My early bird arrived at 34 weeks!!!! I am completely in love!!!!!

Sat 19 Jan

On Fri 11 Jan I did an electronic home pregnancy test (don't like the little lines because I can never tell) and it came up BFP!!! This is a very unexpected pregnancy as my husband and I were in the process of splitting up when this happened. I had all my plans set to move back to Australia in Mar and now I have more of a reason to be at home with my family. I have had too previous pregnancies that I felt I was too young to go through with or it wasn't the right time in my life. Now I'm 30 and this timing is as bad as the previous times but now I feel like I don't want to waste this chance. I have ALWAYS wanted kids and I'm ready to face whatever comes, with or without my husband. My husband will be following me to Australia but hopefully this big move will kick his butt into gear and fix his life.

As terribly unsure as I was when I first found out, I'm THRILLED now. I haven't been working so I spend most all day sitting on the computer reading through pregnancy forums and trying to talk to people who are due in Sept as I am. I did have some spotting a couple of days ago but its seems to have stopped now. I also had some pains here and there but nothing for the last couple of days, and as for morning sickness, just queasiness. Nothing a dry cracker won't fix. :)

My first scan is on Wed 30 Jan and by then I should be about 2 days from 7 weeks. I'm very much looking forward to it!! My husband wants to come too as he is SO happy about this baby. Its a way for him to hold onto me and not let me leave him. Depressing for me, but I guess I have someone else to think about now.

Wed 23 Jan

I woke up this morning and had a complete stress out because there was blood in my underwear when I went to the toilet. My heart was beating so fast. Then I thought about it and I remember someone saying that a miscarriage was like a very heavy AF times 2. So I calmed myself down, got myself some water and decided to get online. Waiting til 12 weeks is going to give me a freaking heart attack!!!

I don't know if I should call to make an appointment with the doctor earlier than my scheduled appointment because of the bleeding. Its not like I'm having my AF or anything, just slightly darker than the pink tinge I had before. It would just mean another $73 for an appointment and $160 for an u/s that I really can't afford. I don't have insurance unfortunately. I don't know what to do.

Fri 25 Jan

EUGH, well I sure as hell didn't feel good this morning. I woke up with the need to pee, so I indulged my bladder. Well, I didn't leave the bathroom for about half an hour. If it hadn't been for the fact that I'd just woken up and hadn't eaten in 12 hours, I would have thought I had food poisoning. I didn't know which end to stick over the toilet. Luckily with a bit of swallowing and deep breathing, the need to throw up eventually went away but man was I sweating like a pig at the end of it. (Probably TMI, I'm sorry!) Feeling fine now but, WOW, sure felt bad before. Hope this isn't going to happen every morning!!! Maybe the fact that I'm supposed to be 6 weeks tmrw has something to do with it

Sat 26 Jan

YAY! I've hit week 6!!!!

I also got an appointment letter today from my doctor which was written on the 16th which was my first appointment. Its says I have an u/s due on April 14 when I will be about 17 weeks. That seems like a long wait between week 6 and week 17. But as it is I won't be able to go because I'm going to have to tell them that I'm leaving to go to Australia and I need to get a copy of my medical file to take with me. Not sure how to go about that.

Wed 30 Jan

I just had to do some updating because I went to the docotor today and had my ultrasound!!!!!!! The baby is only the size of a grain of rice and we didn't hear the heart beat but we definitely saw it!!!! :) It's heart was beating at 126bpm which the lady said was normal for this early. Phew! It was so exciting. My baby just looked like a little heart beating. :) Oh I love it!!

Fri 15 Feb

Really not much going on with me at all. Valentine's Day was non eventful. Hubby brought me home desserts from work but no card or anything. And he says he loves me! Well no big deal really. I bought him a card and some of my favourite chocolate which I ate while he was at work and so had to go out and buy some more. :)

For about a week I was feeling queasy all the time and the only thing that helped was to eat and sometimes these days I just don't feel like eating. Yesterday I was feeling good, and now today I'm feeling queasy again. I can't wait til this feeling goes away!!!!! But I should really quit complaining. I have it SO EASY compared to some. Woke up this morning with my boobs absolutely killing me. As much as I wanted bigger boobs, I didn't want the pain as well.

Well it is 2 weeks tmrw that I leave to go back to Australia. Hubby insists I have to pack up the apartment before I leave. He's so lazy, all he does is sleep and work or do his drugs. I can't wait to get away from here on Mon.

Tues 4 Mar

I can't believe it, I'm finally home!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do very much miss my friends in the US but I know most of the important ones will make the effort to come and visit me. :) It is very weird being home. I didn't know yesterday was a public holiday so my sister and her husband were also at the airport to welcome me home. My mum started crying. I had to tell her to stop or I was going to start again and I'd already had a pretty emotional morning as I had a preggo moment with my luggage by picking up the wrong bag in Brisbane. I was so annoyed with myself for being so stupid and almost missing my connecting flight that I was blubbering like a baby. Totally embarrassing!!!

