Hi Ladies and thanks for visiting.

I ask myself sometimes, did it really happen to me? If any of you are like me, then this describes you perfectly: You're nearing 30 and up until now, you felt you were happy with your life. You've completed you education and are settled into a growing career. You shop, enjoy the money you make and spoil yourself often. You've had a few long-term relationships, but during single spouts, you've certainly enjoyed the dating scene. Maybe you party with your friends, go out until late hours of the night and think to yourself, life can't get any better than this. I'm young, I'm stable, I'm beautiful and I hope it never changes.

And then, HE comes into your life. You know the one. He's the guy you have been wanting all your entire life; the guy only OTHER people get. He's tall, sexy with gorgeous blue eyes. His party days are behind him; he has a career and enjoys spending all his free time with you. He's funny, romantic, tender and sweet and yes ladies, a tiger in the bedroom. Before you know it, this fabulous piece of work has changed your care-free, self-absorbed life-style into a loving partnership. Everything you wanted changes, and one day, ask yourself how you ever cared about such stupid things, and how all you need in this world to complete you, is the love of a child and the joy of motherhood, and the love of a family you've created. Did it happen to me?

Yes.

My boyfriend and I have made the decision to begin a family, and I could not be happier about it. I hope that through this journey, I can share my joy and my fears, and ask lots of questions to you all. This will be the best time in our lives.

Good luck and best wishes to you all!

Update to the above - I am pregnant! (Updated 9:27am, February 8th, 2008)

My Updates:

January 23, 2008

Well, my boyfriend and I have decided to put baby making on hold until the summer time. We are not going to actively try, but I am also not on birth control either. I have mixed feeling about this decision. I really want to make a baby with him, and part of me doesn't want to wait a single second. But on the other hand, I am terrified! I have so many fears about becoming a mom.

Probably the biggest fear, as selfish as this sounds, is the weight gain. I work so very hard at the gym 5 days a week, combining cardio and weight training. I also kill myself to eat right and maintain a fit body. How will I deal with the gaining of at least 25lbs, and the great possibility of my body never being the same?

Plus, I am also scared of the morning sickness, the labour pain, the worry that comes with motherhood. How do I make the right choices to ensure he/she becomes a good person? How do I shape the person my baby will become? What if I am not a good mom?

I guess these are all natural feelings.... because at the end of it all, I want nothing more. I picture the moment when I find out I am pregnant. I picture telling my boyfriend, and seeing how happy he will be. I want to tell our families, and share this special time with my own mother, who has been waiting a long time for me to have a baby.

Summer time is to far away....

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January 28, 2008

Life is too short, isn't it?

My grandmother was always such a presence in my life. I have many fond memories of her, both growing up, and as an adult. She was born in England, and met my grandfather (a Canadian soldier) during World War II. After my mother was born, and the war was over, they moved to Canada - and thus is began.

Nana always had a way of making me smile. I have so many memories, that they flood my brain all at once. She has an english accent, and is so soft spoken and sweet. When I was little, she and my grandfather would come to visit my family (they lived in Montreal, we lived in Toronto) for a few weeks every summer. I would always be so excited to see them! I'd fly down the stairs when they came through the door, and throw myself into her warm embrace. Nana always smelled so good, and she was so warm. We'd play cards, go on long walks, eat delicuous old english recipes, and I would ask to hear the same stories I had heard a thousand times. I would go to bed at night, knowing that Nana would always be there.

A week ago, Nana suffered a stroke. She went into the hospital for a small infection in her leg, but has since been in there with much more complicated issues. Just days ago, I was informed that she has slipped into a coma, and there is no hope. They have taken her off fluids, put her on morphine to comfort her, but are letting her pass naturally. A "peaceful death", it is called. Although she has lead a long and happy life, knowing that she will no longer be there, it puts so many things into perspective.

As most people my age, I tend to superficially believe that I am invincible, and that time will wait for me. It's not something you mean to believe, it is just sort of engrained. Yet, time did not allow me one more visit with my Nana. But, it did allow me the chance of many visits over the past few years that I did not take. And now, as I sit her, waiting for the phone call to hear that she is passed, I ask myself why I waited. I find myself wishing I could have just one more day, one more hour to listen to those stores, eat those meals and play those cards games. One more second to say "I love you".

Where is the lesson? Time waits for nobody. Life is too short to put off the things you want to too. Thus, my boyfriend and I have decided that the time is now. We want to create life, in memory of those we have lost and know that through them, we all live on. Our baby is waiting to be created.

If we have a girl, we will name her after my Granmother - Jocelyn Alice Elisabeth.

