I had a little difficulty conceiving, as I have a history of ovarian cysts, and an extremely tilted uterus (seriously...that thing is SIDEWAYS) and suspected endo which turned out to be mild. What did it, I think, was a combination of a hyterosalpingogram (not fun at all) and an ovulation kit. I have taken a million pg tests before, always negative, and when this one (6 actually) was positive, I couldn't believe it. I still don't really.

So i'm wondering if anyone else feels the way I do. Not the disbelief, but does anyone have a hard time believing you will ACTUALLY have a baby? I mean, i know i'm pregnant, and I'm not plagued (not TOO much) with worries of miscarrying, I just have a hard time thinking that at the end I will really have a little person. It's hard to explain, and right now, thank goodness, I have nothing to worry about. My HCG levels are great and I have enough symptoms to reassure me and not enough to make me miserable.

ok, enough rambling for now......

Confessions

I have been sneaking off to Target on my lunchbreaks and buying one tiny baby thing at a time. I should not be doing this because:

We are trying to stick to a budget to prep for the big expenses to come

I have no idea what I'm having

I am only 5 weeks and even tho I choose not to think about it, anything can happen at this point

I SHOULD be doing this because:

It is so much fun! I have always walked by the racks of tiny shoes and onesies and just felt like it was silly to look, but now I'm in the club! lol

Aug 20, 2007

I had my first prenatal appointment today, and it was awesome! First of all, I didn't have to have a pap, breast exam or pelvic because I just had all of that in July. So I got to keep my clothes on, answer a ton of questions and just talk to my Dr. It was really reassuring to talk to her and hear that everything seemed really good so far. I was supposed to go for an u/s in about 5 weeks to check the status of my cyst, but now that I'm preggers I asked if I can go earlier. My doc said to wait a week or two to make sure that we can see something when we go. I agree that I dont want to go so early that I can't see anything, but it's hard to wait. Also, even tho I am not at high risk, I will have a Nuchal Translucensy test at 12 and 17 weeks. This test checks for Down Syndrome and other chromosomal disorders. Since I am not worried (yet) I am actually pretty excited about this. It is non-invasive, unlike amniocentisis which I will never have, and they use an ultra high resolution u/s, so I will really be able to see my baby. Cool. Hubby is super excited too. At my dr's I also got a little mommy-to-be package with info, magazines and baby stuff in it. There are little trial size bottles of baby shampoo to add to my secret drawer of baby things! Yay!

HORMONAL MANIAC

so, i just saw that ASPCA commercial, the one with the Sarah McLaughlin song "in the arms of the angels" playing, showing pictures of abused dogs.....okay, I'm crying like a baby. Honestly though, those humane society specials have made me cry even when I'm not pregnant.

I had a scare today....... Aug.30/07

I'm now about 7 weeks, and this morning I started spotting. I was TERRIFIED. I phoned my Dr. at 6:30 am just so I could be the first message she heard in the morning. I didn't give her that chance though, because I called again at 9:01 am. To make a long story short, I had an exam, and things looked ok. (I don't want to disgust anyone with too much info, but cervix was closed, and no visible problems, just a "sensitive cervix") I did some bloodwork and hopefully all is well there, and, the one bright light is that I will get my first u/s tomorrow!! I'm excited, especially since I was told I wouldn't get one until my 12 week nuchal testing. Hopefully all is well and I can see the little heartbeat. I think I will be able to breathe again if only I see that heartbeat. Wish me luck.

WE HAVE A HEARTBEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aug. 31/07

It's the cutest little smudge ever. Just the right size for 7 weeks, with a good strong heartbeat. I'm so happy.

Nov. 1/07

Soooooo much has happened, and I haven't been bothered to update at all, even when half my posts disappeared. Here it is in a nutshell.

Started spotting at 7 weeks, but it only lasted two days. Turned out to be a subchorionic hematoma, a small bloodclot in the placenta. I was worried sick, but it seems to be gone, and I have had no more bleeding since.

