More....

It's a GIRL!!!

Kaydence, Mommy can't wait to meet you!

Finding Out:

I was two days late for my period and I didn't really think much of it, the only thing that had me wondering was my expanding waste line! I felt super bloted and just wanted to start my period so I could feel normal again. For about three days I kept telling myself that if I didn't start the next day I would take a test, the next day would come and go and I wwould chicken out and tell myself I would try again tomorrow. It was a Monday morning when I finally got the courage to buy a test. I pulled into Wallgreens and thought to myself "I wonder if I will remember this Wallgreens for the rest of my life, as the one I bought my test at". I only had a few minutes before I had to be at work so I ran in bought the test and ran out. I arrived at work just in time to clock in I had to pee so bad but I was trying to hold it for the test. I ran into the bathroom and peed in the nano cup they provide in the test and dip my stick and wait. It says that positive results will come up in sixty seconds so I start counting to 60. Still sitting on the pot I finish counting to sixty and there was nothing. I took a deep breath and honestly felt relieved. I finished using the bathroom grabbed the test and walked out. I looked back down at the test and saw a very faint line starting to appear. I was in shock. I ran to my co-workers office threw the test on her desk and said "What in the hell is that?" She grabbed the test with a huge grin on her face and said "Your pregnant!" I was in such denile. I read the instructions a million times. It did say in there that if there is a line you either have an ovarian cyst or your pregnant. I told my co-worker maybe I have cancer? I was in such denial! Still not happy with the faded line I went to a pregnancy crisis center on my lunch break...and sure enough they confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. Five weeks! My husband had just switched jobs and we were having a hard time making ends meet with the gap in paychecks. I thought in my head that it would really stress him out to know that we were going to be adding on to our family, so I kept the news to myself.

Spotting:

A couple days after finding out I was pregnant I had a small amount of blood appear. I called the OB and they said not to worry to much as long as I was not cramping. I had still not told my husband and now that I was freaking about losing the baby I really didn't want to tell him. I didn't want him to be stressing out over it and his new job ( I would later learn that all of these thoughts of how he would react were way off!). I continued to spot brown for a couple of days and I thought for sure I was losing the baby. One day my spotting even turned pink which was a bad sign. But sure enough nothing happened. I continued to worry myself sick over losing the baby though.

Telling My Husband:

My husband and I are HUGE UFC fans and everytime there is an event we have people over and watch the fights. We always have lots of food and drinks, well obviously now that I was pregnant I would not be partaking in the drink part. So I thought for sure my husband would think something was up when I didn't drink! The question did come up why I was not drinking but I kind of brushed it off and told him I just didn't want to. He looked confused but was like ok. The next weekend our six year old daughter was scheduled to go to my Mom's house for a couple of days just to spend time with her( they live a couple of hours away and my mom wants her every chance she gets so every once in a while I will share her) So my husband sent me a text message asking if I wanted to go out that night since we didn't have our daughter. He specifically asked if I wanted to grab a couple of drinks. My heart started racing becasue I knew he was going to figure it out soon and now that it had been two weeks it seemed like it was so built up in my head. I text messaged him back that I would love to go out but I didn't want to drink. Very confused he replyed "Do you not love me any more? Why don't you want to have fun with me anymore?" I laughed to myself knowing what I was about to say was going to open his eyes. I told him when you figure out what is really going on you are going to feel so stupid! He instantly text messaged my back .....wait are you pregnant? So I texted him right back YES!!!!!!! And he replyed LOL...who is the dad????? He thingks he is SO funny. So I of coursed called him right away, and he was laughing. He didn't really doubt that he was the dad he just thinks that is super funny. He did not have ANY of the reactions that I thought he would have, he was SO super excited. He was on his way to work and after I told him the news he got lost and couldn't even stand to go to not come home and see me! He was SO mad that I didn't tell him the second I found out. He still to this day gives me so much crap for not telling him and then when I did finally tell him I told him via text!

