Hey,

My name is Nadege so far I'm 20wks and 5 days along. We're having a boy and I'm very excited; actually I'm going thru every emotion in the book!What can I say, I'm an emotional wreck! I love my baby but hate being pregnant. I live on an AF base in the dorms and just put a deposit on an apartment yesterday. Our move-in date is the 6th of Feb. Its my first apartment and I think its pretty nice it has a fireplace, washer and dryer, dishwasher and single car garage. I'm really nervous about bringing another life into this world. I hope everything turns out ok I know my BF will be a great Father and hopefully I'll be a great mom too.

February 11

just moved into the new apartment and so far everythings honky dory. we don't have any furniture yet besides an air mattress and a television, hopefully mid march well be all settled in and the only thing we'll need to worry about will be the baby.

March 18

Everything not running as smoothly as last month mainly work and relationship issues and right now I'm looking to the future and hoping for better days. . Darius is fine he's having little adventures in my belly and always kicking!! My weight as of yesterday is 151 thats 30 pds I've gain so far!!

March 24

Wow!! I am so close to coming to term its scary!! I'm 32 weeks and counting. Two days ago I got the best compliment and pregnant mom can recieve. . . I don't look pregnant from the back!! yuppie!! thats less weight I have to loose. I'm at work right now on lunch jus talk to the father of my child where still working on our relationship trust isn't their anymore but were trying . in a coupla weeks, mid april, we should have Darius's room or half room set up. we've decide or actually he did to put the baby's crib in our room which I'm fine with I guess he's gotten used to his stuff being in the second room and not ready to give that up.

Lately I've been thinking about getting a second job after I give birth because I don't make enough to support myself and the baby. The father's a huge help but seems like we're gonna need that third paycheck coming in. It's hard to budget for a baby when you barely make enough to cover the cost of daycare. I am sure everything''ll be jus fine little rough at first but we'll get through it.

March 26

I've been thinking over the first coupla weeks when I found out I was pregnant. It was when I went on leave to florida I was about 2-3 weeks along and my breast grew a bit my cousins where telling me how big they wore but I thought nothing of it. that was my first week on vacation around 1-7 of september, also during that week I was getting cramps because I was supposed to get my period on the 11th but I didn't. My pregnant friend who was 8 months said maybe I was pregnant, jokingly I said maybe as well ( although I was a little excited at the thought.).

I came back from leave on the 14th and I was not feeling well. By then I am 4 wks and 6 days pregnant.I was feeling tired, my stomach was doing flips, I was tired and had a slight fever. I tell my boyfriend I'm not feeling well and I might be pregnant.

I buy a pregnancy test, I take both and they come out positive. my boyfriend freaks out and start acting like a total fool. We start arguing I throw him out. He comes back apologizes says he's happy and knows we'll have a beautiful baby because I'm beautiful. Calls his mom and family tells them he's gonna be a father and the whole nine yards.

A day or two later he comes at me with the same shit because he doesn't believe I'm pregnant. He wants me to take another test, I do this time at a doctors office offbase( I live at an Air Force base) and it comes out positive. I schedule an appointment with the clinic on base and take a blood test, that also comes out positive. I tell my boyfriend who still doesn't believe that I'm pregnant because I didn't show him my test results?! O.K. whatever, I pull them out my car show him the one I got from the civilian doctor and my military doctor too.

After it got through to him that I was indeed pregnant, he started really getting on my nerves even more because first he wanted to have the baby then, he wasn't sure. for about a month leading upto my first appointment. Every other week it was something else he wanted the baby then, he didn't. we kept fighting on and off to the point where one week before my first appointment I broke it off. I said I'm tired of you not knowing what you want because that puts a whole lot of stress on me, you don't have a say so anymore its my baby I'm going to keep it. Next day I called him he came over and we made up. What can I say I missed him.

At the appointment I was 9 wks preggo and we got an ultrasound it was the cutest little thing I've ever seen I was so excited, so was he. Now fast forward to even more heartaches, break-ups, disappointments, joy and excitement of our relationship and arrive here at 32 wks and 4 days pregnant.

March 28

I've been working 12hr days since tuesday which really sucks, I hate being in the military because its not like I get paid overtime for extra hours.

