okay so yesterday i went to my first doctors appt. well i heard the

 babies heartbeat omg it was just amazing to know that my lil baby

 is really in there it dodnt seem rea until yesterday. well my sister

 came with me and she recoreded it on her phone and i made 

everyone listen to it. i got my prenatal vitamins. i have my 

first ultrasound on friday because they think i maight be further 

along then 15 weeks. i hope i get to find out what the baby is that 

would be so awesome. i dont know why but i think that im having 

a girl i could be wrong but for some reasone i keep thing girl. well

 when the lady was taking my blood the baby was just movin around

 and i was so scared to tell the lady cause she had a fuckin needle in y arm lol.

Aug 16 2007

yeah so ive been thinking lately everyone wants me to have a boy but

 i dont think its a boy i think its a girl i know i could be wrong but 

thats what i think and i kninda want a girl really bad.i have two lil bothers

 and those are my lil men and i think that if i was to have a boy they

 would get jelous plus i have never taken care of a lil girl and that 

would be new to me. two of my friends had a dreams that i was having 

a boy and i had a dream that i went to the ultrasound and they told me 

it was a boy. i really want to have a girl! well i just wanted to write about it.

Aug 17th 2007

Today is the first time im going to see my baby i have my first ultrasound 

today nd im so excited its finally kicking in that a baby is really on the 

way. today i was thinking about bringing them home and what its going

 to be like. im not bringing home my lil brother or sister im finally going

 to be bringing home my own baby. i just cant wait to meet my angel. 

i cant wait to see them on the ultrasound today hopefully ill find out if 

its a boy or a girl .. well have a great day ladies... 

AUG 17 2007

WELL ITS 11 AT NIGHT AND I HAD MY ULTRASOUND... AMAZING I MUST

 SAY I HAVE NO IDEA IF ITS A BOY OR GIRL I JUST FOUND OUT HOW FAR

 ALONG I AM 16 WEEKS AND 6 DAYS YAY I KNEW I WAS JUST ABOUT

 17 WEEKS ! well im going to lay with my precious baby now good night...

Aug 20, 2007

Today I went for another doctors appointment I heard the heart beat 

again and I was scheduled for another ultrasound.. the one that I get 

to find out if my baby's a boy or a girl! im so excited i just cant wait!

 so my next ultrasound is Sept 4,2007. The doctor said everythings 

alright. ive been extra moody lately i could sware im having a girl. 

I'm a bitch but I'm never this bitchy ! i asked the doctor is a womens 

maternal instinct usually right and he said yeah most likely and that 

makes me happy cause that would be awesome if im right .. well thats 

about it for now.

Aug 26, 2007

My baby has been moving around alot. I find out the sex in 9 days I am super excited I just cant wait. she or he is moving around right now as i write.I'm in love with my child and thier not here yet.

Aug 27, 2007

So im 18 weks and 2 days today i have just about 7 days left until i get to see what the sex of my baby is and its driving my crazy i have to know. i could be wrong but i think its a girl. Ill be happy either way but ive got myself all excited about a lil girl ive had a hard time thinking of a girls name until recently if its a girl i want to name her Annabella.

Aug 31, 2007

Tomorrow I will be 19 weeks. I have only 4 days left until i find out if the baby's a boy or a girl.Tom and I are having some issues with money I'm going to have go get a job and pretty much save everything i make in oreder to get a place before the baby is born. im so nerous that everythings not going to come together and i feel terrible for my precious child. I have nothing for them and I feel like im the only one who will stand up and do what i have to do. well thats about it.wish me luck all.

Sept. 2, 2007

Today my mom told my dad about the baby. he was very mad and upset. He came here and talked to Tom. He told him that we have to either get married or give the baby up for adoption. I'm 20 years old I can make upmy own mind as to what i want to do.i do not want to get married and then hate tom because we got married because we have a child i am more prepared to have a child then i am to get married and there is not way in hell that im giving my baby up, i know that will be something that i will regret for the rest of my life. I want an apartment thast all i want im getting really frustrated that Tom thinks that is not nessisary. ahh 2 more days til i find out.

Wednesday, 10 Oct

things have been crazy latly im getting huge and the baby is kicking like crazy, im enjoying being pregannt very much its great to have him all to myslef. things with my boyfriend and are are good one second and bad the next. he refuses to do anything grown up. he spends all his money on stupid shit nothin is saved and his mother has handed him everything but now that we need money al of a sudden she needs him to pay her back so its that much harder to get a place, she just wants us to stay here and im not staying here. i think im going to end up alone because i refuse to stay here. i love him so much we've lived and been together for the past year and half and ive fallin asleep next to him and wolkin up next to him everyday for that amount of time and now im not going to be able to do that and its tareing me apart.i dont want tom to miss all of the wonderful things im going to experience with the baby.everything is just a mess!

Tuesday, 16 Oct

Everyday things just seem to get more and more difficult. Now Toms mom is givin him problems about money, the women hands him everything teachs him nothing and makes life so easy for him and then pulls it all out from underneath him when he needs her the most. we have to get everything together before the baby gets here but all she can think about is herself and money instead of helping her son get his life together. im going to try and get a job one of my close friends said she would hire me so i thinkim going to have to take her up on that offer not like i can wrk long anyways i can only work maybe 2 maybe 3 months not even. i dont know how we're going to do this im so frustrated. okay yeah so anyways besides that i went to the doctor last week it was terrible i come to find out they left a message last month with one of toms parents and they didnt give me the message . i was supposed to go in for anoter ultrasound cause theres a spot in the babys heart and they need to examine it further. so because they didnt give me the message i have to wait until nov to go and check it out cause there booked until then ooooh im so mad!

