Avery Joseph`s birth story

A very medically managed pregnancy (see my own pregnancy page for details), had led me to be fearful and apprehensive about the actual birth. I felt as though my desire for a natural /active birth had been taken away from me and I would be tied to a bed with saline, insulin, glucose, epidural lines and CTG monitoring. I felt for certain that I would be chemically induced and then need a caesarian because of failure to progress, after all it was my first baby. I viewed the medical team as the enemy who wanted to drug me up and get my baby out as fast as possible because of time constraints and tightening hospital budgets. I had been termed 'high risk', and I researched madly to find out as much as I could about pregnancy, birth, fetal tests and complications. I swore that for my next pregnancy I would try and have a home birth. All of these negative thoughts ended up being so unnecessary.

At 39 weeks 4 days - I was assessed for an induction due to insulin dependant gestational diabetes. My cervix was assessed as almost closed and at 2 cm long at 4.50pm. Induction was to commence the following day with more prostin, ruptured membranes and an syntocinon/oxytocin drip. The prostin gel would be used overnight to help start cervix softening and effacement. I had lost my mucous plug over the five days prior because a doctor did a very painful cervix stretch procedure, but my cervix was still pretty closed especially at the babies end.

The Prostin gel was administered at 4.50pm with fetal monitoring for two hours. It would be administered again six hours later if there was no change and I might require up to three dosages in the next 24 hours. Everyone expected that being my first it would take several days to get to the actual birth. Braxton hicks type painless contractions began shortly after at 5 minute intervals. But I had been having these since week 23 so I sent my husband Ben and my mum home and said I'd see them in the morning. Mum had come from the other side of Australia to meet her second grandchild. It was intended she would stay with us through the early procedures of labour but when it got down to business end it would be a moment for my husband and I only.

In the room on my own contractions became more regular

My contraction log on my scrap paper. By 10 O'clock I can't write them down anymore

and closer together so I started timing them and writing them down on a piece of scrap paper. I was watching an old episode of Friends and a movie on TV that I cannot for the life of me remember. But I do recall being annoyed at the frequency with which I had to time and write down what was happening with the contractions and how I was beginning to miss parts of the movie plot. I debated whether to call the nurses; I didn't want to bother them. By 9.30pm the contractions were getting seriously closer and regular so I text messaged Ben and said something was happening - he told me to buzz someone. I said I would keep him posted.

Onset of first stage: at 10pm - Painful contractions every 2 minutes lasting between 45 sec. to 1 minute 15 sec. I couldn't even write them down anymore, or even text my husband. They dropped me to the floor on my hands and knees. Between these I would struggle to the toilet needing to use my bowels. A couple of times I got stuck having a contraction on the toilet and had to wait for it to pass to get back out near the bed. Finally I buzzed the nurses. A nurse arrived what seemed like an eternity later but was probably only 5 minutes. She said that the medical team was changing shifts but they would be in half an hour to check the progress of the gel. I dropped to the floor in pain and this obviously showed her that the gel was working as she ran off to find a medical team. A resident and two nurses returned and checked me and I was already at 3cm. Everyone was very surprised at the speed at which things were moving. The doctor explained that given the intensity of contractions and cervix dilation that I was in active labour and my husband needed to return to hospital straight away!

Between contractions the nurse and I packed some of my labour things. I remember the nurse asking me if I wanted a specific outfit for the baby. I said no I don’t care what bubba wears. I recall thinking how odd it was that I was going into the labour room on my own, but would return with a little person that needed to have decisions made about the clothes it would wear. I grabbed my aromatherapy oils, tennis ball, heat pack, lip balm, etc. (None of this was even used in the end as there was not enough time)

I was moved to a labour room at 10.45pm. They asked me if I wanted a wheelchair. I said "no lets just make a run for it between contractions", so we waited for another to pass they helped me quickly shuffle down the hallway to the labour room. I remember passing people on the way who were staring. But I don’t remember their faces at all. It was an unusually quiet night in the labour ward with just a few staff present.

In the labour room the priority was getting a better CTG trace. Fetal monitoring had been via an external CTG, hooked up to a machine with leads, but now they attached me to the telemetric (wireless) machine to allow some movement for me. They initially had difficulty getting it to work as when I bent over the trace was lost and it kept picking up my heart rate which was elevated at 85 from the usual 60 bpm. I remember dropping to the floor on my hands and knees and two hospital staff had their backs to me as they were trying to get the telemetric CTG monitor to work. I remember thinking f*ck the machine - why won't you help me? I had almost climbed under the hospital bed in pain! They turned around and were shocked to see where I was and they rushed to get a mattress under my knees. I felt so alone. My husband, mum and midwife were not even at the hospital. At this point I broke down into uncontrollable sobs and I remember the nurse telling me it was ok to let it all out. I cried like a child, struggling for breadth. I buried my head in the side of the bed.