When Nana finally does pass, I picture her looking down at herself, and realizing she is young again, that she can move the way she used to, and that she is no longer in pain. And then, in the distance, she spies my grandfather; handsome and in his soldier's uniform, just as when they first me. He's been waiting for her, and although she doesn't want to say good-bye to all of us, she realizes that we will all meet again. She runs to him, and he sweeps her up in his arms, and tells her "Betty, I've missed you... but we will never be apart again. It's so beautiful here. Don't cry, we'll see them again"...

I love you Nana. I'll be OK.

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January 30, 2008

Well, it's official. My Nana passed yesterday. It is a very difficult time, and honestly, very hard to accept. The funeral is on Friday. I'll be leaving to meet my brother in Ottawa (I am in T.O.) and then we'll all drive to Montreal. I am not quie sure what to say or feel right now, but I guess that is all normal.

But, on the baby making front, I am just really enjoying it so far. It feels good to "baby dance" and not have to worry about preventing pregnancy. Of course, now it's the opposite! I also am enjoying my fantasies about becoming pregnant and how it will be. I fear the not so fun parts, but I can't wait for the pregnancy and the birth, and showing my baby off to my family and friends.

Having a supportive man in my life is also so amazing. He has a hard time keeping it to himself (that we are TTC). We have not been together very long, and I am not sure a lot of people will understand. I personally do not care what anyone thinks, but I also do not care to be judged or listen to people's snooty comments.

Anyways, I am at work now (clearly NOT working). Have good days everyone!

Ciao!

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February 7, 2008

Holy cow! I just got my BFP! I am in complete and utter shock, and disbelief. I was really afraid to test negative, so I put it off for a few days. But, today I finally decided to just crack and take a HPT, mainly so I could get the negative result over with and move on. So, we bought a pack with two in it so I could have another one for next time.

So, we got home and I went to the bathroom and used it. I put the test in my bedroom and shut the door, then paced around in the other room while I waited to be upset due to a BFN. My BF grabbed my hand, and we walked in there together after a few minutes. I picked up the test, and saw two lines... one was a little less clear than the other, but clearly visible. We looked at each other, looked at the test, looked at each other.... then I was like "Holt f--k! That's a positive". Then, Aaron was like "Are you sure? The line is kinda faded". So, we decided to take the second test, to which it delivered the same results....

I am still like, WTF? For real? It happened so fast... what a miracle. I will have to get the doctors confirmation, but I could not be happier or more excited.... or scared.

What an adventure ahead...

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February 11, 2008

I found this online - Kind cool!

Your Libra Baby

September 23 - October 22

Libras can be really beautiful babies. Personality wise, your Libra baby will not like to be hurried and will hate having to choose between two things. Libra children often seem older than their years and unexpectedly knowledgeable. Libras thrive when treated fairly and will obey rules that are seen to be fair. They treat others well and are kind-hearted.

Parents will need to guard against the Libra child's ability to wheedle almost anything out of adults, especially given their fondness for sweets. Your Libra child will quickly learn to argue with total conviction and will be adept at making their needs and wants known. You will need to guard against giving in to well-reasoned demands too often in case you spoil your child. Libras thrive in a harmonious environment and it is essential to give them lots of attention and affection. Whilst enjoying company, Libras can pursue interests on their own and are naturally private. Your child will respect the privacy of others and will keep confidences.

Your Libra child will be thoughtful and enjoy learning from books. A young Libra should not be fussed over too much or spoilt, but will rarely need to be strongly disciplined.

The typical Libra child will recover quickly from any ailments. __________________________________________________________________________________

February 13, 2008

Well, I am 5 weeks a 3 days pregnant - and aside from a bit of extra fatugue and hunger pangs, I feel really great! So far, no morning sickness, so that is great. My mother and my grandmother were plagued by it. Here's hoping I have broken the trend.

Hmmmm.... what else to say? Well, there is a new holiday in Ontario, Canada that the Government just added called "Family Day". It is on February 18th. Yeah! WHAT!?! I get a nice fat long weekend in the middle of the winter. For us Canadians, that is amazing. Normally, we have that huge stretch of time betweem Christmas and Easter without a sat. holiday, so this is fabulous! I am planning to visit my mother, and perhaps go snowboarding. I think I am still allowed to to that (I hope)!

Speaking of exercise, I am finding the gym to be harder and harder. You are looking at the type of chick who keeps very fit. I work out 5 to 6 days a week, combining cardio and weight training. Since I have been pregnant, I have found it very tiring! But, I must push through it and do what I can. I hear it is good mentally and physically for both me and the baby. Plus, having this 6 pack will help keep me smaller for longer, and help in delivery! I guess time will tell how long I can keep it up.

Okay. I suppose I should pretend to work now. Haha. Hurry up maternity leave! I could use a year away from here.

Ciao for now ladies!

