Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle -Erma Bombeck

~~~~~~I will miss~~~~~~ June 20, 2008

I will miss the moment I found out I was pregnant, excepting for years I could not... I will miss watching my belly grow and being proud there were no stretch marks til around week 30 lol I will miss all of you, and our conversations about being pregnant, (I hope some of us stay in touch) I will miss my boyfriend lifting my shirt every night on the couch just so he can see her move... I will miss getting pissed off at people in public for making rude comments... cause if they make them after I give birth I'm knockin some heads together. I will miss my family being proud of me, for what seems like the first time in my life, for being so strong, going thru a pregnancy a divorce a sale of a home and keeping it together most of the time. I will miss lots of ice cream and ice pops, and whole watermelons, and grill cheese a few times a day. I will miss feeling her kick and squirm, I guess I have to add even the head-butts to the cervix... I will miss talking to her and letting her know she can stay there as long as she wants, now I'm thinking about college and begging her to stay home as long as she wants lol... But afterall even when my womb is empty and tumbleweeds are blowing around in there, I will have something amazing to show for it, so all those things missed will be stored away and my life will be so much more complete, I'm completely in Love with someone I've never formally met and do welcome the day I am not pregnant because then I will have her in my arms to love and cherish forever.

Birth FACTS from www.givingbirthnaturally.com

FACT
Each year, the U.S. spends over $50 billion dollars on childbirth. This is more than any other nation in the world. (This number does not include babies in the NICU or readmissions during the first month.)
FACT
Birthing is the largest source of income for American hospitals.
FACT
The U.S. ranks 37th in the world for the quality of its health care.
FACT
Over HALF of all hospital admissions in America are for maternity.
FACT
Hospitals are NOT the safest place to have a baby. 25 infectious strains exist that are resistant to ALL known antibiotics. These are found primarily in hospitals.
FACT
75 years of routine hospital birth have produced NO studies to show it is safer than having a baby at home with a skilled birth attendant.
FACT
Both homebirth and birth centers have been scientifically proven to be as safe or safer than hospitals with a skilled labor attendant (i.e. midwives, not doctors).
FACT
The more technology used in childbirth, the more dangerous it becomes.
FACT
The larger the hospital, the greater the risks to both mother and baby.
FACT
Of the 4.3 million babies born annually in the U.S., a mere 5% represent natural childbirth.
FACT
America has the 32nd highest infant mortality rate in the entire world.
FACT
The U.S.A. has the 14th highest maternal mortality ratio among developed nations.
FACT
Over 90% of all infants in the U.S. are born with drugs (e.g. narcotics from epidurals, pitocin, acetaminophen, etc) in their systems. NONE of these drugs have been tested for safe use in infants.
FACT
A 24-hour hospital stay, uncomplicated delivery in the U.S.A. costs anywhere from $8,000-10,000. This cost DOUBLES for a c-section.
FACT
ALL families in the U.S. are charged newborn nursery charges, even if the baby NEVER leaves the mother's room. This "routine" charge amounts to about $1.3 billion dollars annually, for services that are NOT rendered. (I'm not quite sure why this doesn't constitute insurance fraud - billing for services not rendered.)
FACT
Every year, 1 million, or about 20%, full-term, healthy infants are sent to the NICU for "observation" for an average stay of 3 days, totaling a whopping $6,000.
FACT
For newborns suspected to have serious medical conditions, the same NICU stay totals $20,000.
FACT
1 in 3 American women has an episiotomy. Episiotomies are medically indicated for less than 10% of all women. Over 1 million unnecessary episiotomies are performed annually in the U.S.
FACT
1 in 5 births in the U.S.A. are induced. 44% of women surveyed in 2002 reported their doctor wanted to induce. Only 16% reported medically-indicated reasons.
FACT
American women who elect epidurals are FOUR times as likely to have cesarean sections.
