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I am pregnant with a baby boy (Thomas James Schoppe) and am a little nervous because I'm not sure what to do with a boy (have a daughter now)--I'm sure I will figure it all out soon enough.

My husband and I have been married since May 23rd 2006. We are both teachers (I teach kindergarten and he teaches 11th grade U.S. history). We recently bought a house and now are the proud payers of a mortgage. We are excited to add another child to our controlled chaos (with a 3 yr. old now...)

January 23, 2008: I am a little depressed today. My husband took on the equivalent of a second job to help out with finances b/c I am on bed-rest and unable to teach right now. I am thrilled that he is willing to step up to a challenge, but I HATE the fact that I hardly ever get to see him. I hate being alone all day and my daughter is going through her terrible 3's so that's stressful also. I am just very lonely right now. The baby (Thomas) is doing well... kicking all the time all over the place, so that makes me happy to know he is doing good.

January 27, 2008: I am super depressed today. My daddy was taken by ambulance to the hospital on friday afternoon b/c he had fallen and then become unresponsive. He has a history of strokes and TIA's and has Parkinson's disease. They found out he had a major stroke and burst a blood vessel in his brain. As a result, his brain was bleeding severely. They were going to do brain surgery on him to drain the blood but as they were preparing him for the procedure they noticed that his pupils changed and took another CT scan. They found out that the bleeding had become so severe that he would not make it through the surgery. They put him on life support for a couple of hours but encouraged us to think about stopping it b/c he was going to go anyways. We decided to take him off that night and were prepared for him to go shortly thereafter. He has stayed alive but in a coma and unresponsive since fri. night and it is now sun. morning. His stats have declined which they told us would happen when he is about to go so I am getting ready to go back to the hospital to say goodbye. My mother died a little over 2 years ago and my brother died this past november so this is all way too familiar for me.

January 28, 2008: Well the aftermath of my daddy's passing has begun. Little things make you miss him and some things happen randomly throughout the day that remind me of him or make me realize that he is never coming back. We had to make arrangements today which is always so much fun seeing as it costs an arm and a leg to have a funeral. The visitation will be this Wed. night and his funeral will be on Thursday. The baby is doing well. Had a doctor's appointment today and had another fetal fibronectin test to see if I'm about to go in labor in the next couple of weeks. I have not gained much weight which worries me but the doc said that the baby is probably taking everything from me anyways and that he is measuring normally. I have a very hard time gaining weight anyways and I guess pregnancy doesn't really change anything.

February 9, 2008: Last week was pretty good...I had a lot of people stopping by to visit and so that kept me occupied. I really hate the fact that my husband works so late and that we hardly get to see/talk to each other during the week. Hopefully the rest of the time that he is teaching more night school will go by quickly. Pregnancy-wise I feel ok. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have my body back to myself b/c the discomforts of a large belly are beginning to get to me. It seems like right before I'm about to go to sleep or rest he starts kicking and rolling around like crazy. Sometimes it's hard to quiet down when something is going nuts inside you. Weird feeling. Went for my glucose test last week, will find out the results on Monday when I go back to the doctor.

February 17, 2008: I had my moments last week where things were really hard. Wednesday night for some reason I just really wanted to get on the phone and call my daddy. Knowing that I couldn't and I will never be able to do that again really upset me and so there I was 7 1/2 months pregnant in my bathtub sobbing. Then on V-Day I had to pay our bills. Well...I soon realized that I recieved no paycheck (thanks to bed-rest and med. leave) so we were in the red big time w/ our finances which ultimately led me to a phone call to my MIL to ask for help. I hate asking for help so I was upset from that plus missing my daddy bigtime--I was just bawling. Then right after our 1 1/2 hr. long phone convo my brother called to discuss my dad's will and estate... and some things upset me there b/c I might lose my car (even though my dad gave it to me as a gift 7 years ago). Anyways, THEN flowers show up on my door from my hubby :) which is good, but they came in a box and when I opened the box, the vase rolled out an shattered on the tile floor, SO THEN I'M REALLY CRYING.... Anyways, went to the mall later that day saw an old man that looked like my daddy. He held his fingers the way my daddy held his and had spots on his hands just like my dad's. I really wanted to stop him and ask him for a hug and to touch his hands, but just got teary eyed instead. Good surprise when I got home, my hubby had left early from work b/c he knew I wasn't having a good day....

Baby: baby is fine. Moving all the time. Has been irritating my sciatia and still giving me really tremendous heartburn. Had another FFN test, results are neg. Will have another ultrasound on Feb. 25th to check the measurement of my cervix.

February 21, 2008: Yesterday I had been feeling contractions more often, not consistent but more frequent (at least 1 or 2 an hr- which is a lot if you are on meds to stop/prevent this kind of thing) and I was also having a lot of pressure in my bottom. So I called the dr. on call at my office and he directed me to go to L&D just to get checked b/c the symptoms sounded like a good run of pre-term labor. So after debating about it, I finally went at 8:40 at night. They put me in the triage room and asked me a million questions and hooked me up to the monitor. The nurse who was treating me was not very friendly and acted like I was of no importance to her. Anyways, she checked my cervix which was still up high and not effaced/dilated, but the baby was low. The thing is she doesn't know what my normal 'low' was before that and so the baby could have dropped more (only MY dr. will know for sure b/c he knows how far down Thomas is usually)... anyways, after that she pretty much blew me off and made me feel like it was inconveniencing her for me to be there. So they had me hooked up to the monitor for 35 min. or so and I had 4 contractions in that time. This did not concern them so they sent me home after making me feel completely stupid for coming in the first place. They ultimately could not give me an answer as to why I was having pressure so I will ask my dr. when I go on Mon. Anyways, I guess that was a big ol' waste of time, but at least my baby is ok.