Telling The Family:

After telling my husband I was still very scared about losing the baby so I told him that I had not told my mom or anyone becasue I wanted to wait until I was three months along. He said NO WAY even if you lose the baby you need to tell your mom. I thought about it and he was right. So I called my mom. She freaked out and cried and was so excited she had to pull over in her car. She went on and on about how this was the best thing that ever happened to her and that this was the best day of her life, besides when I was born and when my other daughter was born. I got off the phone with her and by then my husband had told EVERYONE. A few hours later my mom called back she was drinking with her friends and had told EVERYONE! So much for waiting for three months. My husband also couldn't wait to share the news with the love of our lives our six year old daughter Kynadi (pronounced Kennedy). She could not believe it when he told her. She looked at my belly and just kept saying "I am going to get a brother or a sister?!?!?!" Something she had been asking for since she was about 3!

Spotting Again:

I continued to have the brown spotting off and on and it worried me sick even thought EVRYONE was telling me it was normal. I still had not had my first ultra sound so I had not heard a heart beat or anything. My morning sickness had began to rear its ugly head and I was exhausted all of the time. Not to mention that my hormones were out of control. One night it was kind of late and I went to the bathroom only to discover bright red blood. I thought for sure it was over...I broke down and cried. My husband didn't freakout at all, he calmly grabbed my phone and told me to call my OB. My OB was not on call so I talked to another Dr who seemed very frustrated that I was bothering him and told me I was not far along enough to see much with an ultra sound and that I would just have to wait it out. I fianlly had enough of the worrying and decided to go to the ER. My husband wanted to go to but I insisted that he stay home becasue our daughter was already in bed and had school in the morning. When I finally got seen in the ER they rolled me back to see an ultra sound tech. As she scanned my belly she said nothing...I was so scared. I asked her if she saw anyhting and she said she was not authorized to tell me anything she saw she was just to do the scan! I began sobbing assuming that meant the worse. After seeing how distraught I was she turned the volume to the machine on and that is when I heard the music to my ears. MY BABY'S HEART BEAT!!!! She still said nothing but I knew that was her way of telling me it was ok. The ER Dr came back and told me that everything seemed normal BUT that anytime there is bleeding they callit a threatened miscarrige and that I had a 50% chance of losing the baby still. I didn't know how to feel at that point. I fianlly had my first ultra sound with my OB and we got to see our little baby with the heart beat and four stubs. BUT I continued to have some spotting. At a little after 3 months I had the bright red blood again and was back in the same boat of fear and anger and saddness. I went back to the ER because I was supposed to leave town for Thanksgiving the next day and I was not about to leave without knowing what was going on. So I went into the ER and saw yet another DR this one was much more heplful. I explained my situation and how I thought after three months I was in the clear. He gave me another ultra sound and sure enought everything was ok. He even let me take a peak at my little baby, I burst into tears with relief. He said that up to 22 weeks there is still risk for losing the baby BUT since I had now had 3 normal ultra sounds that I really didn't need to worry, and that bleeding is actually very normal and that it might even happen to me again. I was so happy to have some one fianlly tell me some good news and give me some words of comfort. I have not had any spotting since that last time, fingers crossed...I hope I don't have to go through that again!

Finding Out The Sex:

Since the moment he found out I was pregnant my husband just knew for sure that it was a boy! I kept thinking it was a girl but I couldn't decide if that was because that was all I knew was having a girl, since we already had one. Needless to say we wanted to find out ASAP. My Dr didn't want to schedule one until I was 20 weeks so it would be more accurate, but I knew we could find out as early as 16-17 weeks, so I made an appointment at a private clinic and paid out of pocket to have it done at 17 weeks. The day I turned 17 weeks me, my husband, and daughter, and my mom and dad all piled into an the ultra sound room. At first the baby's butt was right up against my uterus so the tech was having a hard time getting in there to check it out. My daughter wanted a sister more thatn anything my husband was sure it was a boy and I thought it was a girl. The tech fianlly said "oh there we go, YOUR HAVING A GIRL!!!!!!!" my mom burst into tears she was so excited. She later told me she secertly wanted another girl! SO my husband still in shock that he was going to have two girls grabbed my hand and smiled. He began texting the news to all of our family and friends. Everyone but his family had nothing but nice words to say and they were so excited for us. My dauhgter couldn't even see straight she was so happy. I couldn't help to feel like my husband was disappointed. Although he was not showing it I think it was there. To make matters worse his family was down right nasty about it. One of his family members even cried in dissapointment! I was so upset that that they could not be happy for us and be thankful for a healthy pregnancy. I spent the next few days kind of upset at my in-laws reaction. I knew God had given us a girl for a reason that we may never understand and I also knew that I was blessed beyond words to be able to bring another life onto this earth. Our daughter even spoke wise words to us that she knew God gave us another girs so she could have a sister. With the age gap they will have I do think they will be closer than if it was a boy, which is one of a million reasons to celebrate Kaydence joining our family in May!

