8.07.08

*Jaiyla Mariah Durfee arrived @ 1:07 8.06.05*

well it was tuesday AUG 5 2008 remind you thats my birthday it was around 3 o clock p.m. i started having some pains in my lower pelvic area so i called my doctor they said o its jus constipation tale some medicine and youll be fine! well the pain never stopped it jus got worse then i started spotting i kalled back they said well u kan come in the morning at 8:30 if the pains get worse go to the e.r. well around 5:00 i started bleeding alot alot more so i went to the e.r. at 6:00 they told me i was having contractions and did a pelvic exam and said they could see the amiotic sack but couldnt see or feel my baby!!! so they took me labor and delviery around 7:00 ... the hook me up to all these machines and monitor my contractions let me remind u they gave me nothing to stop them to stop my bleeding NOTHING!!!!! so the contractions got worse they came every 3 minutes they tryed putting me upside down but didnt work.. a lady came in to do a sono of my baby and we saw here kicking her feet sucking her thumb and waving to us it was so cute the most amzing thing her heart rate was good it was 148... so i mean there was nothing wrong with here and the doctors kept telling me well if shes gonna come shes gonna come but then one would tell me well we kan give u medicine to stop the contractions but nobody was doing anything!!! so finnally at 1:07 she came out she weighed 10 grams and 0.4 ounces i have pictures but i really dont want to post them if u want to see jus let me kno and i will email them to you!!! but she had everything she wasnt disforrmed or anything she had 10 toes 10 fingers eyebrows eylashes finger nails everyhting she was eautiful she looked jus like me =]!!! but i mean it hurts so bad u htink u kan go to the hospital to get help and they do nothing and wat hurts even more its like they killed her because when she came out she took 2 deep breathes and that was it!!! she fine and my boyfriend begged them to help her but they couldnt becauuse she was to small to put a tube down but i mean she was breathing on her own for a second if they woudld have done that my baby would still b here fighting for her life!!! its the worst feeling ever when u think everythings good and everything comes crashing right back down well ladies that was story of the birth of my beautful baby girl i wish u all the best of luck with your pregnancy and baby dust to all trying to concieve!!!!

i have to say thank you to my good friends on and i hope you guys have happy healthy babies something we all wish for!!

Pinkitty

08_conception-giovanna

Lupita- lupi =]

you guys have been the best i couldnt thank you enough!!!

8.9.08

so its been 3 days without my baby i think im going insane i cant figure out to cry or to jus be strong its jus so hard the mixed feeling i have... im still kinda in denial that my baby is gone!!! when i go in the store im used to going looking at the baby section and now its like i dont wanna look at another baby thing for the rest of my life!!! nobody feels wat i feel because she was inside of me i was the one so attached and its like with a snap of my fingers shes gone... and wat hurts me the most is she was perfectly healthy baby...i hate looking at myself in the mirror seeing my self back skinny is so horrible im used to seeeing a baby bump there but when i look at my self i see nothing and it hurts but i just have to be postitve about the whole thing for everybody else but when ur alone reality really sets in!!!!i jus hope one day i kan understand why all these things happen...

8.12.08

Well today was kinda a ruff day i was jus on the site reading some things and i saw how someone got there cergloage at 19 weeks well when i was in the hospital they told me they were gonna give me that but u kno they didnt!!! so it makes me feel even worse i guess it was jus ment for my baby to go heaven...so it got me really upset i cryed for about 2 hours str8 not understanding why these happened to me??!! but ive gotten some good words of wisdom from all of you guys on here and i thank you all soooo much... belive it or not i take it in and live from it!!! i guess u kan say im gettin a lil better about the situation but is the worst thing ever i wouldnt wish it upon nobody not even my worst enemy!!!

everybody keeps asking me if going to try again of course i am going to try again but i am going to first give my body time to heal atleast 6 months and then after that check with a doctor to see wat i should do from there to be honest im really terrifyed!!! i dont want this to happen again even thought in my heart i kno wat caused it STRESS becasue i was very stressed being my babby daddy didnt want to b with me for a moment it drove me nuts!!!and if i could give anybody advise i would say try your hardest not to stress!!!! but you know im trying my best to be postive for now and pull my self together be strong for my angel and my hubby because he is going through alot rite now also!!! thanks ladies so much i couldnt thank all of u enough for being with me through these hard times!!!!