My Jellybean Sex: boy Born: 01 February, 2008 Age: 0 years & 174 days Birthday in: 191 days Starsign: Aquarius Development: See the 5 months page. Biggest achievement so far: Teaching me that life is precious and too short to take for granted because you never know when life is going to be taken away.

I know that this section is meant to be for your children, but I felt the need to create this page in rememberance of my baby, who I sadly lost on February 1st 2008 when I had a spontaneous miscarriage.

I was 8 weeks 5 days pregnant when I lost my baby. I had been bleeding for around 10 days before I actually miscarried, although I didn't tell my doctor or go to the ER because I figured that if I was going to miscarry, it was going to happen, and that there most likely would've been nothing that could've been done. As my miscarriage happened early in my pregnancy, I didn't get to find out the sex, but I had a gut feeling that my baby was a boy, as well as two dreams my baby was a boy (one of which my baby was more around the age of 3-4 and couldn't talk, maybe that meant that my baby wasn't going to survive), which is why I put the gender as boy.

I hadn't yet had an ultrasound before I miscarried because I knew the date of my last period as Michael and I had been trying for about 3 months so I was keeping track of when AF was due. (We weren't putting much effort into trying, it was more like we wanted to get me pregnant because we wanted to start a family so we would just BD whenever we felt like it and hoped it would work for us, which it did). I don't know whether I'm glad or not that I didn't get an ultrasound; I feel like I wouldn't be handling this as well as I am if I saw my baby moving on screen and saw the heartbeat.

When I miscarried, my baby was complete; still inside the amniotic sac which was unruptured. I could see my baby perfectly; fingers, toes, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, arms, legs, heart, and even my baby's brain. It was heartbreaking to realise that I'd just lost my baby, but I was in awe of how beautiful and perfect my baby was. The size and appearance coincides with what is described and depicted on this site, so I am unsure what actually caused the bleeding, but my guess was the sac separating from the placenta as I lost the placenta almost 24 hours after my baby.

I had an ultrasound about a week later (as that was the earliest I could get one) to make sure I had passed everything, which I had. The only thing the ultrasound tech told me was that my uterus tilts forward which is normal and fine, but makes it a little harder to see. My ovaries were also scanned and shown to be normal, so I left feeling happy that I had passed everything, but still upset that I had lost my baby.

I asked God for my baby, and so I don't know why He took my baby back to Heaven so soon, but I guess I'll find out some day.

I still find it amazing how you can fall in love with someone you've yet to meet so much in so little time. My baby will always be in my heart, and will always be my first born to me, even if I didn't make it to term. And while many will not see me as a mother because I do not have a child of my own to hold and show affection for, in my eyes, and in God's eyes, and am still a mother; but it's just easier to say I'm not.