Jan 14th 2008

Well I am 22 weeks and 2 days today. My first trimester was really rough, I had horrible morning sickness and I had three or four scares with spotting. Things seem to be going much better and for the most part I am actually enjoying my pregnancy. I feel my little girl move all of the time now, so even when I am feeling down it all seems worth it.

Jan 21st 2008

I am 23 weeks and 2 days today. Physically I feel pretty good. I get uncomfortable sometimes but I am sleeping really well at night, just wish I could take an afternoon nap! Not going to happen when I am at work. I feel my baby move all of the time although just today I have not felt her so much. I feel a jab in my bladder every once in a while so I am guessing she is turned in towards my backside which is why I can't feel her as much. I would be freaking out more but since I can still feel her a little and I have read it is normal to not feel them 24/7 at this stage, I am trying to keep my cool. Ok, so lets talk about my emotional state! I am a wreck! I could not be more excited or happier about this pregnacy and I am so blessed to be having a healthy baby girl, BUT I have been an emotional basket case for the past few days. I feel like I need LOTS of attention from my husband, I am just convinced that he doesn't love me anymore...even though he spends hours everyday telling me he loves me and he thinks I am so sexy when I am pregnant. I was such a mess on Saturday that he declared it "Amy's Day" and spent all day right next to my side doing whatever I wanted. It was very sweet. I am thinking its becasue I feel so un familiar with myself when I am pregnant? Not just physcially obviously I look a lot different but emotionally too! I have always been a very sensative person...ok I am a sap, the kind that cries at the Foldger's Christmas commercial when the guy suprises his family with a visit on Christmas morning...that one gets me everytime! Any way I guess I am used to being my husbands best friend, always down for an adventure, loves a good night out. Not anymore I have turned into a tired over cautious mess. I am always worried about the baby. I always want to sleep and I don't feel like I have the energy to be the mom and wife I want to be. I do realize that althought this is all true, my family knows this and understands. I am sure my husband wants his old wife back, but he would never say that and for the most part is very supportive. I guess what I want is to be Superwomen and not have the pregnancy slow me down at all....we all know that is not going to happen. Most of the time I am actually alright. My first pregnancy I felt like this all of the time and was not able to enjoy my pregnancy. I vowed not to do that to myself this time and enjoy this AMAZING gift of pregnancy. My husband and I only want two kids so this will be my last pregnancy so I want to embrace it instead of rushing it. I want to remember and cherish every little kick my baby girl gives me. On Christmas I was with my husband's family and most of them were celebrating with a few drinks and my brother in law said "I feel so sorry for you that you can not drink" granted my husbands family is a handful and a drink or two does help...but come on! I get to feel new life in me! I think I will live without drinking for the night! I sit around thinking about and day dreaming about this little girl all of the time, and I get upset that my husband doesn't do the same. Geez reading these words out loud makes me feel even crazier! I know he can not relate to the pregnancy like I can but I want him to dang it! I guess I want him to be Superman too!!! LOL! I am crazy!

