The Awesome, Exceptional, Amazing, Great, Wonderful Survey With Interesting Questions!!

What do people call you?: Colleen
What color is your hair?: Auburn w/ Gold
Is it natural?: Yes
How is it styled right now?: Style? Um, up and away from my 10 mo. old son's grabby paws!
Do you have allergies?: Laundry
Do you have any medical issues?:Chronic eye roll at stupidity. No medications or cure found yet (eye roll - there is no hope for the other)
What are you doing tomorrow?: Im not there yet
What are you doing this weekend?: See above
Do you have a job?: Unfortunately
What was the last thing you bought?: Silk wrap
How good is your eyesight?: I just spent 350 on contacts and glasses (after insurance)
What color is your mailbox?: It's a metal slot in the wall
What color are your bedroom walls?: White
What color are your sheets?: Chocolate
What color is the carpet?: 1 year with 'em and i am not quite sure...
Do you stalk people?: If they are stalkable
Have you ever had a stalker?: Only the 3 i caught and called the cops on
What was the last thing you ate?: An Oreo
Is your handwriting neat or sloppy?: SlOpPy
Are you a slob?: Only on Tuesdays, Thursdays and alternate Fridays
What do you spend a lot of money on?: Clothes
How many pairs of shoes do you own?: 50 - i honest to God only wear 5 pairs - tops!
Do you sleep with the door open or closed?: Open
Do you sleep with the closet doors open or closed?: Either
When was the last time you took a shower?: Last night
What does your mom do for a living?: Live off my father's alimony
Where is your dad right now?: Alabama
Who is the prettiest person you know?: Kenya - my dog. If you saw her, you'd agree.
What are you listening to right now?: My coworkers gossiping by the copier
What does your favorite shirt look like?: Depends on my mood
Do you read a lot?: YES!!
Do you write a lot?: Not as much as I'd like, but more than most.
What's the biggest age difference between you and someone you've dated?: 10y1m
What was your favorite thing to do when you were little?: Make pretend
Where were you born?: New Jersey
Would you ever shave your head?: NOT A CHANCE IN HELL (it's curly - it would take a decade to grow an inch)
Do people tell you that you're attractive?: I hate these...I say yes and i appear narcissistic...
Do you wear a lot of makeup?: Never
What time do you get up in the morning?: 7-8am ish
How long does it take you to get ready?: 20min
Do you look a lot like people in your family?: Yes and no. I look like parts of them thrown together
Are your parents still married?: No
Do you owe anyone money?: Yes
Who?: Jeff
What for?: Camera i bought from him
Do you kill bugs?: Depends on how big they are and how fast they are
Are you afraid of the dark?: No
What are you afraid of?: Never being loved
Who was the last person or people you hung out with?: My mother
Where was the trip you took?: Frontier Days, Prescott AZ
Do you have a cat?: No
Do you have a dog?: Yes
What color is your underwear?: Today i am wearing...heck if i know
Do you like sports?: Some - Most, if i play
Do you like art?: Always
Are your parents strict?: No
What time did you have to be home?: No time. I was able to learn from my mistakes
Will you be a parent like your parents? I can only hope
Do you watch TV a lot?: Not really
What's your favorite movie?: Arsenic and Old Lace
Why did your last relationship fail?: Grew apart
Do you have any pink clothing?: One item and it's an unmentionable
Do you wear a lot of black?: Im a woman and it's slimming
Are you tan?: In the farmer sense of the term
Piercings?: A few
Tattoos?: One
How tall are you?: 5'8
Would you ever ask someone out?: I have
Do you like the rain?: LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT
Would you ever want to be famous?: Yes. One day i might be ;)
How did you get one of your scars?: Tree, tree, dont know, straightening iron, cat, tree, bike, tree, bike, evil kid next door, paint ball, tree, drunken night in Mexico, dont know, ...
Do you get in fights a lot?: Only with myself
Have you ever had the chicken pox?: Yes
How many living things live in your house?: 4 that i know of
Are you loud?: Do i have to admit to it if i am?
Do you save a lot of things that are important to you?: I did for years, now im not sure if it's worth it
Do you beliieve in fortunes from fortune cookies?: I believe we make them true
Who was the last person you kissed?: My son
Who was the last person you hugged?: My son
Who was the last person you rode with in a car?: My mother
Would you ever go bungee jumping?: Not a chance, even if it were Brad Pitt asking
Would you ever travel to a country without indoor plumbing?: I have and would do it again
Do you like people?: Most of the time

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This pregnancy was (like the first) a complete shock to my system. When i got pregnant with Ryder i was on the pill. (We called the little peanut the 'Uber Sperm'). Ry was born in September and when i stopped breast feeding I got pregnant again in February. I didnt even know i was pregnant until i went into the Gyno for an exam because my 'first period' since giving birth was light and spotty for about 3 long weeks. It turns out i was having a miscarriage. As much as it pained me emotionally to go through it, it was thankfully very fleeting. I found out i was pregnant and miscarried in the same week so in a warped way it felt like simply a long period. At least that is how i wish to see it. Here is where things get interesting. A week after the miscarriage, and one week before i was to start taking BC pills i got pregnant again! Yup. Either im really fertile or my DF truly has Uber Sperm.

