I am 20w6d today. I decided it's about time to write my story, since I can't seem to stop thinking about it lately.

We found out that we were pregnant in the middle of March. I had only been off the pill since December and everyone kept telling me that it could take up to a year to get pregnant, so I was really surprised when the HPT gave me a BFP. A faint BFP, but a BFP none the less! To be sure I went out and bought a two pack of digital HPTs on a friend's advice (Thank you Erika!) and two undeniable PREGNANT 's later I was pretty convinced and so was my husband. I made my appt with my OB and watched in wonder as my physical and emotional self began to change.

I wanted to tell everyone! I was so excited. Waiting 12 weeks seemed...well, it seemed endless. I had to tell my work, I am a nurse and there are some patients that I should not be taking care of in my state, and I told my friend Erika, but she kind of already knew, but who I really wanted to tell was my mom and my big brother. The waiting was making me crazy, but my husband was adamant that we not tell everyone until the 12 week mark, just to be safe. At about 6 weeks I couldn't wait any longer, I had to tell my mom! My husband asked me to take one more HPT to make sure (because the other three...well, I guess they didn't count) and after I got a BFP, I called my mom and told her she was going to be a Grandma again. She was so excited, the first thing she said was "You have to move back home now!" My mom is awesome.

That same night I woke up at about 2 a.m. and I was bleeding. I was so scared, and I was so mad. I didn't know why I was bleeding, but I knew that if I was going to have a m/c there was nothing I could do. I sat in the bathroom and cried for a while and then I eventually crawled back into bed and went to sleep. The next morning when I woke up I was still bleeding a little so my husband (who was pretty upset that I didn't wake him up the night before) suggested that I call my doctor. (For some reason that hadn't crossed my mind in the middle of the night...) and when I did his nurse very calmly explained to me that spotting was normal in the first trimester and as long as I wasn't passing any clots or bleeding bright red blood then I shouldn't worry. Then she told me to go on Pelvic Rest for 72 hours. Well, I know she told me not to, but I worried. I worried all day, called in sick to work and didn't get out of bed.

For the next two weeks I stayed scared. I didn't want to do anything, I barely made it through work, and when I came home I went straight to bed and didn't move until the next morning when I had to get up to go to work. It was like I was already grieving. To make matters worse, I stopped having my pregnancy symptoms. I wasn't nauseated anymore, my breasts weren't sore, I just didn't feel pregnant anymore...and that scared me more than anything.

On April 15th we went in for our first appointment. I didn't want to go, I didn't want someone to confirm what I was so scared of, I didn't want someone to give me that look and tell me that they were sorry. My husband was with me every step of the way, he stayed strong for me and held my hand the whole time. When the PA came in to interview me I didn't want to tell her that I didn't feel pregnant anymore, so my husband did. She started to get that look, the one I didn't want to see and excused herself to go get the doctor.

I was struggling so hard to not cry. My husband just wrapped his arms around me and held me while we waited for the doctor. The PA came back with a U/S machine and told me to get undressed from the waist down, and after I did, the doctor came in, introduced himself to us, and asked me a few questions. I explained what had happend with the bleeding and the lack of symptoms, and that I was afraid that something had happened. The doctor was very understanding and told me that he wanted to do a vaginal ultrasound to see what was going on.

I lay on the table with my eyes closed, holding my husbands hand, not wanting to hear the doctor confirm my worst fears, thinking, how was I going to tell my mom?, when the doctor says, "How many babies did you want?" I was so taken off guard that I replied, "One, why?" and the doctor looks at me with the huge grin and says "There are two in here!" He flipped the screen around and low and behold, there are our two beautiful babies! I felt my husband kind of flinch and I immediately started to cry I was so relieved! The doctor then said "Let's make sure there isn't another one hiding back there" and I swear my husband almost passed out!

Now here I am at 20w6d. Every day I am so grateful for our babies. Every day I think about that moment when the doctor looked at me with that huge grin and told me that I was having two babies. Every day I am thankful to be blessed with such a wonderful husband who loves and supports me. Every day I wake up and know that I am one day closer to looking into my babies' eyes. Every day is another day in the exciting journey of our family, a journey that will not end any time soon.