BusyCaliforniaMom
	Age: 25 Country: USA Province/region: California City: Partner: My Husband Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation: Wife/Mom/Student
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 325 days ago. Member since: 382 days
| Profile | Photos (0) | Children (2) | Blog (11) | Polls (0) | Agenda (2) | Comments added (4) | Notepad

Hello, and welcome to my page. I first came across this site when I was pregnant with my son, and now that I am pregnant again, I have decided to become a member because I enjoy it so much. My husband is in the military and I am a stay at home mom and full time online undergraduate student working on my BS in Psychology, and then moving on to graduate school. Needless to say I am incredibly busy, on top of chasing a very curious and active one year old!




My husband and I are beyond thrilled to be expecting another child, and were quite surprised it only took one month of trying. We got pregnant with Liam while I was on the pill, so even though I already have a baby, it was a new experience to actually TTC! My husband was gone for the first half of my pregnancy with Liam because he was in Iraq, but most importantly was there during the uncomfortable 3rd trimester and birth. This time he isn't going anywhere for the next year so he will be around to help out and see me in all my glory as I experience morning sickness and mood swings with this pregnancy. I look forward to sharing this special time with fellow mommies, mommies to be and mommies by heart.











Postpartum Anxiety

Please take a few moments and read about my experience with Postpartum Anxiety - it was one of the roughest times of my life but I got through it with help. When my son was 4 months old, my husband left for his second tour in Iraq. We were living in England that time, which left me feeling very isolated along with the slight seasonal depression I was experiencing because it was always so dark and gloomy in the winter. 3 weeks after my husband left, I found out my grandmother had a heart attack and needed immediate open heart surgery. The next day my young son and I made the very long journey to Georgia. It was very important to me that she meet her great-grandson before she went into her surgery just a couple days later. This is my father's mother, and since he passed away a few years ago, it was just me, my sister, and brother left of the family. My grandmother survived the surgery but had a difficult time recovering and died 3 weeks later while still in the ICU. Unfortunately I was responsible for managing the funeral arrangements, and every little detail it entailed. It was too much for me.

A couple weeks after her funeral, I became terribly ill with symptoms I've never experienced before. After going to 3 different doctors and spending several hours in the ER in 2 hospitals, I was finally diagnosed with Clostridium Difficile, or C Diff, a bacterial infection in the colon, which if left untreated it could be fatal. Doctors believed I picked up the bacteria when visiting my grandmother often in the ICU. Hospitals are crawling with the bacteria. I was put on very strong antibiotics which helped. My son and I flew back to England once I was well enough. The next day I had a relapse, which was 10 times worse than what I experienced with C Diff. I was admitted to the base hospital, where it was a serious enough situation to bring my husband home immediately. It took several weeks for me to recover. By that time we had less than 2 months before we were to move to the States, and with that came obvious stress with preparing for the move.

One night I got out of bed to respond to my crying 8 month old son. It was a normal routine, however, I just snapped and starting yelling at him. My husband had to calm me down and I couldn't go back to sleep. Something inside me changed, and from that night on I suffered from severe sleep disturbances and emotional turmoil. It seemed like everything became a challenge to me, and all I wanted to do was isolate myself from everyone and everything. I was irritable, terribly fatigued from sleep deprivation, and began to feel hopeless. I was having panic attacks and experiencing physical pain such as headaches and backaches constantly. I was taking pain pills like candy and they eventually stopped working for me. I became dependent on alcohol induced sleep - I would drink about 8 ounces of vodka every night to put me to sleep each time I woke up. My marriage was strained and I was not being the mother I needed to be to my son. I sought help from my doctor, who decided to put me on Paxil to help with my seritonin levels which could help with my sleep disturbances. He felt I didn't have depression, but instead was responding to situational stimuli which resulted in an overwhelming amount of stress. The stimuli included the worry of my husband in Iraq at the beginning of the year, the death of my grandmother, being sick with C Diff, being a new mom, and getting ready for a big move. The doctor also gave me sleeping pills, the higher dosage of Ambien, to help me sleep.

Ambien worked for 2 nights, where I was able to get 5 straight hours of sleep. After that, it only put me to sleep for 2 hours. The doctor switch the sleeping pills to Restoril, which worked better for me. The pills were gold in my eyes and I was very afraid to use them up quickly. I began mixing the pills with alcohol - I found if I took half a pill followed by vodka, then it would put me to sleep for 4 hours at a time. I was desperate from sleep, and not in the right state of mind, so I continued this behavior for another 2 weeks. The awful clouded and hung over feeling started to catch up and I realized I couldn't do that anymore...I became so disconnected to myself and everyone important to me. I wanted nothing to so with my son because he became such an inconvenience and my husband was left the enormous responsibility for caring for my son during the time he was home from work and during the night. He resented me for that fact, and I resented my son because my husband was growing apart from me. I finally admitted to my husband about my secret addiction - and we saw the doctor the next day. I was so close to being put in a rehab program, but I was determined to muster the little bit of strength I had to get through this. I made a promise not only to my doctor and husband, but also to myself that I would not continue that destructive behavior. I also began seeing a counselor, which was extremely beneficial because I was provided with a wealth of information which I read and began applying to my life.

I was still having sleep disturbances, but little by little it got better. I was able to fall asleep on my own, and if I woke in the night and couldn't go back to sleep, then I would take half of a sleeping pill. It worked better for me to sleep alone, since I wouldn't disturb my husband or son when I would wake in the night. After 2 long months of this, I eventually achieved normal sleeping habits again, threw away the sleeping pills, and changed for the better. By this time we had already moved to the States, and were starting over new. I was determined to begin this new phase as the best mother and wife I could be, now that I had overcome my anxiety and sleep disorder. I began the process of coming off the paxil too, which took about a month but I did it. Most importantly I read up on this disorder every day and benefited from making the changes in my life, needed to overcome this monster which was bigger than I was. I learned that there are many women out there who as new moms experience this without the other factors that caused mine. Having a new baby is just too much of a challenge for them.

I saw how my life was turned upside down by anxiety disorder, occurring postpartum. If you or anyone you know is having similar issues, please seek help. You are not alone! It is the best thing for you, your family, and most importantly your baby to become healthy again. Do not be afraid to see the doctor - they can help you by giving you the medical assistance you need to overcome this. Read as much information that you can to gain the knowledge you need to fight this. You will get better, but it all starts with recognizing and acknowledging there is a problem. And please, do not ever involve your child in the negativity that you are feeling. I knew I didn't want to do that to my son, so it was in his best interest to let my husband be the main care giver during the time I needed to work on my recovery. Seek help immediately if you have any suspicion that you may be experiencing Postpartum Anxiety or Depression.