I have lived in a state of slight detachment though since i found out i was pregnant again. I acted cool and nonchalant when the Dr searched for the heartbeat and hid my tears of joy when the loud hoof-beats filled the exam room. But Im too scared to become fully attached to this wonderful being inside. I know the second i see the ultrasound it will all click and i'll jump up and down with joy and allow myself to view this all with less detachment...I already am loving my peanut more every day, but i can not shake the worry. (But i was worried throughout my first pregnancy until i was about 28ish weeks along.)


When it comes to the weight question, i really wish i could say i haven't gained anything. If wishes grew on trees...

With my son i went from a very svelte 125 to 192. (Did i just hear a collective 'Holy chit'?) I think i am pre-disposed to gaining huge amounts of weight. I was a 'hefty' child and a 'plump' teen. The max poundage i hit was when i was about 15 and weighted in at 240. I vowed to lose weight and thus began a 10 year struggle of lean cuisines and yoga.

So, as much as i loved getting and being pregnant; as much as i loved my son when he came along...there wasnt a day that went by that i didnt beat myself up over how much weight i was gaining. It didnt help, all the desserts i insisted upon having after ever meal for 9 months! (And dont tell me where there's a Will there's a way. Heck, i went from 240 to 125 - i know about Will. Will and i are best friends - at least we were. Seems whenever i get pregnant i tell Will to take a hike.)

The week i got home from the Hospital i hopped on the scale. Beware! They tell you to avoid the scale for a reason. I had only (i kid you not) lost 4 lbs. My son weighted 8lbs and the placenta 4ish. So i had gained weight between giving birth and going home!?!?

Here is where i get to my point (yes i have one). Four months after my son was born - four months of simply eating a little less than what i had throughout the pregnancy (the hunger does goes away - i swear), and going to yoga twice a week from the time i was able to work out. Four months later i was back to 135. (The last 5 lbs were a pain to shake ! and i didnt care about the other 5 i took on.)

So, sometimes it doesnt matter how much you gain (listen to your doctors though) because you CAN lose it. Really. And i have to believe myself this time around because at only 13 1/2 weeks i have already gained 20 lbs. Yup 1 trimester 20 lbs down, 2 trimesters and God knows how many lbs to go.


Fri, July 13th - People are really pissing me off today, I have a headache, i feel fatter than a pig at luau and i want to watch Jeff's head explode.

Mon, July 16th - Jeff's head didnt explode, but our relationship did. There is a 90% chance we wont make this work. Men can be such assh*les when it comes to understanding and dealing with hormones. (Maybe i'll write about it if i dont feel as drained later.)

Did your boyfriends, fiancés, husbands… ever get so fed up with your mood swings that they wanted to leave?

I have been with Jeff for almost three interesting, but wonderful years. We were always free spirits living every day to the fullest. I never thought I could love anyone more than him – and then I had my son and found out just how big your heart can really grow!

Anyhow, this might all come to an end.

When Ryder was born I had the typical overflow of emotions: paranoia, over-protectiveness and uncertainty of how to be a parent. I stumbled and read through every book and online site I could find. Jeff played a lot of it by ear or listened to me or his mother (his mother more than me which led to some pretty ugly arguments).

Then 3 months later I had to go back to work. I did not want to return, I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom, but for insurance and monetary needs I went back. Things were and began to get really hard for me – I missed so much during the week that I almost forgot how to be a mom on the weekend. Jeff got to be with Ry for a few hours every day (owns own business, office at home) until the babysitter (his mother) could watch Ry at her house (which she refuses to childproof. And have I mentioned his mom prefers the ex wife to me and up until a few months ago had pictures of the ex all over the place and not one of me anywhere!?). I would struggle to figure things out and by the time I had being a mom nailed – it was Monday and back off to work. Jeff never and still cant see why it upsets me at family dinners when his mom and all of her friends take credit for every single thing my son has apparently learned from them – even when I know some things he did with me first!

Around Valentines Day I began really wanting to get engaged – not even married, just engaged. Almost every woman and a few men have gotten married/were getting married in my office. I was watching people not even in love getting married, people who weren’t sure if it was right but they were trying it out anyhow. I figured if all of these people didn’t love each other as much as Jeff and I did nor had they been together as long…why not us? I was getting major depressed over this (prego, but didn’t know, and the hormones were doing me in). When I found out Jeff’s brother got engaged to a woman he barely knew and one who tricked him into marriage as it was (by getting pregnant, she later lost the baby) I was beside myself wondering what was wrong with me that we werent getting engaged…

A month after that I got impatient and asked Jeff about marriage. Even though we had talked about it in the past, even though he called me his wife to people, he said he might never remarry (I’d NEVER heard this before).

3 weeks later I miscarried at 8 weeks.

Now I am pregnant again.

