My Story:

Tuesday, February 26th, 2008

I guess it's back to square one for me. Friday night I was having some cramping and thought it was just something I ate or I might have been constipated. I didn't have any bleeding at the time so I wasn't too worried. I didn't get good sleep that night and in the morning the cramps felt worse. I was on my way to my grandmother's house when I told my dad to pull over so I could pee. When I did go, that's when the blood came. We were only about 20 minutes away from my hospital so we turned back around and went to the ER. They sent me to Labor and Delivery. Once I was there they figured ou the the cramps I was having was contractions and my body was going into premature labor. They started me on magnesium sulfate (a muscle relaxer) to stop the contractions. They called my doctor and midwife in, and at that point they decided it was best to send me to a hospital with a high risk pregnancy ward. So that was about a 30 minute trip to Chattanooga, TN in an ambulance. Once I got there they kept me on the magnesium sulfate until Saturday night when the doctor decided it was best to see if the contractions started up again once I was taken off of it. They stayed gone long enough to let me sleep that night, then Sunday morning they started up again. My blood work came back with my white blood cells almost double what the normal person's limit should be, so they immediately thought I had an infection. All of my other blood work was normal, so they had to do an amniocentisis to check the amniotic fluid. Those test results came back and they showed that I in fact did have an infection inside, and the baby was sick. Since I was only 22 weeks and 5 days, the baby's lungs were not yet mature enough to keep him alive on his own. They decided the best thing to do was to go ahead and put me into labor and deliver. Brent Nathaniel Walden was born on Sunday, Februrary 24th at 1:50pm with no signs of life. They brought him into our room after they took him to be cleaned. My husband and I spent about 20 minutes with him before letting my parents and his parents in to say goodbye to their first grandchild. They let me go at about 6:30pm on Sunday night. My heart is broken in a million pieces... I miss my little boy everyday and there's not a minute that goes by that I don't think about him. This was my first baby, and my first time even being pregnant. I know we will have other babies, but I can't get over the pain I am feeling at this time. I know they did the right thing by saving me from the infection, but I still wish I could magically change it all. I would give anything to wake up and feel my little guy moving in my belly again. I miss him so much... I'll never be the same again. I hope this never happens to anyone else. I hope you all go on to have perfect little ones. Unfortunately, for me it'll take a little longer to get there...

Sunday, August 24th, 2003

Bobby and I got our BFP on Tuesday, August 19th, 2008. I also got BFPs on August 20th, 23rd and 24th. Can you tell I'm a little paranoid? Lol. I really hope this little one makes it. We are incredibly excited and can't wait to start the journey. Please wish us the best of luck!

*********Month 1 & Month 2*********

Sunday, August 24th - 4 weeks & 5 days

I took yet ANOTHER test this morning, this time it was a digital. It popped up with 'pregnant' within about 15 seconds, so I am very, very excited right about now. I can't wait to get the confirmation from the doctor's office. I'm sure everything is fine, but it'll still put my mind at ease. I can't wait to get started with my doctors visits and ultrasounds. I want to see my little one floating around as soon as possible! It'll become more real. I don't really 'feel' pregnant, but I remember last time I didn't really feel pregnant until about 12-15 weeks. I am pretty scared with everything that happened last time. Luckily I have the most wonderful husband in the world who convinced me that we have excellent doctors and we will be well taken care of, and my body and our baby deserves for me to believe that it'll get the job done this time. So, I am choosing to leave the past in the past and be just as excited to meet this little one as I was in our last pregnancy.

Monday, August 25th - 4 weeks & 6 days

I am off today. I can't remember the last time I was off on a monday. I have so much to do. I'm going to talk to my dad's dentist today about a job opening in her practice for the front office/reception area. A nice litle desk job that has my name written all over it. Apparently the girl she has back there now is a joke. She'll call someone to remind them of their appointment and doesn't say what day or where she's calling from... And when your call to a patient sounds like - 'Hey girl, you're whitening tray is here. Click.' , that's a problem. It sounds like she just needs someone with a more professional demeanor, and I hope I'm what she's looking for. Anyway, she said to drop by anytime on Monday, so I just got out of the shower and decided to take a minute and let me hair dry. I also have to run by the bank, do a bunch of laundry and wrap and ship my sister-in-law's baby shower gifts to Bobby's aunt in Tennessee. We couldn't make it, I have to work this Saturday. :o( I'm actually glad my day is busy... then tomorrow will be here in no time and I can call the doctor's office and get my results, yay!! I'm so excited!! By the way Briana, I know you're reading this... we plan on waiting til 10 weeks to make it public. So in 4 weeks you can write your much anticipated blog about yours truly. :o) Thank you, you have been such a great friend to me during all of this. I'll never forget it. :::Hugs:::

