moved on so fast. Im so lonely and im mad because i would like to get over him and meet someone but thats a laugh a guy being with a pregnant women. I know those things should be the last thing on my mind and they are deff not at the top of my priorities i just know that being pregnant you feel bad about your self ... your body ( some anyways) even in a good relationship things can be alot more overwhelming. Another thing i am scared about is he is laid off and cant seem to find another job and he is only getting $100 a week. Well in NY you are only granted 17% of and income for shild support... thats $17 a week.. what in the hell is that gonna get my daughter? a pack of dipers n a pack of wipes? what about cloths and meds and everything else a kid needs? but because he is paying me that gives him the right to visitation. I dont want him to be able to take my daughter away from me for even an hour. esp with him acting the way he does. He claims he is gonna get clean before she gets here but i cant count on that you know?

I wish i knew what to do... any suggestions?