If anyone can honestly look at the last 10 months I have been on one long f*cking HorMonE rollercoaster. Jeff says that he is not sure if he wants to continue because he’s tired of my mood swings and how different Ive become (personally I think you have to change a bit when you become a parent – as much as I’d love to be fancy-free, I have a child that I need to and want to spend time with when I can. For example Jeff cant understand why I get jealous when he goes to the gym or out to lunch or shopping or out biking or baseball games or taking photographs with his new camera... during the week and im stuck at work and cant get the time even on Saturdays to have my oil changed so I wait 5 weeks when I get fed up enough with the situation that I explode). Okay, Okay he doesnt exactly do this a lot, but enough that im jealous and it pisses me off that I seem like a bad mother by needing to run errands on Saturday or Sunday. A lot of my actions have been reactions to him, his single-esqueness style of life and how he has made me feel, but that is beside the point for now. By the way, I am at work from basically 8am till 6pm. He’s home almost all day. Why am I still the one to do the dishes or bottles?!?!

How can he not get or understand what I have been through? It’s not like for the last year I have woken up every day going “Hmm. Let’s see how much I can screw with Jeff today.”

I need to make him understand that these moods have not been a picnic to me either – I hate myself at times for my moods, reactions, feelings. I don’t understand them, I just know they will be over when my hormones settle back down…in about another year. LOL.

How can I tell him that it’s not truly me? Do you have any stories? Any anecdotes?

Anything I can tell him to maybe make him understand before we let this go too far and break up?

October 11 - week 27
Before the great and wonderful host’s server decided to have fun with our pages I had a few wonderfully witty entries. But after the early October snafu I have been leery of writing more. It's a bit disheartening to see all the happy words I wrote about my little girl suddenly lost to the system. However, all the bitter things I wrote are gone too, so there might be a silver lining to what happened.

Update: I wore the dress I wrote about - ehhhh see! You have no clue what im talking about! LOL. About 2 weeks ago I was forced to acknowledge my quazi-brother-in-law's wedding to a manipulative, young (age has no bearing, as she is as immature as the day we left high school), self-serving woman. I think at the heart of it all is that, yes, I do not like her, but I see Jeff's brother stuck in a situation he is miserable in and can not get out of (and I think this indirectly affects why Jeff and I are not married). Long story short: She was one of his girlfriends, got pregnant, he proposed thinking it was the right thing to do (Jeff and I prove that you don’t even have to propose when this happens), she lost the baby, he couldn’t back out of the wedding and figured since he was almost 30 he may-as-well do it anyhow.

....In the last few months she forced him to buy a new house, decorate it how she saw fit, and in all of this, refuses to get a job. It was amusing during the toast when her sorority-esque Maid of Honor gushed about how the Bride doesn’t get out of bed until noon. And I loved the part about how the Bride would do anything to help a person out - sure, except baby-sit when there is an important client meeting and daycare is closed, help an elderly friend of the family move, show up at family birthdays or holidays...

So I wore the dress and got so many wonderful comments that I didn’t feel like a heffer (130-170! with 3 months left). I went to Macy's because I refused to spend money on a dowdy maternity dress to wear to the wedding. I wanted to look good after all. There were so many beautiful dresses that I almost started crying over what I used to be able to wear, crying over the loss of my waist, crying over the fact that I couldn’t see my butt anymore when I turned, but I could feel its mass pulling against the fabric of the dresses. A few dresses were cute - on the hanger. Then I saw it, in all of its expensive glory. I grabbed a size 8 at first. Wishful thinking. I used to be a size 0-2 so I didn’t think that was too far of a leap. A few minutes later I went back for a 10; then a 12. The 12 was manageable- if I had someone help me zip it up as I both sucked it in (chest), and pushed it out (stomach). It was Victorian-esque Romantic gray and black creation with black bead lace bands along the hem, under the bodice and as straps. I loved it too much not to buy it. So thus, i looked fabulous at the sham of a wedding.

The Wedding: I have had 5-hour long root canals with the Novocain wearing off that were more enjoyable.

(more to follow)

November 09 - Week 31 All is well, im just a tired, lazy-butt who cant form more than a few sentences a day. Today ive exhausted all vocabulary. I'll try again tomorrow.

11 December - Week 36

Almost there! I feel like the Little Engine That [Wanted to Reach the Gosh-Darned Station!] I love parts of being pregnant. I remember after my son was born i missed feeling him move inside me. It is a surreal experience. Knowing that Jeff and I only want the two kids (never say never, but we only plan on these two!...not like they were fully planned...) makes me sad that i will never feel this feeling again. The flutters, jabs, rolls; the heals dancing , fists punching and the butt hiccuping. You take it for granted at times.

I am slightly scared to go through it again. The sleepless nights, constant changings, feeling helpless at times and questioning everything i do as a parent. At least i have a basic handle on the whats and hows of childrearing. But it scares me having 2 under the age of 2...heck, 2 under the age of 18! But i am ready to have her out and into the world. Inside i can protect her, but selfishly i want my body back. I feel like i sub-let the place out and she's a college student who is going to leave it trashed. I'll have to hire maids (go to the spa, hair dresser), hire repairmen (go to the gym), fix the plumbing (wait 6 weeks for sex)...

Baby Girl Skylar Frances Born!!

Monday, 14 January.

7lb12oz 20in

Labor was quickish and god bless the epidural!!