"Don't let the sadness of your past and the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present."

"You don't marry someone you can live with - you marry the person who you cannot live without."

"If you have to let go, let go, and if it doesn't come back, it wasn't meant to be."

"I wanna be the girl that changed everything, the girl that made a difference, the girl that gave him a story to tell."

"Sometimes things have to fall apart, for others to fall in to place."

"This ain't no etch-a-sketch, this is one doodle that can't be undid." - Juno

Friday, June20, 2008

Wow! So much has changed and gone on in my life since I've last been on here. Ya know, it almost makes me kinda mad reading my last posts though cause right after writing all those positive hopeful things, I found out a lot of crap that my boyfriend had done. Anyway, I'm not going to go into that though cause that is of the past and I really want to focus even more on moving forward in life and being happy.

Actually though, yesterday in fact, my boyfriend just left fo join the army. I'm so so sad. He will be gone for five months for training. I know, that's like forever long. And I miss him so much. But he promised me he will be back for me. I know it. This is just what needed to be done right now. And hopefully our future will be happier and better together because of it.

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Friday, May 16, 2008

I'm goin to the beach today. Hurray!!! It's beginning to get so nice out and I'm so excited. The sun makes me happy!! Yay!

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Thursday, May 15, 2008

I have come to believe you just have to live your life, and live it the way you want, the way you dream. Don't let others stand in your way. Don't let others tell you what to do or how to live. It's your life, and you only have one. So live it up! That's what I have come to decide in my life. I'm so tired of living to please others. I'm so tired of living to be everybody elses girl; maybe, one day I'll be my own.

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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I truly believe we were meant to be together. Sometimes you just gotta work through the rain to get to the rainbow. I have decided to move on and make the best of what we have. Yeah, I have been hurt in the past, but there's nothing I can do about that but forgive, forget, let go, move on, and trust to not be hurt again. It is definitely one of the hardest things to do, but everything is a lesson. Everybody makes mistakes. I just want to move on in life now. I want to be happy and stop holding the past against Mikey.

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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I'm ready for a new life, a new beginning, a new story, a new journey, and a new ending. I'm so tired of dealing with the past. I just want to let it all go and start over. I'm hating the present, and looking on forward towards the future. There's so much in store for my relationship with Mikey. I just know it. I'm finally beginning to see through the clouds. The sun is beginning to glimmer once again. I'm so ready for a new adventure. I just want to be able to pack my things, throw my suitcase in the back, hit the road, and never look back. Headin for the highway baby...

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Monday, May 12, 2008

So life is chaotic as normal. Just mad at my family lately. I don't even know what to think really. It's just a bunch of nonsense. I'm learning to let go and value things more. My boyfriend is trying his best, I know it. I just don't give him enough credit at times. Personally, I just get way too stressed out about things and frustrated. So that doesn't help. Cause then I get mad and he gets upset because I'm upset. Everyone just needs to learn to deal with things I guess. I can't even explain it. I just want to start a new life somewhere. Start out completely clean with my boyfriend. But money is a huge issue. So that just sucks big time. Ugh! When will this whole mess be over and done with....

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Saturday, May 10, 2008

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Friday, May 9, 2008

Sooo my body has been acting a little weird. Which is why I still question if I'm pregnant. I mean over this last month I was way more moody, tired, exhausted, boobs sensitive, sex more sensitive... which is why I wonder. Then my period finally came after 35 days, which is odd as well. And it's not even normal. My period started yesterday and was way heavier than normal, but all of the sudden today it's like basically almost done with. So that's kinda strange. I don't really know what to think. I will probably take one more pregnancy test next week to see for sure.... hmm...

As far as my relationship goes... I have no idea. It's shitty. We argue every day. And every day I have hopes that it'll be better. It sucks big time! And it's so hard cause my boyfriend really doesn't have much without me here. And I care way too much to kick him to the curb. Ya know? It's such a difficult situation!

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Thursday, May 8, 2008

Well, I'm not really sure how things are going now. And I'm not sure where I want things to go either. The last few weeks my boyfriend and I have been having a lot of troubles with our relationship - a lot of ups and downs. It's been really really tough and has made me question things a ton. I don't even know what's gonna happen between us. He claims to love me more than anything, but his actions don't always measure up. Ya know? Part of me has lost hope in "us" and the other part of me is still holding on hoping for the best. It's really tough. And then the other part of me gets scared, questioning what if I really am pregnant? What will I do? How could I do it alone? I don't really know what to think anymore. So I guess I'm just toughing it out to see...

Anyways... I've taken four pregnancy tests over the last two weeks or so and they have all been negative. It's been 35 days today and I finally just started my period. Is there any way I could still be pregnant? I hear some people can bleed when they're pregnant. So I don't know....

A part of me is relieved in way. I don't have anything to stress about or worry over. But then the other part of me still wants a child. I'm so so confused right now. I kinda feel that if I have a child now that I'd be giving my life away. Not saying that's true of everyone, but that's how I feel of myself. I have dreams and goals I'd love to achieve. But then again, I don't know really what I want anymore or who I am.

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Saturday April 19, 2008

Sooo I finally got my page all updated and going for the most part. That's really exciting!! This site is really neat so far. I'm hoping to make lots of new support friends on here to share the journey with!

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Friday April 18, 2008

Well, I'm not really sure yet what all is going on with me. I have about another week or so before I can take a pregnancy test. So basically I'm just waiting to see what happens.... I'm scared and excited and worried all at the same time. I really don't know how to feel right now. But I guess sometimes you just gotta take life by the hand and just take a leap of faith. Ya know?