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February 20, 2008

Today marks 6 weeks and 3 days. WOW! I was at the doctor last night, who confirmed my due date to be around October 14th, which is the day before my Nana's birthday. It only proves it more that she was indeed the one who chose this little miracle just for me!

I had blood work done and the tech left a huge-ass bruise on my arm. She was also really rude, and didn't speak english very well. But, whatev! As long as the baby is healthy so far.

My doctor also recommended a test I get done at 11 to 13 weeks. I forget the name, but it is to test for Spine Ibifida and Down Syndrome. It's optional, but I would like to know, so I agreed to have it done. It's a blood test and an ultrasound.

My doctor also told me that as far as exercise goes, I am good to do my thing, as long as I am not lifting to heavy or doing bouncy aerobics. I am cool with that because I don't do aerobics anyways. I am a fan of the good 'ol exercise bike!

So, off I go on the pregnancy journey!

PS - No morning sickness yet. WAHOOO!

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March 10, 2008

Yesterday, I hit the 9 week mark, and not a moment to soon! Although the morning sickness (or all day sickness) has FINALLY started to lessen, it is still there for the most part. But, knowing I only have a few weeks to go before I start to feel better means there is light at the end of the tunnel... well, aside from my beautiful baby, that is.

I am also excited that my baby has now graduated from being a "embryo" to a "fetus". It's neat because the little pictures in the pregnancy tickers below finally look human instead of like little alien beings! :) I am almost a third of the way through.... still seems so far away. Aaron's cousin gave birth a few days ago to a little boy, and I am so jealous because I already can't wait to get this kid outta me! HAHA!

Exercise update: Jennifer is STILL having a hard time getting to the gym. The naseau and fatigue are keeping me away, but I still bring my gym clothes every day in hopes that I will eb able to go. I made it twice last week, so I am hoping to double that this week. Wish me luck!

I have my 10 week doctor's appointment next Monday, so I am excited to find out more about the growing little one, and to find out when my first ultra sound will be.

Okay, I guess I should do some work now. :)

Blessing to all!

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March 20, 2008

Today is the first day of Spring! I went out for lunch today with some co-workers, and it was sunny and not to cold. But, according to the weather report this morning, we are still in for a lot of winter yet (here in Toronto). Oh well, life is good!

So, yeah... I went out for lunch and had "all day breakfast". Not something I normally partake in, but the baby really wanted it. I had 3 scrambled eggs, two pieces of toast and some homefries, all smothered in ketchup. Momma feels guilty, but baby is happy!

I will hit the 11 week mark on Sunday, which is very exciting. I felt nauseous yesterday for the first time in a week. Dare I say I might be nearing the end of this morning sickness ordeal? *crosses fingers*

It's Easter weekend, so I hope everyone has a fabulous long weekend! I will be spending mine with family, which in my opinion, is the best way to spend it.

Enjoy, ladies... and don't eat to much chocolate!

PS - I have my first ultrasound on April 9th! It's about time!

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April 10th, 2008

Wow, I have not updated in quite a while. First of all, to all of you in the Toronto, Canada area - YAY FOR SPRING! We had a long winter, but the mild and sunny weather is finally here, and I could not be happier!

So, I had my first ultrasound yesterday, and oh boy.... what an overwhelming experience. To see him/her for he first time was a day I will never forget, and by far the best day of my life!

I didn't get to hear the heartbeat, but I did see the heart fluttering and beating so fast! And, I got to see my baby flipping and turning like a little acrobat. I of course balled my eyes out upon seeing the baby. It was such a releif to know he/she is alive and healthy!

Anyways, keep in touch and let me know how all of you are doing!

I move onto week 14 in a few days! Wahoo!

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May 7th, 2008

Once again, it has been nearly a month since I last updated. I am about 17.5 weeks now, and feeling really good for the most part. The tiredness/fatigue is still there (and getting stronger), but no more morning sickness and the flu I had is now gone too!

My boyfriend and I bought a house as well, so that was a relief. I was glad to be able to afford something I really liked. The baby's room will need to be decorated, which reminds me: I need to get buying things for him/her.

Speaking of the sex, I get to find out if my little swimmer is a he or she on May 21st. That is SO exiciting! I love technology!

I am getting bigger too. I have gained a total of five pounds, which I am told is in the range of normal for my stage of pregnancy. And thus far, I have managed to keep it all belly!

Hope everyone is having fun! Take care!

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May 14th, 2008

I feel down today. Not sure if any of you ever get this way, but I guess I have the pregnancy blues. I am having a very hard time adjusting to my changing body and lack of energy. I like my round belly, but am starting to notice that I am gaining weight in my thighs. I spent a little while in tears last night when I looked at myself in the mirror. I mean, aside from the bit of weight gain, I also notice that I am just not as pretty as I used to be. My hair has changed, and I look tired all the time. My clothes don't fit right (either to small or two big), thus I am no longer fashionable. Unless you want to spend a lot of money on maernity clothes, you are rather limited.