Monday I have my doc apoointment, thank god it feels like its been forever even though my last appointment was last week!

March 30

Todays a sunday and tomorrow is my last day working 12hrs than back to my normal 8hrs. I wish it was my last day working period, but whatever. Nothing new is going on except that my bf just put in his B.O.P. and if he got it he says when he reenlists and change base I might be able to come with him with the baby and we wouldn't have to get married to do so. Don't know how I feel about that, I mean I don't want to get married now either and if he would have asked I would have said no but it would have been sweet if he'd asked or made some kind of gesture that says 'Hey I love you, your the only one for me.' I don't get that from him or an I love you. Sometimes the hardest part of being in our relationship is feeling so strongly for him and not getting that in return.

April 7, 2008

Today I'm 34 wks and 2 days preggo.Nothing much going on it's getting harder and harder for me to sleep I'm up alnight rolling around. The other day I went to my childbirth it was very informational and alittle scary! My bf wasn't there because he was working, that bummed me out a little. He's getting his T.V. thats he's been moaning about this week, yay!! I'm not really thrilled because that means his friends will come over more often, no more walking around half naked for me. . .

April 14

Just got back from my doc appt everything so far is fine. i measured at 35 cm, i'm right where i should be so thats good. Okay i won't be able to come with my BF when he changes his Air Force base, thats fine i didn't really want to come anyways. i sometimes feel that our whole relationship is pointless beyond having a kid together theres nothing there. I wouldn't want a long distance relationship any ways, he doesn't love me and I wouldn't be able to trust him to be faithfull. I need a man who loves and wants to be with me that treats me like the queen I am.

April 19,

Its a saturday I'm 36 weeks haven't done much of anything but work this week. I had my baby shower last week and I still need to look for thank you cards and get a gift for the host .My baby is doing fine kicking like crazy but thats okay. God the weeks are going by so fast. My birthday is coming up I hope my BF gets me somthing nice he's sort of lacking in the romance department so I'm a little worried especially since our anniversary is coming up after that hopefully I'll have my body looking nice enough to fit a size 2 dress and some lingere. . I don't know whats wrong with me maybe I want too much when it comes to relationships or the hormones

April 27

Hey nothing much going on so far just waiting for lil darius to come 19 more days to go. I see my doctor in two days hopefully she has some good news for me like i'm dilated or something. Still not getting half days i hate work.

April 30

Finally on half days , starting next week at 38 weeks what a bummer. Guess I'm going to be working until lil Darius is born, sometimes I do hate the military. Tomorrows my Bday My BF is not gonna be here cause he'll be working, he left today and won't be back until Saturday morning thats 3 days away he's gonna miss his Bday as well which is a day after mine. Yesterday, I went to my doc. appt. hoping for some good news. no such luck even though the baby sits low on my stomach, he has not yet engaged, I'm not diluated, havent lost my mucous plug and no contractions. The Doc says the baby is a good size, but I'm not so she put me on a low sodium diet, no added salt. I've never been on a diet before would not know were to start, hell Ive already cheated and not even a day into it! I'll try to cut back on what i eat or drank more water.

May 3 12:18 A.M.

In a coupla hours my BF will be returning. I got him a cake for his birthday that was yesterday and candles that said 23 even though he's 26( we joked about his age weeks earlier)! I plann on making him a steak dinner with mashed potatoes or herbed potatoes and green beans or baked beans , i haven't decided. I don't know why I'm up so late its probably gonna mess me up in the morning when i got to cook for my baby. oh my weight was 157 earler this week when i went to the doc, jus had to through that out their. Wow 14 more days until lil Darius is introduce into this world, I've never been so in love with a person I've never met before, well kinda never met he has been inside me for 38 wks now.

11:36 P.M.

My day didn't go as planned , and I'm just gonna leave it at that . but once again i am left with the feeling of not liking my BF, I'm tired of all the stuff we 've been going thru and jus wanna call it quits, lets see if i actually do leave this time. . .

13 May 2008

Its official Darius is being stubborn he hasn't even flipped yet!!! my baby's breeched!! I 'm getting an ultrasound later this week and if things haven't changed I'm getting a c-section soon after. . oh still no contractions

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