My profile

I am a 36 year old Mommy with 2 little boys. My husband and I have been married for 16 years. We live in Illinois.

My first son is 8. He was conceived when I was 26 and I had him when I was 27. We got pregnant on the first try with him. It was a wonderful feeling. He was premature at 35 weeks. We stayed in NICU for 1 week and then we were able to go home with our little bundle of Joy.

We then tried to have another baby for 2 years. Unsuccessful at that attempt! Our doctor then put us on the lowest dose of clomid as our tests to see how we both were came out fine. On the 2nd round of clomid we got pregnant with our 2nd child. We told everyone when we were 10 weeks along. We were finally elated. At 13.5 weeks I didn't feel very good and my back was hurting so we went in to have a check on things. We then found that our little miracle had died. I had a D&C the next day. My heart was broken.

2.5 months after the D&C we were able to get pregnant again. What a wonderful feeling not using clomid. I was then 32 when I had my 2nd son. What a litte miracle after trying for so long & every month being so sad. I was elated!!! I went into premature labor at 32 weeks and then again at 34 weeks. I went on bedrest for a month and then the little bundle did not come until 39 weeks. He was absolutely perfect and had a few qualities of my dad which I love!!! He just turned 4.

We then started trying for our 3rd child. We went 1.5 years and then the Dr. put us on clomid again. Me scared to death since the last miscarriage we had was on clomid. We did it anyways. The 2nd cycle I got pregnant. What a miracle, but I was still scared to death. Well, 13 weeks came and went and then 14 weeks. We then told all of our family and friends at 14 weeks. At 16 weeks, we went in for our normal Dr. appt. and found there was no heartbeat. I was totally devestated. I hurried my 2 little boys out of the room (our babysitter fell through that day and so we had to take them with us). I totally was surprised. We had waited so long to tell to make sure everything was okay. The Dr. said it was too risky for me to do a D&C with my bleeding history so he induced me at 7:00 a.m. 2 days later. Well, what was supposted to take 3-4 hours and at max 24 hours ended up taking 66 hours. It just made everything even worse. The oncall Dr. did some really painful and different procedures to finally get me dilated. at 1:57 a.m. 6/14/09 I had a beautiful baby boy with all his body parts just fine. His feet & hand prints are awesome. He died because he twisted his cord about 5 times really tight by his belly button. I could understand if it was a chromosonal problem, but it wasn't. I just couldn't believe it. I was devestated all over again.

We buried our little Seth the next day 6/15/09. We are still looking for a headstone. His little coffin was so hard and sad to see sitting there. I was proud to have my mom and dad, my Mother & Father-IN-law, my sister-in-law, and my 2 little boys there with us.

I really do want another baby sometime. I would like to start earlier rather than waiting due to the fact that I am 36 and it takes me forever to get pregnant. I pray to God everyday to give me another little miracle. I love little boys and would love to have a whole house full of them, but if I get a girl that would be great too. I really don't care. It is hard for me to see pregnant women right now. I have 2 friends who were due 2 days before me and 2 days after me. It will be hard to see them and watch them grow and enjoy their babies, but they also have had trouble conceiving and so they really do deserve it.

I try not to complain because that is really not in my nature. I am a pretty positive person and would love to see the best for everyone. I am so blessed because I have 2 precious boys and am blessed with an awesome husband who loves for me to be at home with our 2 blessings. I am a totally lucky women and even though I miss my 2 babies that Iost, I still feel blessed in knowing they are in heaven above with the Heavenly Father. God is good and will not give me more than I can handle (hopefully). God's blessing to all of you!

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