As i wanted to put a cross around her neck i gently lifted her head up but her bonnet fell back and i noticed that from ear to ear had been stitched up and i was shocked as i saw a lot of bruising aswell which was not nice but did not know why they had done it.

Well we could not afford a nice headstone for her so my sister bought her a white heart headstone with lead lettering on it, thats all she could afford. So my little angel was born on the 4th feb 1988 and passed away on the 8th feb 1988 and was berried on the 15th feb 1988.

******************************************************************

Then i got pregnant in 1989 and on the 28th december my daughter was born we called her Hayley Nicola Florence after her sister this is her now nearly 18 years later

I then went on to have a few miscarriages then on the 6th July 1992 i gave birth to a son called Gavin William Harry which is nearly 15 this july
and he has got ADHD which makes it even harder for me.

******************************************************************

Three weeks later when we were in the middle of town with the baby and little daughter my boyfriend collapsed and was rushed into hospital, they done tests and scans on his brain and was told he had to go to Walton Hospital for them to do a biopsy on his brain, we got the results back and it was not good we were told he has got a brain tumour ( cancer ) on the brain and has only got 12 months to live.

******************************************************************

He had to have his radiotherapy and chemotherapy for months to shrink the tumour and we were told at that point that we were not to have any more children as they would not get a chance to see there dad alive.My family had aranged for us to have a small wedding as we were not married at the time so on the 23rd feb 1993 we got married. but then in the july 1993 my dad was diagnosed with 8 brain tumours and cancer all round the body, he was given 6 months to live and only made it to 20th dec 1993. My dad asked for his last dying wish was to have his ashes spread across my babys grave so we fulfilled his wishes and done that , we then had his name put on the headstone aswell.By this point my husband went past the 12 months mark that he was told so now he was living on borrowed time. Then in 1997 he was given the all clear that the tumour had gone into remission and if we wanted more kids we could have the go ahead for them, so we decided we would like one more child so on the 10th Feb 1998 our son David joseph Patrick was born, we named him David after his dad

Then in the july of 1998 when my son was just a few months old my husbands cancer had came back again and was told he has only got 6 months to live this time Then on the 31st dec 1998 when the little lad was only 10 months old there daddy passed away

Then a few years went by and in the year 2000 there was an issue on the tv about hospitals that had taken the organs out of the dead babies without the parents consent and keeping them in jars for experimenting on, this had been going on for years and to my horror i found out that my baby nicola was a victim of this cruel thing, as no wonder her head was all bruised and from ear to ear stitched up as i found out that the brain was just one of the organs that was taken from my daughter along with a lot more. It took a year and a half to get all my babies organs back. I had to have another funeral for her with a little tiny casket with all her organs inside it, knowing i had to see my babies grave dug back up after all these years and going through it all on my own as my husband had passed away at this point and my family dont live around me.

*******************************************************************

The hospital had to pay every parent that this had happened to 5 grand back but that does not compensate for them cutting up my babie. so with the 5 grand i got back i bought a better headstone with gold lettering on it this time

*******************************************************************

So years went by on my own with the 3 children then i met a wonderful man which i never thought i could fall in love again but i did his name is Nigel

We started going out with each other on the 2nd August 2004 and we decided as he has not got any children of his own that we would try for a baby and have been trying ever since. Went to the Drs. to see why i was not getting pregnant and was told i had to wait 18 months before they do anything about it. So 18 months went by and still not pregnant so we were refered to the hospital for them to do different tests. Boyfriend had to have a sperm count and that came back fine nothing wrong with him. So i knew it was me then found out that i was not ovulating so in jan 2007 was put on 50mgs of clomid to help me to ovulate. Was on it for 3 months and having progestrone level shots every month aswell. come april 07 we decided to have a clomid free month as the side effects were bad for me. Went back to the hospital begining of may 07 was told to stay of the clomid now as i started to ovulate on my own without the clomid which i was pleased thank god.

*******************************************************************

My boyfriend works nights so he dont get in till 5.20am and i was on cycle day 30 of a 31 day cycle and as i get up every morning at 5 am for when my boyfriend gets in to make him a drink, i decided to do a cheap home pregnancy test that i already had in and it was positive , i was sitting there on the toilet crying and shaking in shock. I then went down staires to wait for my boyfriend to come in from work, so as he walked in i was still crying with shock, he asked what was wrong and i showed him the test, he could not believe it so he went straight back out to asda to go and buy a clear blue test , and we done that and that came out the same positive

So it was may 23rd found out i was pregnant by this time i would have been 5 weeks into it. By week 7 i started to lose so had to go to hospital to have a scan
and to my suprise i saw the babys heartbeat my baby was still there and i could'nt believe it i was so happy. I am now 8 weeks and 4 days pregnant and go for my 12 week scan on 17th july which i cant wait. this is me and my boyfriend when i was 7 weeks pregnant

well this is a pic of me at 12 weeks pregnantand this is my 12 week scan taken on 17th july****************************************

19th july 07 thursday: Been to the hospital for antinatel today and been told that i have to have a glucose tolerence test done on wed 25th july which im not looking forward to, not aloud anything to eat from 10pm the night before and only water to drink. i have the test done at 9.30am of that morning then have another test done 2 hours later. Dr tried to find the babys heartbeat but there was nothing im a bit worried but the dr said go back to the midwife in a few weeks and ask her to check for the heartbeat then. so its just a case of waiting and i dont like waiting i just get worried.

Tuesday 24th july i recieved my heart doppler so i decided to try it out and it was amazing to hear my babys heartbeat at home.

Wednesday 25th july had my glucose tolerence test done but wont get the results for a few weeks.

Thursday 26th july just recieved my 20 weeks scan appointment through the post which is booked for 10th sept cant wait for that one.

Friday 27th july got a phone call from the hospital sooner than i thought telling me the results of my glucose tolerance test that i have got diabetes now i dont know nothing at all about it so im a bit worried all i know is they said they are going to send me an appointment to attend the diabetic clinic.

***********************************************************

Wed 28th nov 07 ---- well i go for another growth scan on monday 3rd dec hopfully they will tell me how much my baby weighs then. And was told at my last appointment at the diabetic clinic that they want me in by 39 weeks to induce me well thats not long now but never been induced before and thats if i last till then with 2 of my other children i had them early. so maybe i could have this one early but am scared if i have a big baby with having gest diabetes which i never had before and my other kids only weighed in at 6lbs 2oz and 5lbs 6oz and 5lbs 2oz so i really not looking forward to the end in case its really big.