I might be 5 weeks pregnant but...

I still don't know.. I hope im not though .. well it's because i want to finish my college first.. Money is not the problem.. it's my fear that what if the father is not with us anymore?? how am i suppose to give my child a good future without a diploma?? But i admit!! i really wished for this but as i think ahead i become more confused..

Anyway, i had my pt and it was negative.. i just hope it will always be the result until im ready.. but if my period won't come this september.. then.. fine! maybe i am.. it's so exciting but i have to quit being emotional and childish right now.. i have to think ahead.. no babies for now.. after 5 years.. it will be perfect.. babies deserve the best from their fetus months until their grown up years..

Ok.. time for my reasons if you don't agree with me.. My bf.. he works abroad and visits me thrice a year.. yup! ony 3 times a year!! December 26 up to the last quarter of January.. Last quarter of April up to the first week of May and October just for a week.. Well.. That's life.. I had a problem with my family.. And now im living alone with my bf's support.. My mother made me suffer and he was there to save me from everything!! But geez! I met him because of my mom.. Well i thank her for that.. anyway she will always be my mother and i still love her but i don't know if she loves me more than money..?? huh? well that's why i have this outlook.. I don't want to be like my mother.. i want to be able to feed my kids using my own money even as single mom or with support or whatever.. i want to support my kids until they're in legal age..That's why.. even if it so exciting to have a baby.. i have to wait.. wait and wait until im 26.. btw, im 18 as you can see above.. wish me luck mothers! for this is for the future of one of the future builders..

Oh no!

yesterday.. my period started!! And now.. im bloody!! I feel OUCHY!! Oh dear, my lower abdomen feels terrible cramps and i feel backache too.. and before the bleeding i felt some contractions.. what is this?? 14 days late period or MISCARRIAGE??

What is this!?

ok.. just after i typed what you read above.. i checked my napkin and geez! so full and i've seen something yellowish and an inch sized yellowish or whitish tissue.. Oh dear?? what is this?? and some clotty things here.. and my cramps are getting worse!!

how sad for this baby if ever..

i can feel how this lunar eclipse affects the gravity of my emotions right now.. it's so... OUCHY! physically and emotionally..