My Story:

Tuesday, 26 Feb

I guess it's back to square one for me. Friday night I was having some cramping and thought it was just something I ate or I might have been constipated. I didn't have any bleeding at the time so I wasn't too worried. I didn't get good sleep that night and in the morning the cramps felt worse. I was on my way to my grandmother's house when I told my dad to pull over so I could pee. When I did go, that's when the blood came. We were only about 20 minutes away from my hospital so we turned back around and went to the ER. They sent me to Labor and Delivery. Once I was there they figured ou the the cramps I was having was contractions and my body was going into premature labor. They started me on magnesium sulfate (a muscle relaxer) to stop the contractions. They called my doctor and midwife in, and at that point they decided it was best to send me to a hospital with a high risk pregnancy ward. So that was about a 30 minute trip to Chattanooga, TN in an ambulance. Once I got there they kept me on the magnesium sulfate until Saturday night when the doctor decided it was best to see if the contractions started up again once I was taken off of it. They stayed gone long enough to let me sleep that night, then Sunday morning they started up again. My blood work came back with my white blood cells almost double what the normal person's limit should be, so they immediately thought I had an infection. All of my other blood work was normal, so they had to do an amniocentisis to check the amniotic fluid. Those test results came back and they showed that I in fact did have an infection inside, and the baby was sick. Since I was only 22 weeks and 5 days, the baby's lungs were not yet mature enough to keep him alive on his own. They decided the best thing to do was to go ahead and put me into labor and deliver. Brent Nathaniel Walden was born on Sunday, Februrary 24th at 1:50pm with no signs of life. They brought him into our room after they took him to be cleaned. My husband and I spent about 20 minutes with him before letting my parents and his parents in to say goodbye to their first grandchild. They let me go at about 6:30pm on Sunday night. My heart is broken in a million pieces... I miss my little boy everyday and there's not a minute that goes by that I don't think about him. This was my first baby, and my first time even being pregnant. I know we will have other babies, but I can't get over the pain I am feeling at this time. I know they did the right thing by saving me from the infection, but I still wish I could magically change it all. I would give anything to wake up and feel my little guy moving in my belly again. I miss him so much... I'll never be the same again. I hope this never happens to anyone else. I hope you all go on to have perfect little ones. Unfortunately, for me it'll take a little longer to get there...

----------NEW START: June 18th, 2008----------

* - Indicates days that we've BD-ed

Wednesday, June 18th - CD 1

Back to square one. At least AF came only 2 days late and didn't keep me excited for too long. Still bummed, but like all things: when one things comes to and end another is just beginning. So here's to a month of baby dancing and baby dust to all! Congrats to all the BFPs in May. I think we're up to 12 so far for June. I wish I could've been # 13, but hopefully I'll be in the July club. :o)

Friday, June 20th - CD 3

I'll be so happy when AF goes away... But at least a new cycle means a new opportunity. At least I know I can conceive. I was actually worried about that when I was younger. I don't know why, I always questioned whether or not I could, I just felt way down deep that I wouldn't be able to. Wierd right? Maybe because there was so many times when I thought that I should have been pregnant (even though I wasn't ready for it). Before Bobby and I got married I was on BC, but that was it. My mom conceived my brother and me while on BC, so I figured maybe something was wrong with me. I guess the BC just worked correctly for me, lol... I'm having a hard time getting motivated this morning, I should be getting ready for work right now. Ha, I'm sitting here nursing a cup of coffee. I haven't had any since my last period!! I almost forgot how wonderful it is... Mmmm.

Tuesday, June 24th - CD 7

Today was the day Brent was due... I miss him kicking around in my belly so much. I should be at the hospital giving birth, not on my period. Working today sucked, but at least it kept my mind off of it. I'm home now, the hubby won't be home for another couple of hours. I told my parents I'd come over for dinner tonight. My mom called to check on me during her lunch break today. She knew it would be a rough day for me, I'm sure it's a rough day for her too. Brent would've been her first grandchild, and she was so excited. I'm just sorry that my body couldn't keep him healthy... I know a lot of people were disappointed, I'm disappointed in myself. I know there's nothing I could've done to change it, but it doesn't really change how I feel, ya know? At least AF is packin up and heading out so we can start BD-ing again soon. Thanks everyone for you're kind words on the forum today. It really means a lot to me. :o)

Saturday, June 28th - CD 11*

Yay! AF finally left on Wednesday. According to the calendar my big O will happen around July 1st, so I'm super excited. We'll most likely be BD-ing everyday for the next week and a half, lol. Poor DH, I'm gonna wear him out... I'm sure he doesn't mind though. :o) I feel pretty good about this month, and I think having a March baby will be great! We're both in retail so it'll be in between holiday season and back-to-school.

Monday, June 30th - CD 13

Ok... we're gonna be hittin it hard (no pun intended) for the next couple of days. Wish us luck!

Wednesday, June 2nd - CD 15*

Hubby came home late from work, he was pretty tired but... my powers of persuasion worked. :o) Lol. He was really tired after the BD-ing!