20-11-2009 - first big fight--help

My mood while writing this blog: thinking

Well we had a fight and a big one…….from the beginning I told him if he didn’t paint the room this week he didn’t need to go hunting since he goes hunting every weekend and I wanted the baby’s room where I could start painting it. So we changed out the light fixture and I was holding it up while he put the electrical lines together. He told me to hold it up higher so I did and it pushed his hand against the hot wire and shocked him a mistake but he was cussing, so it happened again and I sit it down and said I am not going to do it cause he was blaming me when it was a n accident well he decides he is going to pick it back up and throw it down and break glass all in the baby’s room, meanwhile my son was in the next room able to hear everything. So I walk away and go outside to calm down and he is walking through the house cussing and calling me a stupid bitch. So I showed him a bitch and told him he needed to leave and I walked into the bathroom to see if my son was almost done. He follows me and I tell him to get out and he slams his head in the door three times breaking it. So I push him out cause my son did not need to witness this and tell him he needs to calm down and leave. He then tries to pick me up and my first instinct was to punch him, mind you before him I was in a abusive relationship and I can’t stand fighting which me and him never did till I got pregnant, so he gets real mad and punches our bedroom door breaking it and throwing the baby crib. Then picking up a scope and throwing against the outside door ion our room……yes my house is a wreck now. I am mad as hell now and tell him to get the hell out that I wanted a divorce I wasn’t going to do this again. He then goes get my keys and my cell phone and says you need to make a decision and I say I already have and he takes off in his truck with my stuff. So he comes back like 30 min later my son is in bed by now not even affected by what has happened besides seeing me cry at which point he gave me a kiss and says does that make it better. I love my son he can always make me smile. So back to the story…………so he is back again and trying to lay down and I am still upset and mad and I tell him to get out that I don’t want him there he just keeps calling me a bitch and saying this and that then I tell him well that’s fine but I promise you you won’t be here tomorrow and he throws my phone out the window and breaks the window and my phone in the process so I go outside to find my phone and he is telling me that he loves me and is sorry and blah blah and I say I don’t care about your love anymore….love is not this nothing about what happened is love. So he calls his mother saying he can’t talk to me I won’t calm down. And tells his mother she needs to come help him and she does (now me and his mom are close we talk everyday and I think of her as my second mom since my mother died when I was 5 months pregnant with my son) so we all are talking and of course he didn’t tell her what all happened and its all out there she calms us both down and I forgive him with a promise that he will never do this again since really this has never happened before with us. Now all this happened Tuesday night, so Wednesday he was all sorry and I was sick as hell and left work and slept the rest of the evening he went to help his boss go find a deer he shot instead of staying home helping me with my son or even taking care of me, then last night he only said maybe two words to me and this morning all I got was bye instead of the norm kiss and I love you………………..I don’t know what the hell is going on and he says its nothing.