October 16, 2007

WOW !! Yesterday i saw my Precious Little Boy at my 20 week ultrasound.... I love him SoOoOoOoO much !! At first i thought i wanted a little girl, but now i know that he is a boy, i couldn't even imagine a girl !!My boyfriend met me at the Dr. and he was so cute too !! After seeing the baby i noticed he was crying... I thought for sure i would be the one to cry, but it was daddy shedding tears.. I was too busy laughing and giggling at my lil squirt sticking out his tongue( Makes me wonder what in the world is he thinking in there, the way he moved around was like he had a little imaginarey friend in there) Well i hope everyone's pregnancies are going well and best of luck to you all !!

October 23, 2007

Today i got my bedding from target (on-line) and my car seat... I love them both so much...Makes it feel even more real because now i have stuff to play with and put together !! Well i was just really excited about them...Have a great day mommies ~!~!~!~!~

November 8, 2007

Okay so i finally feel like i am making some progress... I went to the Doctor on 11/2/08...and Julian's heart rate was 140 bpm and all my iron levels and stuff were really good !!! I got measured for the first time, so i finally feel like i'm getting somewhere. I go back on 11/30/07 to take my Glucose testing..Yuck !! Also now my whole family knows about the baby.. i had not told everyone because i wanted to tell my Father face to face since i am his youngest daughter, but damn i went 6 months and he never even called me, so i called him... Well the whole family is delighted and i am too !!! Things could not be any better...

November 26, 2007

So i am completely crushed...........i get home on November 20, 2007 to a bunch of swat people kicking in my door (Didn't find a thing) They have taken my boyfriend away on charges i know aren't true and completely destroyed my home !!! Not to mention now i am going to be evicted because of this all...And they tell me he may go away for 15 years.... i am so upset... I am worried i may hurt the baby because i can't stop crying... Ijust never thought i would raie my child alone !!! If those who visit my page could just say a little pray for my health and Baby Julian's health....Trust me we need it !!! God bless you all

December 3, 2007

I feel like the worst mommy in the world !! Like i said before my boyfriend is in jail now and i have no idea what is going to happen... He is being taken to a federal jail to face federal charges and i am completely losing it !! I am having a breakdown ... I can barely work ( I cry the whole time i am here) The jerks i work with just keep telling me to get over it and i will be fine !! OMG!!! i am carrying his child and i love him...How do you just get over that??? But i feel so bad because i try to think about my Little boy and how wonderful he is going to be, but i just can't stop crying... I know this is upsetting him too because i cry all day long... I still feel him kick and move, but i just doesn't make me smile ( I know i have so much to be thankful for). I feel completely robbed of my joy, My Dr. has given me nerve pills to help, but they only seem to kick in when i am at home on the phone with my boyfriend. I know i have to stay strong for the baby, but i have really thought about just killing myself ( I know this will not solve anything, and then my baby will have no Mommy and no Daddy, but i just can't make these feeling go away) I just wish he was home !! I was so happy to be having his child and starting a family and now all i can imagine is visit to the Prison for the next 10 years.... I NEED HELP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Somebody please say a prayer, because i don't know how much of this i can take... I just want to quit my job and sit at home and cry til my baby comes !

December 5, 2007

well girls please say one extra prayer for my boyfriend and our family tonight.. .We go to the court tomorrow to see if they will allow him to be released on a bond.. His lawyer says the chances are slim, but i am still hanging on to that little bit of hope.. He seems to have so much hope, i guess from talking to the other people in jail, he has told me to bring him clean clothes and all that so he can come home..but his lawyer just didn't make me feel to good, but i know they do not want to give me any false hope, but really i think i could use the hope just to make it through they day... I appreciate all of your comments, you girls do not even know that this site is the only thing that gets me through the work day... I just have to much time to think here... And just when i thought things could not get worse, i got news this morning that both my Nana and my Papa have been in surgery all morning for heart complications... I mean damn if its not one thing it is another.. How they both got sick i will never know, but i am praying for their recovery as well. God bless all of you ladies and i will pray for all of you as well !!!! Thanks again.....

December 6, 2007

Well today is the day...Kinda feels like D-Day to me... i have prayed and prayed... now i just have to leave it all up to God... I am so nervous... I can't think.. I packed a bag with fresh clothes for him - hoping he gets to come home on house arrest or something.. I am a little worried i have not felt Baby Julian move to much today at all... my bladder has felt him once or twice, but no big kicks like usual.. i think he is nervous for daddy too ! Sherard made me cry last night... he kept saying how sorry he was for all this and how he never ment to leave Julian and I all alone, it breaks my heart because i know what kind of person he is and he doesn't cry to me, but i know inside he is or when we get off the phone he probably cries... Today i pray for strength and i pray that the Judge is in the Christmas spirit and well see my belly and have the heart to let him come home to see his son be born... Thanks everyone for all your comments and prayer... I wil let y'all know what happens soon.. I promise after this i will stop talking about him and only post about the baby.....

December 7, 2008

Well things didn't go well at all... He can't come home... and 15 years is what he is looking at(Maximum)... I am not sure i'll be on the website too much more.. I have just lost all hope and drive to live... I promise i will never hurt myself or do harm to the baby, but i really just feel like giving up.. Thats our sons whole life right there...I can't stand to work because all i see and hear about is people going to jail and it makes me think about my life... But i do thank god he is alive and we can write and talk on the phone some... I just have to keep reminding myself that 15 years is not that long ( Even though i'm only 20). God blees you all and good luck on your pregnancies !!!

January 31, 2008

Well i am 35 weeks pregnant and i am sOoOoO ready to have this baby... I am in desperate need of a vacation! I can't wait until my son gets here...I had an Ultrasound on 1/23/08 because my silly Doctor thought Julian was going to be too small because my tummy is measuring on the small side...Well thank God he was 5lb 2oz (34 weeks) and his head was measuring at 37 weeks (OMG...Say a prayer for me)Well the Doctor is going to induce me on February 22, 2008...So i only have 22 more days to go !! I am tired of people asking me what i'm having and when i'm due...I'm just ready for all of this to be over with !! Don't get me wrong, being pregnant is a wonderful thing...My son likes to push his butt out to one side and just sit like that (Its so cute)...like is in a hammock or something...But honestly the last 3 months have been hell for me emotionally, so i am just ready to have something to love on and be a mommy to!!! I really don't see how some people can have kids back to back...I think i would go nuts...I know for sure i will be waiting a good 5-6 years before i even think about having another baby !!

February 8, 2008

Ohhh Boy !!! I only have 13 days until my little Julian will be here...I have really been thinking too much lately, like wow i have 2 weekends left of Not being a mommy and then from here on out....I'LL be a mommy forever !!! Which is a wonderful thing, but just crazy to think that life won't be about me and what i want anymore! I know that i'm pregnant and there is a little baby growing inside of me, but i don't think it has really hit me yet that I AM GONNA HAVE A BABY...i know he is in there, but it just doesn't feel real !! I thank the Lord that he blessed me with a child... and i am finally on the count down !! Feels good to be almost done.....Godd luck to all the mommies-to-be and the ones still trying !!! Everything will take place in due time, not always when we want it !!!