Jan-4-08 I'm 6 WEEKS!!!! Little baby Gabbana is making things really difficult for me right now even though it's early. I never had any sort of sickness with my first two children. Today the nausea is really bad and I still have pain in my lower left side. I remember having that pain with my first one though. I hope the baby is growing and healthy. It is driving me crazy waiting for my appointment on the 18th.

Jan-7-08 I called the doctor today because I still feel cramping. She said not to worry, it's very normal to feel like that in your first trimester because your uterus is growing. She put my mind at ease. She said if the pain in my lower side becomes worse or if I start to bleed then she wants to see me right away. Nausea is much better over the past two days.

Jan-17-08 I have been feeling great this week! I'm so excited!!! Still sore and cramping but the excitement is crazy. Tomorrow is the day of the ultrasound. I can't wait to post our baby's picture!!!

Jan-18-08 my son turned 17 years old today and we just came from our anxiously awaited ultrasound. We saw our little baby's heartbeat!!! It was so exciting. They couldn't give us an age yet but we go back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound to find out for sure. I'm a little bummed because I don't have a picture to post today but I'm very happy to know everything is growing fine and I just have to wait a bit longer. Just like daddy, I know it will be worth the wait!!!!

Feb-1-08 this very same day, 30 years ago changed my life forever. My family was lost in a tragedy and this day has haunted our family since I was a child. Today began as the most amazing day of my life. At 12:38 this morning I witnessed my best friend give birth to a 9 lb 1oz beautiful baby boy named Keiffer Jaxon Novak. She did so great giving birth, no drugs just pure love pushed her through. It was truly beautiful and I was so lucky to be there. ****Later today around 10am I had my second ultrasound. It was very painful to her the words "This is not a viable pregnancy; we need to schedule a D&C". Our baby had no more little heartbeat. I will never forget the lost look in my husband’s eyes. In that very moment I saw how much it hurt him and it made it that much harder to explain to him that sometimes this happens. Never having gone through this before, I didn't know how heartbreaking this would be and I didn't realize how much this effects the dad as well. My heart is filled with so many feelings. Thoughts of my father, sister, grandparents and cousins race in my mind. I know that they will all protect my little baby up in heaven. I have always sympathized with friends that have gone through this loss but never even imagined that is was exactly like losing someone I love. I have lost so many loved ones in my life and this hurts just as badly. Even though my little baby didn't even get to take its first breath, I still loved and talked to it every day. The thought that I had just witnessed the most incredible moment in my life at my best friend's side and now the realization that my own dream of a little one has come to an end is just so painful at this very moment. My husband and I are devastated and after crying, holding each other and talking, we are trying to keep it together and we are trying to move on. We know that this happens to so many women each day. My heart goes out to anyone going through or having gone through this. My husband and I will try again as soon as we can. Best of wishes to all of you.

Feb-05-08 Just had the D&C. Everyone was so wonderful at the hospital. They made an awful day bearable. The wheeled me in to a small prep room. I was to get dressed in nothing but a gown and cap and then get on a gurney. The nurse then gave me an IV and allowed my husband to come in and sit with me. It was a very sad moment for both of us but we knew that it had to be done. Soon they gave me medication and everything began to seem really distant. I was out of it but still awake as they rolled me to the operating room. They placed me on another table with a bright light above my head and put my feet in stirrups. The doctor then came to me and told me that everything would be just fine and that she was going to take care of everything. The next thing I remember was waking up as they were wheeling me to recovery. I was totally awake and I did not have to stay in the gurney for a waiting period. They helped me up and I sat in a chair. They gave me a drink and a snack. They let me get dressed and then my husband came in and hugged me. He said I was only gone for about a 1/2 hour. John drove me home and we cried. We knew it had to be done but the whole experience was quite exhausting. I have very little spotting and no cramping at all. The doctor wants to see me before we try again.

Feb-22-08 Just got back from the doctor. She says we are all set to try again. We are very excited! She told us that the test came back on the matter as she called it. She said that it was an XX chromisome and everything was normal. I know that doctors have to stay technical and can't make things personal but this was my little baby not matter!! I carried my little baby for almost 3 months. The meaning of XX and normal meant that my little baby had been a healthy little girl and they don't know why it happened. We were a little thrown for a loop hearing the news but we are excited that everything is ok and we get to start trying.

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March-16-08 My AF finally came after 40 days!!! woohoo, let the fun begin!

March-19-08 As my hubby says "It's on like Donkey Kong". Hopefully things will happen soon. Time will tell. We are going to enjoy trying!!!

April-14-08 That nasty AF came today. Try Try Again!!!

May-16-08 My AF again!! :oP I'm feeling so frustrated. Everytime my AF comes, I cry. I don't mean to, it just starts flowing out of me. I realize that getting pregnant is a miracle but I always thought that if you have sex on the days your supposed to, it just happens. That is not the case!!! It takes its own sweet time and it's driving me crazy!!!!

June-10-08 CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!! Does everyone get this frustrated???? That stupid AF came again. I'm feeling very stressed and it shows. My face is broken out, I've gained weight and I'm having a hard time staying positive. I'm in a wedding in a few days and I hope I don't scare the bride!!!

June-15-08 The wedding was gorgeous. It was a perfect day, everyone did a great job and I tried not to stress about myself and focused on everything else instead. Dreams Do Come True!! The bride and groom were so happy. It made my day.

June-18-08 Back to trying soon. I'm no longer tracking temperature or watching possible ovulation days. The stress is to much for me to deal with so I need to chill!!!! I hope eveyone else is having more luck! The doctor told me to buy the ovulation sticks at the pharmacy. I will give that a try and not stress out about everything.

June-25-08 My stess seems to be lessening these days. I have decided that it will happen when it happens and I'm not worrying myself sick anymore. My best friend's little one is now 4 months old. What an angel! It's doesn't make me upset at all to see him. I am very happy for my friends that have become pregnant or are trying to get pregnant. I am hoping that one day soon myself and a few others will all be pregnant together. Send me baby dust eveyone! I could use a few truck loads!!! When I used the test strips I found that my LH surge was 5 days sooner than all of my charts told me to start trying! Pretty big gap there!!! Hubby and I are listening to the strips this time and having fun with it!! Hopefully it will work!!!

********************** JACK POT ***********************