Tuesday, August 26th - 5 weeks

Wish me luck today girls! I get my results from the doc today. I'll probably call on my mi-morning break and find out! I'll post the results when I get home. Also, congrats to proudmommyof2 on her BFP!!

***Briana: Bobby and I talked about the whole waiting to tell people and decided as long as my results were good and my doc appointment tomorrow went well then we don't see a reason to wait. So I'll let you know tomorrow! My parents are having a cookout this weekend for labor day and I can't bear the thought of having all my relatives around and not being able to share the happy news, lol.***

RESULTS:

Wednesdays numbers: 94

Fridays numbers: 283

I'M OFFICIALLY PREGNANT!!!

They decided to reschedule my appointment until next week Wednesday. She said there was no reason to come in so soon if my numbers looked good... and they are! She said I was right on track. I am so happy. I've been beaming from ear to ear since I got of the phone. Lol. I absolutely can not wait until this Sunday's cookout when I can tell everyone!

Friday, August 29th - 5 weeks & 3 days

I figured I'd update a little since it's been 3 days. My symptoms so far are bloated, large boobs, forgetful and nauseous when eother I don't eat or if I get to the point where it's too much. Today my boobs started hurting while i was at work. They feel a little better now though. Gotta love those hormone, lol. I'm getting really amped for my appointment on Wednesday! My OB is on vacation but I'm seeing the midwife I saw during my first pregnancy, who I love! Though I will probably stick to the OB this time around. He has a little more authority in certain situations. I'm also getting excited about the cookout at my parent's house on Sunday. I know everyone is going to be so excited, so it should be tons of fun! I can't wait...

Saturday, August 30th - 5 weeks & 4 days

Well last night I noticed a little spotting. I decided to go lay down and watch a movie and put my feet up. The last time I checked last night the spotting stopped. Then this morning I went to the bathroom and the spotting was back. I tried not to freak out, but I called my mom and asked what I should do. We agreed that since it wasn't flowing or bright red and there was no cramping then I should just take it easy and there was no need to get stressed out about it. I had to work tonight, thankfully it wasn't busy at all so I got to chill out on my stool all night. I swear I went to the bathroom like 10 times during my 8 hour shift. It seems to have slacked off. In fact the last time I went there was barely anything, so I'm sure if something bad were going to happen I would be in a lot more pain and bleeding heavy. I just hope it was a blood vessel gone awry. I'm going to take it easy tomorrow and Monday since I don't have to work. I think it is a good sign that I had some morning sickness today. I made two pieces of toast and some orange juice. The orange juice was a BAD idea! I couldn't even eat my other piece of toast. I almost got sick, but I drank some water and walked round a little. That seemed to help. I hope tomorrow is a better day with NO spotting. Maybe I should meditate and tell my body that it needs to do what it's told, lol. I'll let you know how tomorrow goes...

Sunday, August 31st - 5 weeks & 5 days

The cookout was fun. We had hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, beans and coleslaw. And cake, my dad and grandpa's mom had birthdays in August, so we had a cake for them. The kids ran wild, the food was awesome, all and all and pretty good day.

As for the spotting, it did come back. It got a little more red about the time everyone was leaving. I was pretty much in freak out mode... Mom had to calm me down. she told me that if I was miscarrying that I would be bleeding a lot more than what I actually was. Probably too much info for some people, but come on... this IS my pregnancy blog. It's pretty much only there when I wipe. Anyway, it seems to always slack off at night. The anxiety level is pretty high, but I am trying my best to keep calm. I just will be so glad when I can go to the doctor on Wednesday.