I just feel like a shell of the person I used to be, and I am wondering if I will ever see that person again. I used to have long, flowing black hair, tanned skin, and a hard and cut body. Now, I have brittle hair, pale/pastey skin and weight more and have more flab on my body than I ever have before. I miss the old me.

The thing I miss most of all is going to the gym and sweating myself to death. Lifting weights, powering out just one more set until I feel like I was gonna heave, and then hopping on the bike for a 1/2 hour. The afterwards, admiring my body and looking at the results my hard work has delivered, and seeing the look on my boyfriend's face as he admired my determination and my body. *le sigh*

I just wish I could still do that now, but being pregnant has turned me into someone else. I have no energy to go to the gym AT ALL. I feel sick and dizzy when I do go, and what's worse is I live with the guilt and the knowledge that there is nothing I can do but watch myself get uglier and fatter. And then I wonder if even after the baby is born if I will even have the time to get to the gym to get it all back.

But then, I feel my baby move inside me, and I smile and let out a huge sigh.... because I know that still, through all the greif, pain and emotions, this is still the best thing I have ever done.

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May 22nd, 2008

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June 2nd, 2008

Wow, I have entered 21 weeks. Time is just flying by! My little boy has been moving since 16 weeks, but the kicks are getting much strong now. Even his daddy can finally feel them, which I am so happy for because he felt so uninvolved. Now he gets to feel him several times a day because our son is a gymnist!

What else? Well, my brother gets married this coming weekend, and I am a bridesmaid. I waited until last week to get my dress altered just in case. After adjusting it to fit the way I want, I feel like less of a cow! ;)

Anyways, short entry this time. I will update again soon!

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June 12th, 2008

122 days left to go....UGH! I am growing more impatient every day for my son to get here. At least my "oven" has more than half baked him. LOL! Weight gain total is about 9 to 10lbs now, and it grows more every day. That is a GREAT sign as it means Braidy is growing and healthy. He moves more and more too. His kicks are getting strong enough that almost anyone who I left feel him is able to. It definately is very cool!

I have my first visit with my O.B. on Monday the 16th, so that should be fun. I am excite to see what she will say. I would also love to see another ultrasound, but I think I might be wishful thinking on that one. It's funny how I will be 23 weeks by the time I get to my first visit. Like, what's the point? Haha!

Oh, I attended my brother's wedding on June 7th, and it was a blast. I posted a few pictures of me in my bridesmaids dress. My only complaint about the day was the heat. We had to get out pictures taken outside for three hours in 35 degree weather (for those of you in the states, I do not know that in ferenheight). I was so uncomfortable, and my back ached from standing so much. But, it was worth it for my brother and new sister-in-law. :)

I am also finding myself finally beginning to enjoy pregnancy. Now that my belly is beginning to round out, it looks cute! No more feeling fat because it is obvious I am not. I love to look at myself in the mirror and put my hands on my belly. I am not sure if I will be doing this again, so I am enjoying it more and more every day. But still... I want him to come out of there!

Ciao for now ladies!

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June 17th, 2008

I had my first appointment with the O.B. yesterday, and everything was great. My blood pressure was excellent, the baby was a good size, and my weight gain was perfect. She also told me that the IPS tests I had taken were negative (no downs syndrome) and that the ultrasounds were both measuring great too! I also got to hear his heartbeat. I had heard it once before. A good friend of mine is a doctor, and although she graduated medical school over a year ago and is specializing in Psychiatry, she still remembers how to locate a heartbeat with a doppler. Aaron, however, had never heard the heartbeat yet, so it was an exciting moment for him.

My next appointment is in 4 weeks, on July 14th. I will be 27 weeks by then and into the third trimester. Damn. Time flies.

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June 19th, 2008

Madame Zaritska's Reading:

Madame Zaritska, our resident clairvoyant, wants to help you prepare for the arrival of your child. Here she does her best to predict certain aspects of your labor and birth experience.

What she senses for you:
The day you deliver, outside will be warm. Your baby will arrive in the morning.

After a labor lasting approximately 3 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 7 pounds, 12 ounces, and will be 17-1/2 inches long. This child will have hazel eyes and dark hair.

But there is more. Although you may feel tired, your pregnancy will be over before you are truly ready to let go of having this precious baby you have all to yourself. I sense that you will look back and long for these days. I suggest doing something now to preserve some memories of this time. Many women enjoy making a belly cast. Perhaps you would be interested, too.

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