Thursday, 25 Oct

Well.. everything sucks i need some one to talk to and Tom just isnt there for me if anything he makes it worse. i dont even feel like i can talk to anyone else because i just want to cry and i have nothing possitive to say. Everyone has thier own problems and they dont need to hear about mine. i just feel like tom is supposed to be there for me we're in this together but i feel so alone more then ever i hate this! im so nervous about the baby i feel like nothing wil be together before he gets here and it just feels like im failing already.ahhhhh i dont know i cant even putinto words how i feel right now im so lost upset and lonely i hope ill be able to sleep because as of right now im not goin to sleep. its 12:45am and im wide awake! well im gonna go try to lay down good night

Monday, 29 Oct

I cant believe it! this pregnancy is going by so fast i feel like im goin to be a mommy so soon! all these feelings seem to be comin at me so fast i cant even believ it its so real yet so unbelieveable at the same time I always knew i was going to be a mother I have dreamt of the day i would become a mom ever since i was a child. i have always been the one who runs right over and picks up the baby whenever there is one i love children. This pregancy wasnt planned but I so excited to meet my lil man everything is about him all the choices i make everything i never thought it would be so easy to quit smoking. I heard his heartbeat and that did it, i couldnt light up another one. i feel terrible that i didnt quit sooner though. unfortuanatly theres nothing i can do abou that. im terrified to be a mom and thrilled, but worried that i wont have what he needs. i know i wont be able to give him everything that he'll want but hopefully that will teach him to appreciate everything that he has and not to take things for granted. im hopefully that I can teach him to be a strong and good man and not a bitch boy. i hope that he loves me even if i have to be mean to him to teach him a lesson. well all i love my baby boy and i cant wait until the day ill remember always, the day of his birth the day we'll celebrate always.

Friday, 2 Nov

All though things are no where near being good im feeling good today im tired but in a good mood im hopeing that doesnt change. its been so long since ive just been happy. i get to see my lil man on tuesday im so excited. Tom and I are finally trying to pick out names together that makes me so happy its taking him alil bit to come around but hes comin...he just caught up with an old friend yesterday and he just had a baby on oct 18 a lil girl so im hoping that tom will see that its not so terrible to be a daddy. i think hes just scared and doesnt want to grow up cause hes so spoiled. well i guess we will see how things turn out i hope things urn out better then i expect.

Thursday, 15 Nov

i moved back into my parents house on tuesday. alot better then i expected. i have to get a plan set out though cause my dads worried that im not going to be able to get it together and he wants me to have a plan. so i have to work on setting up goals. well wish me luck hopefully the stress im under wont effect the baby but i feel alot less stressed out living back at home im glad my parents are treating me like an adult and not talkin down to me about all this i know im dad is very disappointed because i dont have it together and im having a kid, but hes actually talking to me now and hes not being mean so im happy.

Thursday, 13 Dec

okay so i havent updated in awhile. ive been super busy babysitting for one of my friends to get some extra cash. im so beat from that. i found out im inimic( i dont know how to spell it) after i asked the nurses time and time again if my iron was low because ive felt like shit and been super tired. so anyways im so tired of being preggo. my hands and feet are swollen, my belly is huge, my lil man is getting so big that when he stretchs it hurts me so bad, i have to pee all the time and i cant even see my 'area' anymore. ugh i have so much more to complain about but im sure everyone is feelin just about the same so ill quit. but anyways yeah heartburn too and to top it off i got a cold i feel like shit. But good thing Tom and I are doing alot better well maybe not alot better but better i think its finally starting to kick in that hes going to be a daddy. Its finally really kickin in for me too actually. i see tom with all these lil kids lately and hes so good with them i know hell be a good dad i think hes just scared and he should be a lil person is about to run our lives lol so anyways hope alll you ladies are feelin good and takin care <3

Tuesday, 18 Dec

As of Dec 15,2007 i am engaged to Tommy <3 i was in such shock. he has always said that he doesnt think about getting married and then he just pulls out a ring i was like 'WHAT?'. im super happy. it was our 1 year and 9 months exactly ive felt married to him for so long already but now it just feels so real. im so in love with my asshole! it really feels like we're going to be a family it hasnt until now im very happy.i go to the doctor on thursday and i guess we'll see how the baby's doin hes so big!

Now on a more negative note: my lil sister Olivia is in the hospital she has bronciolidis poor baby has been in the hospital since sat morn. my poor mom has only left the hospital once to come home and shower she wont leave olivia there and i cant blame her. we're hoping that she'll be able to come home today but I dont know im waiting for the call from my momma to tell me whats going on. my lil brothers are missin my mom andso is my sister and I. so anyways please keep my baby sister in your prayers ladies<3

Wednesday, 26 Dec

Its comin close now and im becoming more and more excited i have my shower in a lil less then 2 weeks and im thrilled i just cant wait! i get to wash all his clothes i have already and get them al set up for him i just cant wait im so excited! i cant wait to meet this lil person i just wanna kiss him all over and be able to tell him how much i love him and hold himin my arms other then my belly. im so looking foward to being a momma!

Wednesday, 9 Jan

IM ON COUNTDOWN!!! hes comin im so nervous and excited all at the same time im just trying to get it all together before he gets here and i just hope everything goes well i cant wait to see his precious lil face!

Sunday, 20 Jan