xaviersmom's I-am-pregnantblog

xaviersmom
	Age: 25 Country: United States Province/region: South Carolina City: Charleston Partner: My husband Samuel D. Children: Yes, 1 Pregnant: No Occupation: Wife and Mommy!!!
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 706 days ago. Member since: 1201 days
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19-4-2009 - A New Awakening

My mood while writing this blog:
Ok

I just got home a couple days ago from spending about 3 weeks at home with my mom back in North Carolina. Just when I thought I had this mommy thing all together I had a bit of a melt down and needed to go home and get some rest and some help. Needless to say, I feel SO much better now. Xavier is sleeping alot better through the night, just getting up once or twice for a change and a bottle and he's right back to sleep (even though it's still in our bed, lol). It's funny how when you're pregnant all you can think of is how much your can't wait for your baby to get here and how much fun it'll be. Then when they finally get here you realize, "omigod, this is for real, HELP!!". At least that's how I was feeling. It took me a while to admit it but I truly think I was suffering from postpartum depression. I was constantly crying (everytime the baby cried), I felt totally overwhelmed and just not up to being a mom. I was feeling really guilty because I felt as though I wasn't loving Xavier enough or being the mom I felt as though he deserved. I took his crying personally as though he were purposely trying to annoy me or drive me crazy. It took alot of prayer and talking to my mom (don't they know EVERYTHING??) to finally realize that what I was going through was normal and not my fault. As if to make matters even worse I developed keratosis pilaris which is a God awful rash that women sometimes get after giving birth which definetly didn't help with the after baby body issues I was going through. *sigh* Oh the things women go through. In the end I realized that I have so much to be thankful for: a wonderful, supportive husband who adores me and tells me I'm beautiful even when I know I look like complete hell, a beautiful, healthy baby boy who I could just stare at forever, a family who has been very helpful and supportive even when I thought I was all alone and amazing friends who are always there when I need to cry, vent, etc. It feels so good to finally get these feelings out and move forward. I feel like a brand new woman and I am so excited to be a new mom now. I feel like the sky has finally opened up, the clouds have moved and I can finally see the sunshine. I thank God everyday that I wake up for my family, my health and most importantly this new life that he has given me. I will never again take for granted all the blessings that he has given me. I. Feel. Great. Amen :)

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