FACT
31.1% of American babies (nearly 1 in 3) in 2006 were delivered by cesarean section. The World Health Organization recommends a c-section rate of less than 10-15% as acceptable.
FACT
U.S. hospital policies for routine tests, practices, policies and procedures are based on financial considerations, which include malpractice insurance costs. They are not based on evidence, research, or appropriateness of care.
I truly hope you found these statistics disturbing. If they don't speak to the medicalization of childbirth in this country, I don't know what does.
The true horror comes in the fact that these views are being exported across the world. As the U.S. is such a powerhouse of marketing, more impressionable regions are adapting to these customs, despite the overwhelming evidence that the U.S. approach to childbirth IS SERIOUSLY FLAWED
American obstetricians are taught to view birth as "a disaster waiting to happen." The average delivery in the U.S. is neither natural nor healthy. We have embraced a cascading system of successively more intense, unneeded interventions termed "active management" or the "standard of care".

Prayers Please!

This week is a bit stressful, Some of you may know I put my house on the market on April 4th. I know it was taking a risk to have it listed that late into the season but I had no choice. My lawyer told me its the only way to finalize the divorce to my ex-husband. We have been seperated almost 2 years now. So even though I was pregnant I gave it my all, finishing up renovations that I started many years ago, I put in a whole new kitchen, and bathroom, fix up some odds and end jobs and wouldn't you know, after all my prayers we had an offer just 17 days later. I couldn't be happier, I just wanted all this to be past me before the baby was born. We thought after all the work that was done, the people should have no problems with anything but then after the inspection we found out the radon in the house was 4x the legal amount (OMG i was living there for close to 4 years, I'll be lucky if I don't have another head growing) so between that and a few other things we now have to assist the buyers and give them what they ask for at closing to get the issues worked out. Ok fine, so a closing date was set for May 29th... (just a few more days now) but its still a battle dealing with my ex and his short comings. So I did my fair share of crying and over working myself and I told him that if something happens to the baby I'll never forgive him and he'll live with the guilt for making me do it all. Do you think that worked? NOPE nice man for ya, thank God i realized that he's not what i needed. so now just a few days away I still find myself fighting with him to get things done, meanwhile everytime I try to call my house to speak to him his girlfriend answers and gives me an attitude like I'm bothering her. Anyway it'll be over soon then they can go on with their lives and I can enjoy mine. My one fear is my lawyer is not attending the closing and thats where out disputes were to be settled now i represent myself and fight for whats mine. This is the last fight though, so prayers for strength are what I need. Thanks so much for all your encouragement ladies... Love ya!

Warning Signs of Preterm Labor (doctor gave me a booklet)

1. Uterine Contractions

Four or more per hour. Feels like abdomen is tight-may be painless or uncomfortable

2. Menstrual-like Cramps

Felt low in the abdomen, near the pubic bone -- may be constant or come and go.

3. Lower, Dull Backache

Lower back pain that may radiate to the sides or the front-- may or may not be relieved by change of position

4. Pelvic Pressure

Pressure or heaviness in the lower abdomen, back or thights. It may feel as though the baby is pushing down.

5. Intestinal Cramps

A feeling of "gas pains" with or without diarrhea.

6. Increase or Change in Vaginal Discharge

May become pink or brown-tinged, muscousy or watery.

7. A General Feeling That Something is "Not Right"

Just not feeling well, even without a specific cause.

