1-9-07

I finally figured it out!! Yeah!! So I am almost 20 weeks pregnant with my 3d child, 4th pregnancy and so far so good.

Let's start with some history. I have been married for almost 6 years to Teth. We got married in a little shot gun wedding when I was 18 and he was 19. Nine months later, the best oops ever happened and nine months later we had Jaxon Riley (4.5). That was a changing point for me and the best thing that ever happened. I have no idea where I would be if it wasn't for him. I decided to go to nursing school and started when he was 4 months old. I am a LPN now and working on my RN but that's later in the story. So we got pregnant on purpose again after I got out of school and had Conner Wade (would be 2). We had some problems with our marriage while I was pregnant and it didn't look like we were going to make it but our love is strong and our prayers are stronger and we made it. Sadly, our world fell apart when Conner passed away at 2 1/2 months. We were and still are devastated. All I can think about is what I did wrong and how I wasn't there enough and everything else you can think of. My family says I am crazy but I feel so guilty. I was trying to put my marriage back together and for desperate financial reasons I went back to work right away. I just feel like I did everything wrong but I know that everything happens for a reason and we serve a merciful God and he saved us all from more pain in the future. We will always remember, love and miss our little bear. Jaxon was only 2 when it happened and it was hard on him but we make Conner a part of our everyday life and hopefully when he is older his memories will still be fresh.

We decided we wanted another one after a M/C in November 2006 and started trying the beginning of the summer with no luck which was a surprise. Then we decided to wait because I got a letter of acceptance to the LPN-RN program I had applied to. So I started that class the end of August and got a BFP the end of September. We thought we were being very careful but there was this one day and as you all know it does only take once!! It's kinda cool though because I know exactly what day we made our newest prize! We are so happy. I am now in the 2nd semester of the very craxy and fast 3 semester program, work 40 hours a week as the school nurse and I'm 19+5 weeks pregnant!! I guess God's plan was the best one for me (as always) because it is all working out wonderful!!

If I could give any of you moms a bit of advice, it would be to take every moment and let it soak it. Don't take anything for granted. Having a child is the best blessing ever and like everything else, it's not promised. I have so many regrets but I look forward to the rest of this pregnancy and my new baby because for me it's going to be a time of bonding and healing. I am going to be off all summer and I'm never leaving my family's side. Even the "bad" parts are not really bad. I have been kind of sick this time but I didn't care. I would just smile and know that everything was going good as I was hugging the toilet. Congrat's to all and I should be posting more now that I now how!!!