At 12 weeks I had my nuchal trans. scan, and it was great. We got to see the baby, and the U/s tech even thought it was a boy!....but it is still early to count on that. Our down syndrome odds were pretty low, and we were happy enough with it to skip the rest of the tests and the stress that come with them.

At the nuchal screen, the specialist looked over my charts and noticed something. He mentioned that I had a false positive RPR, which indicates some antibodies in my blood. I told him I knew about it, it had shown up two years ago when I moved here from Canada and had to have an immigration physical, and again when I had my initial pregnancy confirmation bloodwork. Both times it showed up in routine syphilis tests. Since I was neg. for syphilis (thank god..lol) both Dr's told me it was nothing to worry about. This specialist was concerned and sent me for blood tests to see if I had (APS )antiphospholipid syndrome. Sure enough, the test came back high positive. It is an autoimmune disorder that makes your blood clot too easily. The results are either blood clots in you, or late term miscarriage due to blood clots in the placenta and umbilical cord. I was terrified. Turns out, it is totally treatable with low dose aspirin, and daily injections! Yikes. I HATE needles, and now I am injecting myself in the stomach every day. Oh well, it's for the baby, right?? Anyway, it was a pretty stressful few weeks, but It looks like we are all back on track. Next U/s is on Nov. 12 and hopefully we will know gender for sure, and my blood will be just as it should be.

The crazy thing about APS........it's really common. Lots of women could have these antibodies and don't know, and for some reason, some doctors are content to wait until a woman has miscarried 3 or 4 times before testing for it. I'm definitely not a doctor, but I wish I could tell every woman who has miscarried to get tested for this. I know sometimes miscarriage just happens for other reasons, but with APS the baby is healthy, it just stops receiving blood and nutrients. It's treatable!

I was fortunate that this is my first pregnancy and I havent had any miscarriages. I had other symptoms along with the positive blood tests.

anyway, I guess that catches me up for now.

Nov 15/07

So I have been injecting myself with Lovenox for a couple of weeks now, and guess what? It is pretty nasty. It stings alot going in, and my stomach is sooooo bruised and sore. Otherwise, it's not bad..lol.

We found out on Monday that the 12 week prediction was right! IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!! My husband and I are so thrilled, my stepdaughter not so much. I am not sure if she wanted a sister, or just doesn't want any siblings at all, but hopefully she will come around.

We have picked a name but I refuse to tell anyone. I wouldn't even have told my mom yet if my husband hadn't already told his mom. I am so afraid of someone telling me they don't like the name, or know someone with that name who is awful, or had a dog named that, or something, anything that will put any doubt in my mind, so I'm not saying a word. This way, when he's born, I can just say, "This is _______ !" and it will be too late for anyone to say anything. (It's not a crazy name that we picked, but still, I am sure that there will be someone who doesn't like it.) Ok, enough rambling.

Dec. 14/07

Hmmm..what's new? Well, my hubby finally felt our little man kick. It was really great. He was very happy, and pretty jealous that I get to feel it all the time. Having some ongoing issues with my ob, and kind of wishing I could get a different one, but I'm afraid to. With the APS and history of cysts, I feel more comfortable with someone who knows the whole situation. I will definitely pick a new dr. for the next baby tho..lol.

Jan.10/08

First update of 08! I had an appt. with my midwife a couple of days ago, and it went alright. Usually when I go to my doctor or the highrisk spec., I always get a great report. This time my blood pressure was up, and it was last appt too, so I'm on preeclampsia watch. I am doing my glucose test tomorrow am, and a bunch of other blood tests too. I'm not really looking forward to it, but what can you do. I have gained 17 pounds so far, which I guess is ok, but it feels like a ton. The craziest part was that my uterus was measuring 29 weeks at 25 weeks. Maybe that is why I feel so enormous. I am really hoping he slows down a bit. I have my monthly ultrasound on Monday, so that should give me a more accurate idea of his size.