I just want to go in and see our little one still in there and then I will be ok. I know that sometimes spotting happens for no reason, but it still doesn't help the nerves. I guess as long as it doesn't get heavy then I won't freak out too much.

Tomorrow we are going to Bobby's best friend's house to watch the Tennessee vs. UCLA game. It should be interesting. I hoping this new quarterback will deliver. They said he was looking pretty ready in preseason. Let's hope it tranfers over into the games that count. I really want to beat those Dawgs again this year!! Yay for SEC collage football!! By the way, Hawaii got spanked, but I still love em...

Monday, September 1st - 5 weeks & 6 days

Update on the spotting: I woke up this morning ready to think the worst. Went to the bathroom to pee and check myself. To my surprise there was only a little bit of light pink, so I was pretty relieved. As the day progressed it's gotten lighter and lighter, and the last two times I went to the bathroom there was no blood! Not even a little spot! I really hope it stays gone. I don't know if my nerves could take another episode like that. I'm definately going to talk to my doctor about it. I am definately concerned if there could be an infection of some sort, or a weak cervix. I plan on doing everything possible to make sure this baby stays in there for a REALLY, REALLY long time! Anyway, I've got to run through the shower so we can go over and watch the game tonight. It would be horrible if I smelled like i should be playing football instead of watching it, lol. Thank you all for being concerned, I sure do appreciate you ladies. :o)

Wednesday, September 3rd - 6 weeks & 1 day

Our appointment went really, really well today! We had to wait for what seemed like forever to get the room with the good ultrasound. I didn't mind though, I was so excited to see our little one. Bobby was getting pretty anxious though. We got a test this morning from his brother that his wife was going into labor at Kennestone Hosptial in Marietta. We finally got into the room and started talking to my midwife. (The same midwife I used before, I love her...) She walked in and gave me a big hug and said that she was SOOO happy when she saw my name on her patient list today. She congratulated us of course, and then it was down to business.

I told her about the spotting over the weekend. She said it could be that when the ovaries stop producing progesterone and they let the placenta take over (around the 6 week mark), if there's even a little gap then it can cause some spotting. She also checked for any infections (which is what I was worried about, because I know that causes spotting too). We went ahead and did the ultrasound and saw our little one in there and the heartbeat too! I was so relieved as soon as I saw it... I just wanted to make sure that my little bean was still in there and alive. She gave us a couple of pictures as you can see below, and said: Congratulations, you're having a dot!

It's pretty tiny, but right on spot for 6 weeks. We tried to listen to the heartbeat but she said it was too small to pick it up right now, but we should be able to in 2 weeks when I go back. After that I got dressed and she came back in and said that I did have a very small infection, and explained that when your hormones are going crazy, like they do when you're pregnant, it's throws off the balance in there and makes it a more suitable enironment for infections to occur. So she gave me my medicine that I'll take and it should be cleared up in no time. I think she could tell that I was kinda worried, and she told me that everything would be fine and they would check it out every single time I came in. I had to take blood and then get a referral to the perinatologist (fancy for high risk doctor).

I think they took like 5 or 6 viles of blood then we talked to the referral coordinator. She set us up with an appointment at Northside Hospital to talk about getting a cerclage done (stitch in the cervix to keep it closed). Then I have another regular appointment the next day. So all in all I was very happy with the way it went and I am so relieved that my little bean is growing away! After we left there we booked it down to Marietta to meet my brother and sister-in-law.

She had a healthy baby girl, 5lbs and 14oz. She looks just like Kirk and is so beautiful. I think Candace is staying with her mom for about a week while Kirk and Bobby's dad get the nursery painted. (She wasn't due until the 21st, so she came early). After she gets settled back in at home then we're going to go and see them and love on little Ralyn (pronounced Ray-lynn). I'm not sure if that's the correct spelling of her name, I'll find out though.

Then of course I had to go to work. I finally made it at about 5 past 5pm, I was supposed to be there at 2pm, but I called and told them I was going to be and aunt and Aunt Liz was gonna be late, lol. I'm finally home, in my pajamas getting ready to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and go to bed. I am SOOOO tired. It was a long day.