The Bedding is ordered!! I also added some photos of the crib and changing table my parents bought for baby. I can't wait to get it all set up. Thanks for all the feedback it helped me to make my final decision. :)

May 14th 2008

APRIL 29th 2008

I'm sorry I need to post its 5:00am and I can't sleep... I've been thinking about the conversation about BF/DH at home not helping or caring VS. BF/DH in iraq or just not home. I am posting my thoughts on my page so you can choose to read them if you'd like. I always grew up hearing "the grasss isn't always greener" and "someone's got it worse than you" and "there are starving children in other countries so you better eat your vegetables," Now as an adult I've come to realize yes those things are true, but "to each his own" I don't feel that there is anything wrong with having emotions, or occasionally getting upset, or not wanting or wishing what you're going thru on anyone. Someone always does have it worse than you, but you are you, and you need to deal with what you're going thru, not what someone else was dealt. So if you feel the need to cry instead of laugh, then you have every right. It doesn't mean you are inconsiderate, or ungrateful, or even unappreciative it just means YOU ARE HUMAN. I can empathize with both sides. I married a man who promised the world, and became nothing short of horrible man. Sometimes I sat and thought how horrible it was to be living under the same roof with someone and feeling more alone than if I was alone. Yes I went on to change that but at the time, I felt there was nothing worse another human could do to me. Then you begin to think, someone else has it worse, they have no husband or loved one, or that person is in jail, or overseas, or away on business, or has passed away... but that still didn't make it ok or even shadow the feeling of knowing you are lying next to someone at night who could really careless if you were there or somewhere else. I feel for the women who have their husband overseas, and of course wouldn't want that either, but at least you know that that person over there wants nothing more than to be with you, there is still love even if its only communicated by letters or emails or an occasional phone call. Yet again we all want what we don't have. I don't think the women who are "complaining" in certain people eyes should be judged for speaking their hearts and minds. That's what we are here for, to support each other not judge or put down for "fussing" or "complaining" I mean no harm in saying this to either party. I am now in a great relationship, and a loving home, and on occasion I do feel alone, but I'm pregnant and hormonal if he was sitting right next to me I could still be tearing up about something. I'm not taking sides I just think we all need to think before we jump to judge others for opening up. to the wives of men overseas you are in my prayers and I pray for their safe return. For the wives/girlfriends of the men who are home but "not all there" I too pray for you to find understanding and for them to get up off their lazy butts and be there for you!! I agree with a comment someone made the reason we are treated a certain way (by husband or anyone else in the world) is because we allow someone to treat us that way... but sadly we all don't have the tools or courage to know how to fix it. My thoughts and prayers to all of you. thank you for taking the time to read. xoxo

My preparations for Motherhood!! Check out my photo book!! So Cute!!

Last June I found out my 3 year old Basset Hound was excepting a litter. Lets go back a few weeks... My ex had taken my dogs for a while to spend time with them because he missed them so much. He brings them over one day and I notice that my babygirl (her name is Beta but we call her babygirl) looks alittle on the heavy side with nipples that were quite large. I said you know I think she `s pregnant. He said that was impossible he brought her to the vet that morning to have her eyes checked (she had an infection, poor little girl) I said No I really think she is. He called the vet made another appointment and sure enough a week later we find out she expecting a litter of SEVEN!!! Yikes!! He said `here you take her ` lol so I did, the vet said you have 7 to 10 days before she whelps... An even bigger YIKES!! So I buckled down and prepared a space for her and her babies for the next few months. I used the kitchen