Contractions were at one and a half minutes, sometimes lasting for over one minute so there was not much rest between them. There was so much pain but what I remember most was more of a pressure and force. It felt as though my bowel and vagina might just come out. This was obviously the baby moving quickly down through the birth canal.

Thankfully, my husband and mum returned at 11.15pm. Tthey walked through the door and I looked up from the floor and cried at them. Their faces were shocked by the scene. They made their way to either side of me and held my hands. It seemed natural for my mum to stay with us, and between a contraction my husband and I discussed this and decided it was ok for her to stay for the birth. It wasn’t going to be far away anyway and it seemed unnecessay to ask her to leave. Funny because I never invisaged my mum being present, but I guess it was mean't to be. She had also witnessed my husbands' marriage proposal to me four years earlier at Ben's first Ironman triathlon finish.

I needed to be on my hands and knees. I needed desperately to grab onto things, to people - whoever came within arms length. Howard, a nurse, introduced himself to put in an IV line for saline, and all I could say was 'help me Howard help me'. Later I thought how pathetic I must have sounded and apologized to him after the birth. I spent most of the time on my hands and knees grabbing tightly onto the rails of the bed. Preparing for each contraction I would alert everyone when a contraction was about to start - "here we go again" - like with the monitor they didn't already know. "Oh god ,oh god ,oh god, the pressure, the pressure, someone help me!" This was really the dominant dialogue through this hour. The focus on breathing through each contraction really helped. I think I told my husband to 'shooosh' a few times. He would ask if I wanted a drink. I couldn't reply because I was in the zone and didn’t want my head to come out of that space to answer a question like "do I want my face wiped?"My hair tie fell out of my hair, and I remember several people frantically searching for it. It will be under the bed I yelled. And sure enough that’s where Ben found it.

The pressure was intense and I felt the urge to push, sometimes this need to push would happen involuntarily and this was happening before I was even at 7cm. The primordial tones that would come out of my mouth when this urge to push hit were unbelievable, from deep within. Not loud, but involuntary. What I remember was the force of it, quite violent and unstoppable. The body had responded to a bit of prostin gel by throwing itself into full blown labour.

My midwife calmly entered the room at 11.30pm. Knowing her way to the tools in the room and job she had to do. Things in full steam.... I called out to her like she was my mother. She was there to save me, to help me through, even though most of the work had been done by my body before she arrived. She was delighted with my progress having arranged dinner and baby sitters for her children the following night for my supposed labour, and happy that it was happening a day earlier on its own before a full blown chemical induction commenced.

I asked and sometimes pleaded for pain relief. Can’t you give me some meds? Can't I have some pethidene?" To which they either ignored or replied your almost there. My midwife tried to get me to use the nitrous oxide gas but I just couldn't. It didn’t make sense. I needed to breath in fresh air. I've never done well with any drugs. I don't like the distraction and loss of control. They make me nauseous. Breathing through a tube is a bit like snorkeling or diving and I always get anxious with the reliance of a mouthpiece to supply you with oxygen.

My husband was wonderful, offering me water, I was so thirsty from the crying, panting and breathing. He wiped my face and pushed down on my lower back to ease the pain. My mother was on my other side helping as well with empathic looks and tears. It was highly emotional for all. Something my mum never thought she would be part of, but so privileged to be there and for us to have her there.

I complained again and again about the pressure. They checked me and my membranes were bulging. They decided to rupture them (ARM) at 11.55pm after I pleaded for relief from the pressure. The liquor was clear. There was an immediate sense of relief with a gush of warm liquid. My eyes were closed as being on my back to have this done was not comfortable, but I felt it flow and the warmth of it splash across my legs. Once this was done the nurse placed an internal monitor in the babies scalp.

• 1st stage of labour noted as lasting for 3 hours .

At this point the midwife suggested Ben and her help me off the bed to the toilet. I had not been for two hours. They helped me into the bathroom where my legs draped across the toilet. Not really sitting, just resting. The sensation of trying to walk with a babies head between your legs is something I won't forget; a shuffle that occurs after you finish a really long day of horse riding. I can't remember if I even went to the toilet. I remember trying but I couldn’t feel the bladder muscles. They helped me up and this time we went back to a mattress on the floor next to a sofa and I immediately got back on to my hands and knees with my hands resting on the edge of the sofa. My mum sat in a chair next to it and my husband was instructed by my midwife to come and assist with the delivery. I am so thrilled she asked him to do this and he was keen to participate. The force got greater and this time the midwife said if you want to push then you can. I was so relieved to hear that as it signaled the end was near. There was delight when the babies head initially crowned.