Jan 28th 2008

Here we are in week 24. I am still feeling a little akward in my own skin...part of me can't wait to be my old self again and another part of me wants to hang on to every minute of this feeling becasue I know for sure I don't want any more children. Two will complete my family perfectly. I spend most of my days day dreaming about meeting my little girl for the first time. I have stretch marks on my butt and boobs....ugh! I hope they fade...they are the big purple ones! Oh well its all worth it. I have found that I have very little motivation at work. What use to be so important to me (my career) has turned into just another daily task that I have to get through. I am really trying to get things done in the nursery becasue I know I only have a few more weeks of any type of comfort and energy. I painted last weekend and put some things on the wall, just waiting on the crib I ordered to arrive. Fighting a little bit of depression but I know it is all hormonal so I am trying to brush it off, I have a lot of anxiety though, sometimes it keeps me awake at night...kind of goes along with that feeling of being uncomfortable in my own skin. I know when this is all over I will look at these times fondly, maybe even miss them:)

February 7th, 2008

I keep reaching mile stones in this pregnancy and then realizing that I am still not in the safe zone. It was like with the first trimester and the bleeding I thought once I reach 13 weeks I would be safe...WRONG, I bled again at 14 weeks and was told that you can actually miscarriage up to 20-22 weeks! So then I make it to 25 weeks and have another scare and am told that the baby would only have a 50/50 chance of survival and even if she did make it she would be in ICU for six months and most likely have brain damage. So now I am holding my breath for 32 weeks...I guess that is my new "safe date". Ughh I just wish I was not such a spaz and could relax. This is all steming from my Sunday night experience. My husband and I had been fightning all weekend for diferent reasons and by Sunday we had made up and were sad that we had wasted the whole weekend together fighting, so naturally we had to have "make-up" sex RIGHT!?!?! Well I guess we missed eachother a little to much. I ended up bleeding kind of alot during our make up session which I did not know until we were done. So I called my Dr who called right back and said he would meet me at the hospital in labor and delivery just to be sure I was not progressing in labor in any way. So I went in to the hospital at around midnight left my husband and daughter at home. They checked me out and watched me and the baby closely for 2 hours. The bleeding stopped and I had no contractions but was still told to take it very easy and no more sex until I am 36 weeks! UGH! So now I am frantic about every BH contraction I have, went to the ER last night because I had about 8 contractions in a row. I got a shot to stop them, but once again I was not showing any signs of labor so I was sent home, thank goodness! Now I am just sitting here overly worried about my little princess....7 more weeks Kaydence....we can do it!

February 11th, 2008

Hello week 26! One more week closer to the safe date! I have been feeling so much better emotionally. I finally feel a little less freaked out. I have gone about 5 days with very little BH contractions. I am starting to feel worn out and tired again. My hunger is up finally and I really just want to eat anything salty...pickles my best friend, chips, vinegar...I know gross right, but that's all I want. I don't like sweets of any kind yet. I keep expecting to start craving ice cream or something but no, I want my pickles and salt! I woke up this morning not feeling great. My throat is sore and I am more worn out than usual. My husband and daughter were sick all weekend, and it looks like I am getting it just in time for work! Oh well, as long as my baby is healthy and safe in my belly I am good.

February 22, 2008

On to week 28 tomorrow! I am so excited that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I can't believe how uncomfortable I am already. Still sleeping pretty good, except for the needing to pee every hour! I ended up getting really sick last week and I am still kind of fighting it this week. My daughters birthday is on Monday and I am turing THIRTY on Wednesday. Oh my gosh I am having a hard time with the big 3-0! My mom swears that her thirties were the best years of her life so we shall see. I just feel like I am losing my youth. I need to be greatful that I am healthy and happy and I have a new family memeber on the way. My husband felt the baby move a lot the other day. He thinks he even felt little digits. He could not believe it. He never felt that with our first daughter. I am getting really excited to meet this little girl. My daughter is starting to ask more questions and get really excited too. Yesterday she was taking a bath and she said "Mommy, I wonder what Kaydence looks like?" " I think she is going to have dark hair just like me". She kisses my belly every morning and night and tells her sister that she loves her. It is so sweet, it brings tears to my eyes. I am having my Dr appointments every two weeks now, which is nice. It helps me feel more at ease so we can continue to make sure I am not showing signs of labor without going to the ER. My contractions have kind of picked up again. I had a lot of them yesterday, I am getting them in my back too, which has proven to be a lot more painful. Can't wait for 37 weeks.....8 more weeks!

