. Update in Journal

Layout Update : 05/03/08

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. Member since November 2007
. Born November 20 / 1987
. Mother to 1
. Engaged to be wedd - ?/?/2010

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I'm 20 years old and have always wanted to be a mother and a wife. We found out we were expecting when I was 19 and he was 21. We're a young family, but Keith and I look at it as more years for us to enjoy together. We would love to have a large family, after having our son Keegan James, we've finally realized what we want most, and thats a happy family. As much as I love the mommy life I plan on going back to school to persue a career. With that and the wedding being planned for the next 2 years and us wanting a 2-3 year age gap between our children we'll have to do some serious planning, but I'm excited for the journey.

My finacee and I meet in the year 2004 and been together since 10/02/05 . From the beginning there were many conversations regarding marriage and children. There were ups and downs but I believe you truly need to get through the bad to get to the good. No matter what happened he was always faithful and thats something I'm greatful for.

06/16/07 we found out we were expecting, to say different emotions flooded our minds is an understatement, bringing a life into the world is in my opinion the most important decision you can make, but we processed it and we were ready to start a new life as a family and soon to be parents. We announced this at his fathers 50th birthday party. We are currently planning our wedding, some couples get married simply due to the pregnancy but we know in some cases that doesn't work and we wanted to marry out of love as if we weren't expecting. We're so excited to have a day where people we love are gathered supporting us, everyone who's ever meant anything to us will be there. Shortly there after we should receive our second child. We can't wait to complete our family, become grandparents, then to move away and grow old together.

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Mother to Son.

You are my life, the reason the blood flows from my heart.
Mommy remembers when you were in the womb;
safe, warm and happy.
The hours she spent just stroking what she thought
was the heel of your foot to the finger tips on your little hands.
Eyes closed imaging how sweet your face would be,
how deep were the dimples, how piercing were your eyes.
Creating all different personalities you could inheriate.
Then that day came, mommy walked hand in hand with daddy,
to the room you would first bless.
Everything so quiet and dim,
picturing all the life and energy that would flood the room shortly.
Hours passed and you were so close to your first strong cry.

Every minute was worth it, at the end; the only minute that every truly mattered was the minute I was holding you.

- Your Mommy

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The Orchid is not only my favorite flower but my son and I share it under our zodiac signs.
His other zodiac flowers are; Arum Lily, Bird of Paradise, Protea & Tulip

Born one day late, our son finally arrived. He's amazing, just gorgeous and our definition of perfect. Healthy and happy, what more could you ask for? Such a blessing. Where ever we take him he's flooded with compliments and wedding proposals, it's too sweet. He loves to be held my mommy and lounge on daddy while he sleeps. He's full of conversations and more than enough precious gummy smiles, we're waiting on the giggles. I love spending my days with him, watching him grow and do new things. You think you'll know how much you'll love them as your stroking your belly but it multiples when their first placed on your chest. The best part is the love only gets stronger. We love him to death, just anouther piece to my heart I didnt know was missing.

Some people think he looks just like his father, some think he looks just like me but majority think he looks like both of us but either way just gorgeous. Day after day he resembles me more and more. I had such a different image of him in my mind. But I was just stunned when I actually saw his face so sweet and precious at the time looking so much like his father.

He is a gorgeous mix of Jamaican, Scottish, Norwegian, with a small fraction of Korean and Native American thanks to my father, and German thanks to Keiths. He currently has slate green mixed with light brown eyes, his color came in a little and his hairs getting a tiny bit curly and lighter. We're so excited to bring more children into our family. After losing my older brother at the tender age of 21 just 10 days shy of his 22nd birthday, my goal is to raise my son and other children when they come with the best morals and values to try and avoid anouther pre-mature loss, they will live and enjoy the life my brother truly just started.

Photo taken when he was Two weeks.

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My Journal is my place to express myself whether it be related to Motherhood or day to day events & feelings.

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05/21/08

pregnant ... again?

So I've been M.I.A for awhile now, my lil family and I are moving so I've been really busy with Keegan and packing, I still am pretty busy but I thought I should come on and tell my ladies how the tests went. Let me start of with; this is not putting a smile on my face as much as I thought it would if I found out we were expecting, even just for the pure joy of being blessed again.

So I bought a FIRST RESPONSE (pack of 2) about a week ago and the first one had a very strong first line and super faint second, so I took the second one a day later and there was only one line. So at that point I thought nothing of it because when I took a test to see if I was pregnant with Keegan the second my urine hit the stick it turned to + instantly and they were dark. So yesterday Keith and I were running some errands and we wrer at our local grocery store to pick up somethings and I was picking up things I wasnt normally drawn too, so he said "babe are you sure your not pregnant" he was giggling. But it stuck with me through the line up so I made him take me to Shoppers Drug Mart. where I bought the same 2 pack pregnancy test. I took one last night and there was the strong first line and very faint second line, so I told Keith but he didnt react because he didnt know what to make of it of course neither did I so I called the 24hr health nurse line from the package and spoke with her and she told me there is NO way that their test will show 2 lines if the customer ISNT pregnant so I said thank you and told Keith, he was so freaking happy and excited and was telling Keegan hes going to be a big brother which made me feel even more unhappy because I wasnt pleasded at all and he was. Well I think I was letting myself get the best of me and I was starting to feel sick. I put Keegan to bed and went to bed myself, I kept tossing and turning clearly because I had this weighing heavliy on my mind and because I felt like there was something rotting in my tummy. So I got up about 2 hours later and took the second test and got the same result. This time last year is when we conceived Keegan meaning if we are pregnant again our second is going to be born Jan/Feb and I dont want to take time away from Keegan its killing me I promised myself and him Id be dedicated to him and only him for atleast 2 years now his birthday is going to be so close to his sibilings. Some would say this is a good thing, they will be close in age, but I dont like that I think its unfair.

So I came back from the clinic and the test was +. We're having anouther baby. Because I only had one cycle after Keegan the doctor wasnt sure if it was a cycle at all, so tomorrow I'm calling our family doctor and I'm supposed to have a u/s booked to confirm the duedate. The d-date listed here is a complete estimate going from what is roughly the date of my last cycle in mid April. Of course once the dates known I'll update you all.

This is so surreal.

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