Avery with dad at 4 hour hours

The midwife and Ben exchanged excited words "Can you see the head Ben"she asked? "Yes" he said. I asked Ben if he could see hair. After a second push the babies head was almost out. Another deep breath and then two more pushes and babies head made it, relief at last. The cord was around the neck twice so the midwife quickly removed it. Then Ben was able to deliver the shoulder. As the neck and shoulder presented a little hand came through under the chin and he reached and pulled out the hand first and then the shoulder. I don't think my husband will ever forget this. The cord was cut by Ben once it stopped pulsating, and then baby was passed through my legs to me where I held him in my arms and rolled over and sat down.

2nd stage (pushing): 9 minutes (4 pushes)

Baby fed on both nipples and was so alert and peaceful. I was on such a high I didn't notice my midwife working away. There was some pulling discomfort when the placenta was close and then another feeling of relief as it came out. I never saw it and I regret that. I wanted to see the organ that interfered with my insulin production and gave me gestational diabetes, as well as the thing that nourished and gave me our son. They did ask me if I wanted to take it home. But I didn't have a use for it. As somecultures do; eaten, artwork or a symbolic garden planting, so we left it with the hospital.

Immediately after the birth - such a high

3rd stage: 20 minutes

There is video footage and lots of photographs of these moments. Mum and Ben started going crazy with them. I have no recollection of them filming or photographing us. I look at the footage and images it and can't believe it is me - a mother, so calm and so natural.

We had two and a half hours in the room with our son. Ben had skin to skin with Avery while the resident and midwife put my legs in stirrups and fixed my second degree tear. The midwife tried to film Ben and bub having some skin to skin time, but had trouble with the camera, so I offered to film him. So there I was in stirrups, being sewn back together and filming my husband bond with our son. Priceless! Baby was then weighed and to our amusement the scales were Avery scales! We could not stop laughing - the midwife said did you name him after the scales - yett another sign that that name was meant to be.

His weight was 7.2 pounds - a far cry from the big baby I was told I might have with the GD, and his glucose level was excellent at 2.9. He was checked in every way. Perfect. I took more photos and broke down. It was overwhelming. I then had a shower and the three of us shuffled up the hallway to a fantastic double room where I stayed for two more full nights. It was clear I was extremely fortunate to have three fantastic hospital staff work with us through our labour and birth expereince. Having been allocated one midwife as part of our hospitals MAMTA program was a godsend and was illustrated by my connection to her when she entered the room when I was in the throws of labour and I called out to her. My care could not have been any better and my maternity experience was excellent. A far cry from the anxieties I had though my antenatal care with my GD diagnosis and what I initally thought to be excessive medical management because of the category 'high-risk pregnancy'. After care has been fantastic with my midwife and maternal health nurse visiting my home in the first week and access to the lactation consultant for breastfeeding issues and a physio for pelvis abdominal and spinal. issues.

Weighed at 7.2 lbs and we didn't name him after the scales!

Tested and tagged

That first night was surreal. I did not sleep but watched Avery like a hawk. We laid him on the bed and I cradled him with my arm. Dad slept of course, and I marvelled at how alike they were. The second night was very unsettled. Some of the nurses were very rough with trying to help me feed him. Avery was very hungry as my milk was not in and expressing and feeding was extremely painful. He has a tongue tie and his little mouth squashes my nipple on the roof of his mouth, creating blisters and misshaped nipples. So we decided to supplement with formula until the breasts supplies 100%. Initially I was very upset by this, but the lactation consultant also said my nipples have vaso-constriction making them extremely painful. So I am pumping my milk until we can sort out those issues. Avery will have his little tongue fixed and then I'll try again. By day four Avery had lost 5 percent of his body weight and by day nine he is back at birth weight!

UPDATE: day ten and Avery is now feeding on 100% breast milk from pumping and on the breast!

At right: Checked, tagged and weighed.

It occurred to me that we had put off having kids for so long. I wondered why we didn’t do this sooner having been together for nearly 9 years, but I guess we are ready now. I am still making the the mental transition of thinking about my life now as a mother and parent. He is a beautiful baby, settles well, tells us what he needs, loves quite time with mum and dad, he loves his food and has the hiccups frequently after eating - just like he has done since 20 weeks in the womb. He also loves massages. (Not surprising as so do his parents!) We cannot stop looking at him and I am excited by what lies ahead. It is so wonderful watching dad and bubs get to know each other. I love my husband at an even deeper level through all of this.

As for post recovery, I am healing well. I will have some pelvic floor work to do, and some rectus abdominal work - appears I have quite a gap between these muscles. The stitches are nearly gone. Though my back is weak, I am mentally strong and positive despite the sleepless nights.

Life is absolutely brilliant!

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• Sleeping at 6 hours old	First bath at 14 hours
  Moments of bliss at 36 hours	Yay - going home!