23-9-2009 - 21 weeks and its a....:)

My mood while writing this blog: Good

I am 21 weeks and 3 days today!! I had an ultrasound on the 8th and the tech there said that FOR SURE it was a boy! I am so happy and I feel him moving around all the time now. It is so reassuring and the days that I am feeling kind of depressed because of school, the daddy or whatever, seeing him kick through my belly always reminds me whats important and helps lift my spirits.

There was a small problem though. On my doctor's appointment on the 22nd she said that I had to go for another ultrasound on September 30th because she said that his kidney's look too big. She also said it was nothing to really worry about but try telling a pregnant woman that. I really hope he is okay and it doesn't pose a big problem. I looked up the fancy words that she wrote down for my level 2 ultrasound in my medical dictionary and it doesn't sound too bad. Even the most serious cases aren't life threatening but still... it would be hard for any mother to learn that there might be something wrong. The thing that worried me most was that it can be a sign for down's syndrome but I don't think that, that can be the case because I had the blood work down for down's syndrome and it came up fine. I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens.

I am finally showing! I hated just looking bloated and a bit chunky all the time. I would add a picture but my camera is currently in need of batteries and therefore it will have to wait until I can go get some. I love my little belly and can't wait for it to get bigger. I know I will probably change my mind about that when none of my shirts fit anymore. My pants already don't fit but luckily I am still able to fit into the majority of my shirts. I guess we will see how long that lasts.

I was so extremely depressed when the father didn't want to be with me but I have decided to try and stop thinking about what he wants. My life cannot revolve around him and I have to let it be. I am still hurting but time is helping. It is hard because he still wants to hang around me which I really like because it means he wants to be in his sons life, I am just feeling very rejected because I feel like that means that he just doesn't want to be with me and it doesn't really have anything to do with our baby, not that I would want it to, but I am sure you girls know what I mean. I had never felt this way with a man before and I was confused and forgot for a while that I need to be focusing on me and my son. I can't really ask anything more from him then to be a good father and I think he will be fine with that.

I am attending a school for young pregnant women and it is going very well. They are very helpful financially and for emotional support as well. They hold free pre-natal classes and parenting classes and allow me to finish my schooling before my due date. I am very grateful that programs such as this exsist in my area. It is hard to remember how good I have it here when I am so consumed in self pity, I have to stop that. Anyway, so I guess that is what has been going on with me in the past few weeks.

I hope all you ladies are doing well and I am so glad we have all made it as far as we have. I wish you all happy and healthy remainders of your pregnancies.