blissgirl9
	Age: 37 Country: Province/region: City: Partner: Yes Children: Yes, 1 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation: HR/Recruiter
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 71 days ago. Member since: 324 days
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My content disappeared before, so I'm putting this in under protest! I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and don't ovulate or have regular cycles. I never ever was pregnant, even though I didn't use birth control with a long term boyfriend. I was focused on college, work, travel and life. Then I hit 35 and I started thinking more about having kids. I always just imagined I would get married and then worry about babies, but then I started to think I might never get married-or if I do, I'll be too old to have babies. To top it off, at a Dr. visit, I was told that it would be quite difficult for me to conceive and that if I wanted to have a baby in six months, I should expect to be trying for at least a year. And time kept on ticking. Finally, at 36, I convinced my boyfriend that we should try a little earlier than we had really wanted-I was already on glucophage for the PCOS. I quit my big corporate job, drinking wine & coffee and started taking folic acid, omega 3 and daily women vitamins. The Dr. gave me clomid (100mg), estrodial and procheive (gross progesterone cream you take vaginally-DON'T let your Dr. give you this-it is EXPENSIVE and now there are pills that you can take that are much better unless you are allergic to peanuts-prometrium). The first two months, nothing except a regular cycle. Then Dr. upped my clomid to 150mg and I conceived. After an early scare with no heartbeat, a huge freakout by my boyfriend and a lot of worry because of my age (now 37), all is starting to CALM down, especially me. Baby is fine, I am fine and boyfriend is coming around-although if he freaks out again-I know I can handle it. Now I am simply overjoyed about nesting and planning the nursery and researching obsessively about bad plastics in bottles and all the strollers out there and finding de-cals for the walls of the nursery. My parents are overjoyed, they never thought I would have a baby. And my friends are so supportive, and I am lucky that so many of them have had children and can show me through the wild maze that is Baby's-R-Us. I also am lucky enough to be able to work from home and have a supportive boss/friend that is also a mother because having to go back to a corporate job at this point would be just crazy-I couldn't deal with being away from my baby so much. I love this website-it is so great to be able to connect and hear everyone's different stories. I don't worry that I don't feel pregnant, because I'm not the only one. I feel lucky that I didn't have m/s, because I am one of the only ones. No matter what it is, I can find someone to relate to and I'm glad ya'll are here with me!

My baby girl, Callista Josephine Sutton Boyd (at this point-although some of my friends call her CJ, which is not my favorite), is, according the doctors, looking perfect. Which of course, is music to a mother's ears. I have been settling into my new house and trying to make things nice, which is unusual for me since I have been such a wandering gypsy for the past twenty years. My boyfriend and I were long distance for over 2 yrs, lived together briefly, and now live apart but are trying to figure things out. It is kind of like starting out dating all over again, except we are also having a baby. So kind of not!! I have decided to simply do the best that I can do for me and the baby, and if he wants to join in on the ride, so be it, if not, then I guess that he'll have to figure that out. I am tired of expecting things of others when I know that I can only expect of myself. Motherhood has sort of had some spiritual affect on me. I feel acceptance flowing through me, and peace with the world. Of course I also feel great terror, carrying around this precious child inside of me, and hoping that I will be able to be all that she needs to grow strong in all ways in this ever changing world. The hormones have only really made me cry like a baby everytime at the silliest things on t.v. Everytime Baby Story babies are born, I tear up. When I see a mother have to leave a child on t.v., I cry. For no reason, sometimes I cry. But I don't really feel sad, I just let my emotions out. After trying to get pregnant and really believing that I might never be a mother (because of my syndrome and because my relationships haven't yet led to marriage and because finally time was really starting to tick)-and feeling so worried about it for so long, the actual pregnancy has been a dream. I don't really show, because I had actually gained weight in my last job and then when my bf and I started trying, we were both working out regularly, so I lost about 30lbs, and so now I think I am still actually "slimmer" than before I was pregnant-but I feel the belly and certainly the way some of my clothes fit is off. The first time I felt my baby kick, I couldn't believe it. It took a long time, it was only a few weeks ago, and now I feel her all the time, my little companion who lets me know she is there. I am almost afraid of how much I will love her. It is also strange trying to plan my life beyond April. I have been such a planner. But now, I feel like I have no idea who I will be or how I will be after she is born. It's like a white space. I did join a tennis team that starts in mid May, but the team has women with teenage daughters who have sweetly offered to babysit for me during matches. It is a beautiful thing to have your motherhood embraced by the community. I am still running around on the courts as before and no one would know I was more than half-way through the pregnancy. It is also amazing to be able to express these thoughts about first-time motherhood here, where we all have motherhood in common.

Now that Mabry Amada Sutton is here, I can't imagine life without her. She is beautiful and amazing. My boyfriend is in love with both of us and was amazing through my recovery from the c-section and complications and caring for her. I am still figuring out how life works with a baby, but am excited for every moment that I have with her and getting to see her grow and change-she's already over 9lbs! This site was amazing to help me get through pregnancy.