Jan. 8, 2010- (6 weeks 6 days since LMP):

Today I went in for my first doc appointment, and of course the longest. After doing the routine stuff, we had an ultrasound done. We could see a sac and that was all... no heartbeat. The doc wasn't concerned because I got my BFP about a week after my expected period, so maybe I'm just earlier than I thought. I go back in 2 weeks for a check up.

Jan. 21, 2010- (8 weeks 5 days since LMP):

Well, Once again back at the doc for an ultrasound. I knew immediately something was still wrong. There was still no heartbeat. There was though, growth of the sac, and a fetal pole that measured to be 5 weeks 6 days.... but that isn't a good sign because I got my BFP exactly 4 weeks ago today. At this point in time we're not getting our hopes up for a successful pregnancy and actually got the 'here's what to do if you start bleeding' talk. She said there is a slight chance everything could be okay, and we go back in 1 week for another u/s. Today I got my blood drawn to check my HCG levels, and again on Saturday to see if they are doubling like they should be. I will get those results on Monday and those results will help me prepare for my u/s on wednesday. I don't know what to think right now.

Jan. 25, 2010- (9 weeks 2 days since LMP):

I got my HCG levels back from last Thursday and Saturday. Thursday I was at 7737, and Saturday they were 10348. Doc said they should approximately double in the 48 hours, and since they haven't I don't know what's up! They aren't staying the same, and not going down, so who knows. I guess I'm still just on the waiting game and we'll see more on Wednesday with my next u/s. Wish us luck!

Jan. 27, 2010- (9 weeks 4 days since LMP):

Went back in for another u/s today... the NP measured the sac and yolk sac and they have both grown. Last Thursday i measured 5 weeks 6 days, and today I measured 6 weeks 3 days, but there was no sign of a baby in the womb, and no fetal pole. We think last u/s the 'fetal pole' we saw was actually an edge of the yolk sac. She sent me down the hall to the real ultrasound technician to get a better evaluation from her, and her higher tech equipment. She also found only the yolk sac. There was a small little bump on the edge that she said COULD possibly be the fetal pole, but that it seemed to be too far from the yolk sac for that to be the case, and then on top of that when she measured it, it would only measure 5 weeks for that. Things are not looking good right now. We are pretty certain that I will be miscarrying sooner or later. I had another HCG level draw today, so I will get the results from that tomorrow to see if my numbers are still going up, or on their way down. My doc did say that sometimes, unexplained to them a woman will come back in a week and they will all of a sudden see a heartbeat they weren't expecting to see, but really to not get my hopes up. I have to say, last week's u/s was much worse than this one, because at that point I was really hoping to see a heartbeat. This week I've been preparing myself for this so it didn't hit as hard, and I only teared up once. I have another appointment for next thursday for another u/s, but right now I'm preparing to miscarry. =*(

Jan. 28, 2010- (9 weeks 5 days since LMP):

This morning I got a call from my doctor... Saturday my HCG levels were 10,348.... and then 4 days later on Wednesday (yesterday) my levels came back at 9,100. They are on their way down, and now we know for certain that this pregnancy is going to be over soon. It finally hit me this morning, and I am so sad. Hubby and I are going out of town on Saturday and sunday to Magic Mountain to spend some much needed time together. I just hope that the pain and bleeding starts after sunday. Well, after 3+ weeks of being uncertain and still clinging onto hope, in many ways it feels good to actually KNOW for sure about the viability of this pregnancy. I hope to be back one day, but who knows when that will be.

Feb. 9, 2010- (11 weeks 3 days since LMP):

Well, here's my update. I found out my HCG levels from last Thursday (10 weeks 5 days since LMP) they were 7866. 8 Days before that it was 9100... seems to be going down very slowly. My oh my. Anyways, after watching THE BACHELOR with my girlfriends last night, I made a 90min phone call to my friend. During that time I was aimlessly walking through the house, and felt so achy/crampy but attributed it to being the end of the day and walking. Well, after I got off the phone I went to the bathroom and found a big spot of blood. "Here we go" I thought, got my pads ready, took 3 advil, and went to bed in my clothes in case I needed to rush to the hospital in the night. Well, I woke up this morning and have gone all day WITHOUT any more bleeding. I guess it's going to take a bit longer. We'll see what the doc says tomorrow. Maybe it will FINALLY be done by the time I hit 40 weeks since LMP. =(

Feb. 14, 2010- (12 weeks 1 days since LMP):

Alright, my journey has now come to an end. 2 days ago at 11 weeks 6 days I had my D&C done. It just came to the point where I felt I was moving on, and yet I couldn't because my pregnancy was still IN my body! The D&C went very smoothly, and I was just so exhausted all day friday. Saturday morning I overdid it, and the pain I've had come and go in my left side was back with intensity. I took 2 of my strong pain pills and napped, but woke up with more pain. My friend came over until my mom could come, and Derick and I headed to the hospital. It took 12 hours, but after my CT Scan I finally had an answer! Evidently I have Diverticulitis. Inflammed, infected abnormal pouches on my colon. We caught it early enough that I can just treat it with anti-biotics rather than surgery! I am sooooo glad I went to the ER, because when this first arose in November my doctor told me it was probably just bad CRAMPS! Then when it came again a few weeks ago I was told that we could do laproscopic exploratory surgery if I liked! hmmmmmmmmmm, I'm just glad I found a doctor who knew what to check. Thank God. Now, hopefully I can recover from ALL this that has gone on in the past week and be healthy once again. =) But let me tell you, all I want to do this Valentine's day is SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP.