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Friday, 28 Dec
hello!i `m unexpectedly expecting,i have an eight year old son,and i `ll be having another sonin may. we `re calling him jacob. i `m doing the pregnancy alone, as my now ex boyfriend has exited. he wants to be a father, just not until the baby is here. it `s very disappointing, very frustrating. actually kind of unbelievable. i just lost my mom last august, my family lives far away. it `s rough when the people you thought you could count on love themselves so much more than you.i am hopeful, i am positive. what else can i do?
Friday, 18 Jan
jacob is doing great! so far all tests have come back `perfect. ` my doctor says that the 23 pounds i `ve gained so far should be easy to lose in the first 6 weeks after the baby `s here, but anything more will be on me to lose! yikes! i `m feeling good, feeling strong, still working part time as a waitress, which is very physically demanding, but good for me. my ex/boyfriend and i are making progress, not together again, but working on being friends and `platonic co-parents ` which as i `m sure you can imagine stinks. pregnancy is a beautiful time, and i `m sorry we `re missing it as a couple. sleeping alone every night is not how i had envisioned things. but, things work out the way they `re supposed to. never say never.
Saturday, 2 Feb
the good news: i had my one hour glucose test today, and another ultrasound. everything looks great! the baby is strong, kicking me really hard under the ribs, in the side, across my belly, all seemingly at the same time. i think he must be a little monkey! the bad news: i `m up 29 pounds to 152, which is so depressing. my ex/boyfriend, who still calls himself my `best friend ` is scared of my body with a baby inside, which makes it so much worse. i feel so rejected. i am starved for some affection. i `m not saying i want him to rip his pants off, but a little cuddling really would be nice. he does plenty of really nice `friend ` type of things, like take me out, buy me flowers, etc. but i have plenty of `friends, ` i need a partner. sorry, i `m feeling sorry for myself today. :( i miss my rotten boyfriend.
Saturday, 23 Feb
i had a real scare yesterday, i missed the bottom step of our circular staircase and fell, landing on my lower stomach, scraping it pretty badly. it really hurt and stunned me for a moment. but i felt the baby kicking right after, so i was relieved. i had another ultrasound, and everything looks fine, but the doctor told me i should have come right in for observation instead of waiting 6 hours like i did. the good news, my glucose test is fine, and my placenta has moved up so it `s no longer covering the cervix. my weight has stabilized! in the last month i only gained 1 more pound, so i `m up 30 lbs altogether. not great, but not too bad.my 8 year old has really been acting out, having tantrums, pushing my ex/boyfriend `s hand away if he wants to feel the baby kick, protesting doing his schoolwork, the works. it `s been a little much.also, i have to stop work, i kept getting ridiculously painful cramps from all the walking (i `m a waitress) and carrying heavy trays, so on tuesday i went in and then came right home.i am so relieved to be done. now i can focus on getting the house ready for the baby! and getting me ready too...
Wednesday, 27 Feb
i had my last day of work today! i `m so relieved, i was getting so tired out, i was afraid i was going to drop a tray of drinks on a customer. also, my ex/boyfriend asked my best friend to have a baby shower for me when she comes to visit next month! i `m very excited, i really didn `t expect to have one. (although, my ex/bf `s mother is very involved too and has very specific ideas... i really don `t want any conflict, i `d rather just skip the whole thing... sigh...) he `s been the king of mixed messages, standing in the rain to buy me a milkshake, coming over to cook dinner and play with my 8 year old, but still won `t even hold my hand. he says he `s working it out, but i `m just feeling worked out and over it. sometimes i feel like i `d rather not even have to see him at all. platonic boyfriends suck.
Sunday, 9 Mar
crampy, tired, sleepy, up all night, dehydrated, craving tunafish sandwiches with lots of pickle relish and pepper.and LONELY. i really miss my boyfriend. now he tells me he `s really mad at me for the past, but won `t elaborate. plus, his mother thinks i `m cold. so i think that `s about that. of course he still wants us to go to couples counseling... my son is doing a little better about the jealousy. i `ve been doing a positive reinforcement sticker chart which he loves! it seems so simple. i `m painting the baby `s room tomorrow! pale blue with dark brown trim. i `m really excited!
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