birthmothernikkole's profile

birthmothernikkole
birthmothernikkole has 6 days to go and is now in week 39
	Age: 20 Country: US Province/region: Pennsylvania City: Elizabethtown Partner: Boyfriend Brandon Children: Pregnant: Yes Due date: 18 May ,2008 Occupation: College Student
	Online: 1 hours ago. Last updated: 2 days ago. Member since: 170 days
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Hello! Well, my name is Nikkole (o: I'm 20 years old and a Junior at Elizabethtown College. I'm a Social Work major and proud of it!! My boyfriend ”the â€śbaby daddy" aka Brandon and I have been together since my freshman year in college (02/17/06)!

Things back home have always been bad, so I moved out the summer of '06 and actually moved in with Brandon and his family. I don't speak to my family--other than my birth father who I just have reconnected with since I turned 18 and the restraining order my mother put on him was taken away.

I was actually on birth control pills when I conceived, but everything happens for a reason, so here we are. Sadly, we are in no shape to truly support our baby. Although I would love to keep him, and REALLY wish I could, it is smarter to allow them to have a better life with people who have the ability to provide everything he. I opted out of the abortion route--which my boyfriend initially thought of--and I have decided to have an open adoption. (Personally, I need to have it open. I need to make sure I picked the right family, that my baby is safe/happy/loved.)

I'm not sure yet as to how open to make the adoption though-- I've talked to people who have decided to have visits with their child, and I have talked to people who have actually had the adoptions and decided to not see the child until he/she is ready. I understand both. All I am sure of is that I want to have pictures and letters from at least the AP. If anyone has any experience with this, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE drop me a line and let me know what you did/how you liked/disliked it!!!

A few things I read in one of the books my AMAZING Social Worker gave me called 'Given in Love'.

-To remember is painful. To forget is impossible.

-There will probably be times when you need to let your tears flow. Crying is not breaking down, it's breaking into tears. Crying is a gentle melting. Don't hold your tears back if you need to cry. Don't be afraid that if you start to cry you won't stop.

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Comments 1-25 of about 177 to birthmothernikkole
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cali.momma - 1.8 hours ago
stilllll no ryllie???

winnowillr - Friday, 9 May
www.openadoptioninsight.org/birth_mother.htm
There's the website that will give you information on Birth Mother's Day... It was really neat to read! I cried, but it was a good cry....
That's awesome that all the little rememberances from the hospital will be yours! We are having 2 birth certificates with footprints made up, but never even thought of the little things like who gets the baby hat and stuff.... I was thinking of getting a white recieving blanket and having the footprints placed in a corner, so I had something I could hold when I think of the little pumpkin.
I'm glad she suggested finding someone else going through the same thing... It really has been helpful to have you to talk to! It's nice to know we're not alone, isn't it? And just think, without this site, we would both have felt so alone.
Went to the doctor today, and NO CHANGES!!!! I'm getting so frustrated and disapointed. I actually had tears in my eyes when the doctor left the room. I know you understand... I love this child, but am more than ready to have it over with. I've had enough of the aches and pains and the pressure and cramps... Sleep is the only relief I get anymore!
Well, hun, you take care.... It will be a bumpy road, but we will both get through this!
-Winnie

Mommy2twogreatkids - Thursday, 8 May
Thank you hun, I cried reading your comment. I can tell how much you honestly love him. Keep your head held high and rejoice in the fact you will still get to see him, touch him, and know him in some form. You are so blessed and I know he will continue to bless you in the years ahead.

IVYELLEN - Thursday, 8 May
thanks so much!
ive looked everywhere and the only jeans ive found in 0 were 120$!!
so it makes me feel better to know that i should be ok :)

cali.momma - Thursday, 8 May
ugh i HATE you!! hah. ive wanted to go bowling the past month or so, but no one wants to go with me! and im definately NOT going on my own. im not lame like that ahah.

i go tomorrow to the doctors :[ i hate going. when i think about the doctors, i cry now. i dont know why. i think im going insane or something lol. like sitting here thinking about it makes my stomach hurt :/

cali.momma - Thursday, 8 May
heyy. hows everything holding up over there?

winnowillr - Wednesday, 7 May
Doc says he won't let me go over a week overdue because of the GD, but we'll see. He doesn't like to do inductions unless it's last resort. All my other kids were 2 weeks overdue, so I'm feeling discouraged. I see the doc tomorrow, so hopefully will find out more.
I'm getting really hormonal and cranky and irritable and scared... I just want to lock myself in the bedroom and tell everyone to just go away. I never remember feeling like this before.... I just hope it's over soon!
Well, girl, you have yourself a very Happy Birthday!! And on Mother's Day, too!
I talked to my pregnancy counselor today, and she told me that May 10th is Birth Mother's Day... I never heard of this before. Did you know it even existed? She is supposed to send me paperwork on the history. May 10th is both my due date, AND the adoptive Mom's birthday, too. Wouldn't that be cool?
You take care, hun... Hopefully we'll be there soon.
-Winnie

Mommy2twogreatkids - Wednesday, 7 May
I came across your page today and I admire you greatly for your decision. My mom had a son at the young age of 15 and placed him up for adoption. The only thing is back then you were totally put to sleep. She did not know if he lived or died, what sex the baby was, or where they would be going.