to house her whelping box and all the things I needed to help her out with bringing these tiny precious pups into the world. Oh by the way I forgot to mention my mini schnauzer knocked her up...lol so I asked the vet what I needed to do to help he said nothing she `d do it all, looking back I laugh cause thats not the case. so I read up online more about whelping and sure enough they say some dogs don `t do all the work and you have to help. I got my `about to play Doctor ` all set up and now we wait. I was to take her temp every 2 hours (rectally) and record everything so I did she was my baby and she was in need. When it drops you know you have a window of 12/24 hours now thats not a small window I freaked. She didn `t want me to leave her side, it was so hard cause she couldn `t go up and down the stairs to pee so I had to carry her. Pregnant she was up to 65lbs... from 45 so it was quite the lift. Back and forth cause she felt like she had to pee constantly (sound familiar ladies??) I slept in the box with her lol I know but like I said she wouldn `t let me leave her side. We nested together. I `d give her a bone she `d burry it. I gave her vanilla ice cream she burried the whole bowl under all the blankets and towels...lol was the funniest thing ever. So I `m sitting with her on June 30th around 2:15 in the afternoon and I decided to play some Andrea Bocelli for her to relax her then I realize Oh no I never found the scale to weigh each one, let me quick go down in the basement and find it. She cried I yelled up `mommy `s coming ` then I hear silence. I rumaged thru boxes couldn `t find it,,,still silence I ran up stairs and she was in her box licking the first little pup... A GIRL... she wouldn `t break the cord so I had to tie it off and cut it, sucion her nose and mouth and clean her up... then I put her in the hat box with a heating pad...not knowing when the next one would arrive. Beta wanted nothing to do with her I think she was scared from all the excitment. As I `m tending to the little one Beta runs into the living room, thank goodness for pergo floors... and drops another one...A BOY!! this time she was ripping at the cord I had to stop her cause she was pulling it away from his belly and I didn `t want him to bleed. So I carry him over and do the same clean him up put him in the box. Yet again she `s pushing and here comes another BOY, but she wouldn `t rip the sac so I did everything again. At this rate all the puppies will be here soon. Then she stalled... we sit and wait... she occasionally went over to the box and sniffed her pups she still was not sure what was happening. 2 1/2 hours later another BOY!! 30 mins goes by another BOY!! YAY things are going great... yet again we wait 4 hours pass and she `s resting nicely but I `m worried they say no longer than 2 hours apart so I put on some gloves and a little K-Y and proceed to feel around up there... Hey I `ll do anything for my babies... sure enough I stimulate more contractions and within 15 minutes she pushing again. A BOY!! My goodness only one girl I `m sure there has to be another one in there somewhere. so now we are at 6 pups and she wants to rest again but this time she `s trying to fit her chubby behind into the hat box with all her puppies...lol I was laughing so hard I had to pull her away and just let her rest her head in there poor baby. Now I know there are 7 we had an x-ray so we wait.... 5 1/2 hours later I can `t let this happen again, again I glove up and go in. To my surprise the pup was right there but she wasn `t pushing... I fished around a little to see which direction it was in and it was head down no problem but the sac had broken already the little pup was sucking on my finger inside of her and when I pulled my finger away he cried.. it was the strangest thing to hear a pup cry inside his mom. I told her to push as I massaged her back end and she listened He came flying out no lie like he was surfing... I later named him Honu which means seaturtle in Hawaiian. So 6 boys 1 girl... By that time it was 3:30 am the next morning 13 1/2 hours later I was exhausted and so was she. Now I had to clean up the mess and let her nurse. She wouldn't let them latch on she just wanted to roll them around and sniff their little hiney `s. I forced her down (I know seems horrible but they had to eat) and she finally relaxed.. What a sight 7 little pups my world was about to change.