February 27th, 2008

Well today is my 30th birthday and I am feeling so depressed! I can't seem to snap out of it. My husband is very over stressed with work and has hardly given me the time of day. My parents came down to see me, thank goodness, they made me feel a little special. I guess it just seems like its a big deal turning the big 3-0 and none of my friends even called. I feel like becasue I am pregnant I have been put on everyone's back burner, like I am out of commision or something. I feel like I am being a baby about it but its really tearing me up. We are trying to save money so my husband didn't buy me anything which I am fine with, but a flower or card would have been nice. Oh well tommorrow is another day. I will get over it.

March 4th, 2008

29 weeks and 4 days today, cant wait to get to 32 weeks! Almost there baby girl:) I have still been having a lot of contractions so I am very worried about having her berfore the 32 week mark. I have a Dr appointment tomorrow so hopefully I will find out that I am not dialated. I would really like her to hold out until 36 weeks. I had Kynadi at 37 weeks which was perfect. hopefully her sister Kaydence will do the same. As miserable as I am with this awful cough, heartburn, back ache, and soar hips I would do it all a thousand times over if it meant my baby being safe. Having said that I am so over it! I can not sleep at all and I am still working full time and being a mommy and wife. It is kicking my butt! I like to look at it as a challenge but some days I just want to break down and cry. Sunday afternoon I had just returned home from the store when my husband informed me that I had bought the wrong brand of lotion. He has very sensative skin and needs a certain kind. I broke down in tears over it! I had not slept hardly at all in 3 nights and I guess that was my last straw. I am sure someday we will look back and get a good laugh out of all of this but at the time it seems earth shattering! I actually slept a little better than usual last night. I am guessing my body gets to the point that it is so exhausted that I can fianlly sleep through all of the aches and pains. It sure does make a big difference on my emotional well being when I get a little shut eye. I do realize that my days of sleep are long gone for a long time now so I guess I should throw in the towel and deal with the fact I am going to be a mental wreck for the next 9-12 months!

March 31, 2008

33 weeks!!!!! We made it Kaydence...I can take a big deep sigh of relief!!! I just had me baby shower over the weekend, it was fantastic! I got so much nice stuff, a lot of hand made stuff, which makes it special. I hate being the center of attention so I had my daughter open the gifts and display them, she loved it and I enjoyed not having all eyes on me. I have been pretty uncomfortable with back pain and syatic nerve pain. I also feel like I have a pulled muscle in my groin area. I walk around limping and moaning alot. I have contractions all of the time and now they are feeling more like period cramps. I still feel like my little girl will hold out at least a few more weeks. She has hiccups all of the time and she lets me and her daddy play with her toes all of the time. i just can't wait to hold her and kiss those little feet.

April 7, 2008

34 weeks and three days. This sure has proven to be an interesting week! Last Wed I went to my normal OB appointment and my Dr noticed I was having contractions (as usual) he didn't like them and sent me right to labor and delivery. When I got there they check me and I was 1.5cm dialated and 50% effaced. They gave me that nasty tributiline to try and stop the contractions and that actually made them worse. So they made me stay there and monitored me and Kaydence for a couple of hours. They called my Dr with the results and now I have been put on bed rest until the following Wed when I go see my Dr again. Sunday night my contractions got really bad and they felt crampy and were very consistant. I didn't think I was going into labor but I was afraid the contractions would further progress my dialation so I decided to go to the hospital again. When I got there they gave me a muscle relaxor to try and stop them. They seemed to slow down but did not stop so they decided to give me one more. They were finally able to stop them. They proceeded to monitor me for another 2 hours to watch the baby. They gave me juice to make sure she woke up and finally at 4am they let me go home. Needless to say I am exhausted. I know she would be ok if I had her now but I really don't want her in NICU so I would be thrilled if she would hold out a couple more weeks....I think she will. I just need to take it easy.