P.S. Yesterday would have been my daddy's 71st Birthday. I miss you daddy. RIP.

February 25, 2008: Had another dr. appt. today. First I went in to u/s to measure my cervical length and that was it (length was fine 3.8). Then I went in to see the dr. and told him about my recent trip to the hospital and about the contractions and pressure. He decided to check my cervix and see if there were any changes. No dilation, but baby's head was even lower than it was 2 weeks before. He was not reassured about that. He then measured my belly which was measuring small he said so he wanted to do another u/s to check and make sure baby was still growing and why my measurements were off. The u/s technician did her measurements and said the baby is actually measuring 1 week AHEAD and that he weighs 3lb 10oz. She started to turn on the 3D/4D u/s and started to get some good pics (even though I wasn't scheduled for one) I asked her how much they cost and told her about when I got one with my daughter they turned out not so good b/c her head was down so low, and she said, don't worry about it, just don't tell anybody. So she continued the 3D u/s, she said they usually do them before 32W and that she didn't know if I would make it (stay preg.) long enough to get one done. Anyways, I basically got a free 3D/4D u/s!!! Baby Thomas was cooperating and the pics were great! That made my day. Anyways, good that the baby is obviously still growing great, but sucky that he has lowered even more. My dr. thinks I will have him w/in the month (around 34W). I am nervous, but constantly preparing myself for that possibility. Also, I told him about my crappy hospital visit w/ the witchy nurse and he told me that I was totally right for going in that night.

March 3, 2008; MISSING YOU LIKE CRAZY TODAY DADDY. Been a little down today. Went to my dr. appt. and they informed me that my dr. had just left for a delivery. It was essential to me to see my own dr. today so I insisted on waiting. He showed up and when he did I had a complete meltdown (tears and all). I am so terrified for the health of this baby (not wanting him to be born to early) and so completely wanting a normal birth experience (being able to take Thomas home when I go home). I am just stressed from being 'on alert' 24/7...b/c I really could have him anyday now and that frightens me. I feel a lot of pressure to keep him cooking b/c I feel like we've made all these sacrifices as a family just so I can be on bed-rest and I'm really wanting it to work so I can feel like I did something. Found out last Thursday that I won't be getting any sort of pay check at all and in fact I'm going to have to pay to keep my insurance and this makes me feel like crap. At least if I was able to carry him til term than I could feel like it all paid off... anyways... that's me today... feeling under the weather!

March 26, 2008: I am feeling much, much better today and this week even. I'm still pregnant which is a good thing, and when I went to see the dr. on Monday he told me he felt that I would go at around 37W (3 more weeks... kinda scary). I am so relieved that I will most likely get to experience a normal term birth and bring my baby home with me like everyone else does. The reality of how close the end is and I am a little nervous. Am I really ready for all of this again? Let's hope so! We just got new hardwood floors and carpet throughout our house so it really feels like a fresh start. I have OCD and one of my obsessions is with the vaccum lines on the carpet, so before I would vaccum at least 3 times a day, or after anyone stepped on the carpet (which completely sucked). Now, we have new carpet that doesn't show lines or footprints, so we can all actually walk on the carpets now and I haven't touched the vaccum in 2 days (That's a record folks). It also makes me feel so good that everything is clean and ready for Thomas James to be born!!!! The dr. is taking me off bed and pelvic rest this weekend so I can do what I want now yay!!!! Only 2 more progesterone shots to go and only 2 more weeks left of taking meds if I'm contracting. He said if I came in to the hospital w/ contractions they wouldn't stop my labor now.... anyways, feeling overall pretty good... IT'S ABOUT DARN TIME!!!!

April 7, 2008: Well...I am still pregnant... GO FIGURE! Went to the dr. today and found out that I am only 1cm dilated and still pretty firm :( He said he thinks I still have a couple of weeks of pregnancy left. When I go back to see him next Monday we will talk induction date. To think... after all of this trying to keep the baby in... I can't get him out!!!! I feel like I've been all dressed up with no place to go now... I am really bored, everything's ready for him to get here... he just needs to make his appearance! Hopefully by this time next week I will be softened out and dilating more so I can be ready for an induction at 39 weeks. Other than that, everything is pretty much ok! I am just experiencing that end of pregnancy misery... poor hubby :(

April 15, 2008: Went to the dr. yesterday... still 1cm dilated and no thinning or softening of cervix yet. I will go back to see him on Friday to see if cervix is making any progress so we can set an induction date. My blood pressures were also a little high yesterday so they want to check on that again on Friday. I'm not really wanting to be induced b/c I know that increases the risk of having to have a c-section...and it totally throws my birth plan off balance, but... I AM READY TO GET THIS BABY OUTTA ME!!!! Hopefully when I go back on Fri. my cervix will be more favorable and he can schedule an induction for sometime next week. Regardless, he will induce me before May 1st...so it won't be much longer... I'm just ready for it now. I have started some evening primrose caplets and will begin walking around the neighborhood today. Hopefully those things combined will help to change cervix a bit :(

April 24, 2008: OK so I never thought I'd be pregnant THIS LONG!!!! I was ready to have this baby way back at 30W when dr. said he was coming... and here I am, still can't get this kiddo outta me. I am still on 'standby' list for an induction tomorrow, but dr. told me yesterday that it was pretty unrealistic to think I'll get a bed tomorrow. Hopefully, if I get bumped to Monday, there will be an opening for me then, or to think.... I COULD JUST GO INTO LABOR ON MY OWN!!!!.....at this point I'm thinking my body forgot how to do that one :( I am trying everything to help my body out (walking a lot, lots of sex, evening primrose, birthing ball...) none of it's working ugh! I am still ready to go in tomorrow for an induction, but most likely it will be Monday.... so we'll see!!!!