My preparations for Motherhood Part II:

So my life had changed completely I was now co-mother to seven little precious pups. I blew up a mattress and slept near the box not knowing if she could handle the "new" responsiblity. I was just in aw of 7 little lives I had helped into the world. My new daily routine was very different from what I was used too. I was used to working 7 days a week in a few different jobs and taking care of my home. Now I was responsible for 8 living creatures (pups + mom). Poor Beta didn't realize at first she couldn't sit up whenever she wanted because everytime she moved her pups would snuggle in closer ending up underneath her...and now what? She couldn't lay down!! So she would cry for me to save her, I would run and pull all the pups out and let her lay back down then latch them all on again. She still didn't catch on. lol I guess all the stress of being a new mommy had her mind all crazy, she's usually very smart. I feared going to sleep at night cause she would often lay on them and they would squil like little pigs trying to move and she didn't even seem to notice. My back was killing me from sleeping on a blow up mattress so I had to do something. I marched down to the store and bought a baby monitor..lol hehe sounds silly but I had to sleep in my own bed but still feel comfortable knowing no pups were being squished. when I returned from the store a pup was in the middle of the kitchen shivering!! Bad mommy she didn't even go and get him and bring him back...I have no clue how he got there either, they couldn't walk or climb. I found that on a few occasions, I would run home on lunch break to check on things and pups would be in the living room or in random areas...I still couldn't figure it out so one day I sat quiet and watched, they would "swim" around the box and climb up on each other and roll out then "swim" some more and get tired and sleep in the middle of the room. hehe it was cute but scarey. Well news got around I had all these pups and everyone wanted to see, so little by little guests came over and watched in aw as well. I let just a few people hold them, Beta would watch with a careful eye and sometimes would cry (especially when men would hold them) so i was quick to give them back if she was uncomfortable with that person. With me she let me do whatever I needed including holding them each for awhile and bonding with them. Each day I had to measure and weigh, clip their nails and give them watery yogurt for there belliies since she was on antibiotics. It was interesting keeping track of all of them and weights because they look very similar... so I tied ribbons around there necks, that didn't last long cause everytime she cleaned them she'd lick em right off, or they'd just fall off..etc...so my new method was using there markings, they all had unique white markings on there bellies and toes so I recorded there markings and description of what I thought they looked like to keep track of weight gain and their names I had picked out. Lauea, Kona, KiKi, Kai, Kea, Hannah, and Honu. All Hawaiian names. I knew them all eventually by markings. No one else could tell them apart. I would observe how great of mommy she turned out to be, she cared for them so much I often found her counting to be sure all 7 were there, they loved to scatter about once they were a few weeks old, usually paired up but one, Kona, he was my big boy, loved being a loner. I would constantly find myself counting as well, knowing a few had been convicted of escaping earlier on. sometimes I would do the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,,,,,,6,,,,, where's 7 and find him curled up inside a towel I had rolled up to make bumpers around the box...hehe it was hilarious. I took a million and a half pictures of every silly sleeping position, every cute face, every single day..I couldnt help myself. soon enough Kona had one eye open and all the others were soon to follow then it was interesting watching them begin to stand and waver trying oh so hard to take a step...some were quick to learn and run really fast tripping over themselves, and others still felt the need to 'swim" but eventually they all learned and then I was in for trouble, the escape was on...I finally stappled fabric to the front of the box opening so Beta's nipples wouldn't get sore from trying to climb over, but if you know what a basset hound looks like you know they have very short legs so its impossbile to cater to both needs. I had to ween them a 4 weeks because it was getting too difficult to work and worry about puppies all over the house. I moved the pups into a large crate with no top so I could tend to them easily. They hated it but they had to stay away from mom so her milk could dry up and they could eat puppy food. I remember their first meal like it was yesterday, I had to (every 2 hours) mix dry puppyfood, wet puppy food and hot water in a blender...( the smell was interesting) the texture made me cringe. I put it on a cookie sheet and let them out, they all scrambled to it and step in it, rolled in it, lapped it up, threw it up, ate it again... I have it all on video too cute. Now Beta on the other had hated me for this...she pouted all day, cried, barked at me, dripped milk over the whole house, I felt bad but we weren't keeping these pups and we had to do what was right to get them into there new homes starting from 6-8 weeks. i also had to take her off of puppy food so her milk would dry up, try telling a new mom, who just had her babies taken from her that she now can't eat the food she's been eating for 2 months...I felt horrible. She still sat near their crate and pulled the covers off at night to check on them. It was difficult for me to watch, I often felt like crying cause I was the one keeping her from her babies. But this too was only the beginning of phase two... I had so much more ahead of me, would I be able to handle this?

Stay tuned for the rest of My preparations for Motherhood story..

I am so emotional and overwhelmed that I finally found out the little angel growing in my belly is a girl. I didn't care either way, I never chose a side and said I'd be happy with either but just knowing allows me to be even more connected to my little angel. We are so happy and excited! Mommy's little girl is doing great!

My Cupcake has PINK Frosting!!!