10-1-2009 - Caught Wayyyy Off Guard!

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

Okkkkk, So lastnite my bf had just got off of work, i was so excited to see him because i need a little TLC especially since i'd just had an horrible vomiting and diarrhea episode while cooking him some dinner! Anyway, as soon as he walked in the door, i immediately sensed the attitude, so naturally ladies (me being the woman i am) i got into a defense mood, and was ready for battle! So we had a little sperk over something really small that i cant even remember what it was about, i just know, i was in the F*** YOU mode! So i fixed myself a plate to eat, tryin to break the ice, i asked if he wanted to eat, and he was like, "No thank you, im not hungry", i was pissed, cause i felt like hungry are not, he needed to eat what i had just stood in the hot kitchen cookin (a meal that he requested), and got sick during the process!

So to try to make this long story shorter, i was eating, and he was watching t.v. and all of a sudden, he starts to express to me how he feels that no one understands him and the things that he's going through! i was insulted, because that has been the best thing about our relationship, our communication and us understanding how the other feels, so for him to say that, i began to feel some type of way, can't explain it, but it hurt my feelings. Anyway, so he goes on and on about how his life schedule is (which is very, very demandind) and he starts to name off the things that's stressing him out right now in his life, and the baby was on his list! Wow!! i immediately started to cry, he then went on to say, that he just wasn't excited about our baby! He said he couldnt bring himself to have that exciting feeling that he thinks a man should have about his first child. My heart began to ache soooooo badly, not for me, but for my baby:-(! All i could think at that moment, was that he didn't want us anymore! So i told him i would leave, and he wouldn't have to worry about us, and i told him this in the most sincere way possible, with pain in my heart.

Ladies, i dont know where all of this come from, because up to this point, i thought i had the perfect man! His goal everyday when we wake up, is to make me happy! He's never, ever in the 6 1/2yrs that we've been together made me cry!!! We did what we do best, and that's talked it out. He was able to get everything that he's been feeling lately off his chest! He appoligized relgiously for bring tears to my eyes and saying that he wasn't happy about our lil one. I think all the stress just built up and plus someone pissed him off at work right b4 he was about to get off, and he just let it out on me. I forgave him, because i understand, but it's sooooo hard for me to forget what he said! Those words are going to forever be in the back of my mind.....