When I was 11 years old the phone rang one night. It was him. He had looked through records which were opened when he turned 18. He found my grandparents who lived in the same place all those years and they gave him our information.

We finally met him and to my surprise we look so much alike. We are family B ( birth) his adoptive family he called Family A. They were so wonderful to him and he has had a great life. He is now a doctor and has 4 kids of his own.

Good luck to you both and your little guy. I just know the decision you have made will bless your life. If more people decided to have adoptions instead of abortions or neglecting unwanted children I believe this world would be a better place for children!

samlib - Tuesday, 6 May
wow!! 15 thats awesome! my friend was the same with her boy but with her girl gained like me... prob 30!
Mara is measuring small in her abdomen so i go on monday to see if she caught up in the last 3 weeks... hope she did..
wow so he willbe here SOON!!! how's school going? are you going to try to finish then? i hope you can!!
good luck! and stay in touch!! tam~~

samlib - Tuesday, 6 May
wow!! he will be here soon!!
and you gained hardly anything! you're lucky!!
how do you feel?
hope all is well for you!!! tam~

winnowillr - Monday, 5 May
I know how you feel about those contractions.... Did they say they were braxton hicks, or pre labor contractions?? I had some last night every 10 minutes apart for 6 hours... Then they just STOPPED!! Enough is enough... I'm done. I'm so frustrated I could cry. All my kids were 2 weeks overdue... I can't do that again! The Doc better at least talk about inducing if I make it to my next appointment. Sorry I'm grumpy, but I'm sure you understand. :)

cali.momma - Sunday, 4 May
god i hate that! its freaky! lol. everytime they tell me to go to the er theyre 3 to 5 mins for me. hurts like a MOFO! ughh. since 25 weeks theyve stayed at 15 mins apart, but the past few days theyve been about 10 to 12. so maybe she will come soon too :D but i want to see little ryllie already!!

cali.momma - Sunday, 4 May
omg! it would be sooo cute if you got them from the middle/side of your back crawling up and ending up like on the other side of your shoulder blade. if that made sense ahah

cali.momma - Sunday, 4 May
heh. but SOOOO worth the money. i cant wait to get mine :D its guna be cute. im thinking of getting it on my inner elbow. not sure on size, but not massive, because of jobs and such.

cali.momma - Sunday, 4 May
ohhh yeah!! totally forgot about thattt! when are you gunna get them??

cali.momma - Sunday, 4 May
hah. tattoo pain is definately different than these pains. im getting a baby giraffe tattooed for her. are you going to get a tattoo for ryllie?

cali.momma - Sunday, 4 May
blehh :[ do you feel like youre going to go soon? are you dilating at all or anything yet?

cali.momma - Saturday, 3 May
so should i take a wild guess and say you had him??

winnowillr - Saturday, 3 May
Ok... I'm worried about you, hun!!! Let me know you and baby are home from ultrasound, safe and all is well.... I will be praying for you!

winnowillr - Friday, 2 May
I've also been busy and dealing with nonpregnancy related stuff. I had to get my youngest enrolled in kindergarten. And now my oldest is being a pain in the bum teenager! He's not completing his assignments at school, and just has had a poor attitude. I don't think it's related to my upcoming birth, cuz he's gone through this many times before, it's becoming a pattern. Well, I've had enough! I set up an IEP for school, and am taking him to Community Mental Health for an intake today. Enough is enough! An attempt to teach him work ethics failed the other day. We sent him out to rake the front lawn. He stood there screaming and crying "Just kill me! I want to die!" What's a Mom to do?!??!
I'm sorry your parents are making this time difficult for you. Do they understand how this is impacting your emotions right now? It's scary to think you may owe that much money when it should be covered!!! And whatever you may think, you are not missing your last days with Ryllie... He's still there.. You're aware of him, and you love him just as much even if you are upset. It's ok to cry.. Just rub your precious son in your belly when the tears come and take comfort in knowing you are creating a miracle!
Well, I went to the OB yesterday... The estimate baby is weighing 8 lbs already!!!! And no signs of labor! Whoh... I've only gained 6 pounds, so where did this come from?!?!??! My other kids were big, too, but I gained a LOT with my other pregnancies. So this took me by surprise. I just hope the doc doesn't let babe get over 9 lbs. I delivered a 9lb 8oz baby, and her shoulders got stuck. They had to break her clavicle bone to get her out. I pray history doesn't repeat itself!
Well, you take care hun, and hope to hear from you soon! Keep me updated!!! I'm getting sooo excited and scared at the same time... I'm ready to be done, but will miss my little sunshine so much....
-Winnie

cali.momma - Friday, 2 May
hah okay :]

cali.momma - Thursday, 1 May
does your social worker come to the hospital aswell? i have NO idea how it works lol. and its interesting to me. i like to learn new things :P heh. are you going to take pictures of him and such? i hope i wont become one of those obsessive picture takers lol. like snapping 50 pics a day of the same pose. thats annoying hahah

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