I know my family kept looking at my belly which is definitely getting bigger. But then I think I ate too much on the plane to Perth because I was so full and gassy! Thankfully no-one seemed to notice that I was farting up a storm. :)

Thurs 6 Mar

YAY!!! I've hit 12 weeks!!!! FINALLY!!!!! Still have to get myself a doctors appointment since being home but that is because its takes a while to try and organise Medicare. I've been out of Oz for 6 years so I need a statute of declaration to prove that I'm intending on staying in the country and I need my shipping info for proof and a letter from my employer. Thankfully I have a job that I start back at tmrw. Hope all with be organised this week and I'll get an appointment for next week. I think I'm due for another scan. :)

Fri 7 Mar

Well I finally got my Medicare sorted out yesterday and I have a doctor's appointment for next Wed morning. Hopefully baby will hang in there til then. It was my first day at work today and by 8am I'd started cramping and bleeding. Don't know what I did to deserve that. Bleeding wasn't too dark and cramping wasn't too severe so I sat in the back office and worked from there for most of the day. They all know my delicate situation. :) Had a bit of a lay down on the couch and watched the rugby with dad so I'm feeling a bit better but I don't think I'll be long out of bed tonight. I was up 3 times last night to pee, 11, 2 and 3. All I did was doze from 3am after my bedroom door flew open. That only happens when someone opens the hall door, but there was no-one up tp do that. My husband thinks our friend is haunting me. (The one we're going to name our child after if its a boy).

Tues 11 Mar

Well since last Fri I've been spotting on 3 separate days. I called to change my appointment for earlier and I was under the impression it was made for today at 12.30pm but it seems it was for 12.30pm Wed. Which is strange because my appointment WAS 9.50am Wed, so hardly earlier. I told the receptionist I was spotting and she spoke to a nurse and I was instructed to go to hospital. So I left work after only 3 hours and went to Royal Perth, who informed me they don't deal deal with pregnancy and babies. So I had to go to King Edward, which meant going back to work, picking up my car and then driving to Subi. I was there for about 2 hours but the doctor was lovely and she told me I have a lovely uterus. LOL Baby jumped when I had a scan so it obviously has legs even though I couldn't see them. It looked like an alien. :) I've also got a nuchal scan booked for Fri to test for Downs Syndrome. I wish I hadn't said yes to it because now I'm worrying. I wouldn't have thought about it if I hadn't. Fingers crossed for a good result!!

Sat 15 Mar

Yesterday was my NT scan. I don't find out my chances of downs til I see the doctor in 2 weeks but I got heaps of pics of bubba. The lady measured me at 12 weeks, 6 days though which back to the 20 Sept like I was before. I haven't bothered changing it though. She didn't tell me to go by that date instead. I just read it on the scan. It was so cool to see baby because the last one I couldn't even see its legs. But it definitely have them now!!!! :) And fingers and toes and just WOW!!!! I've added a couple if pics. I just thought it was all completely unreal!! :)

Wed 19 Mar

I weighed myself about a week or so ago to see how my weight was coming along. I was horrified to find myself at 69.something kgs!!!!!! So today I thought ok, lets see what going on with me today, and this morning I'm only 66.5kgs which makes me very happy!!!! I've stopped pigging myself as much as before because I don't see to want to eat all the time now. I wonder how I am on my weigh gain track.

Thurs 27 Mar

Oh happy day!!!!!!!!! 15 weeks today!!!!!!! I also went for my appointment with the doctor this morning to get my results for the NT scan. All is well and I'm low risk, so even though I have to work today which was supposed to be my day off, I'm still a happy chappy!!!!!!!!!!! :)

I also booked my anatomy 18-20 week scan for 23rd April. Very much looking forward to finding out the sex of my little munchkin!!!!!

Wed 2 April

WOW, what a nice new page!! Makes think a bit too much of Myspace however. I left the room while it was loading and when I came back I was confused as do what i had been looking for. My edit page is also different. I can't say I know for sure what Veranderingen opslaan means but I think its mean preview. Its the only thing on this page thats not in English. :)

Thurs 3 April

Well it seems my hubby doesn't like the names we've chosen anymore. He wants to change the girls name, and he wants the boy to be John Cameron. I had my heart set on Cameron John. I think he needs to have his own name, not FULLY named after someone else. I'm not going to budge on that. And with a girl, I'd be up for suggestions. He thinks Hope will get teased a lot. If he wants to give a name that can't get teased, call her Helen. Everyone made fun of my last name rather than my first name.

Wed 23 April

Its a GIRL!!!

I can hardly believe it. I so desperately wanted a boy that I was shocked when I was told its a girl. I cried like an idiot and I think the U/S tech thought I was a bit weird. Some say girls are easier but I've heard stories that boys are. A boy was to be named after a friend who died this past Oct and now I can't. Husband isn't happy with girls names I've chosen and now wants to have a think about it. All I've dreamt about is boys!! All the predictions pointed to a boy. I think its going to take me a little while to get used to the idea. Gots some really pretty clothes today though. I don't think baby is happy with my thoughts because she's kicking me. I can't believe I'm having a girl!!

Sat 26 April

Well it didn't take long at all, by the time the end of the day came I was used to the idea of my baby not being a boy. I had wanted a girl first anyway until we decided to name a boy after our friend.

Tmrw is the baby markets right by my house so I'm going to go on down in the morning before the engagement bbq I'm going to to see if I can pick up any bargains!!

Tues 06 May

Well after all that talk about not wanting to buy any pink, you should see the HUGE pile of pink I have!!!!! I've got some really gorgeous outfits!!! Now all I need is for her to end up as a boy!!!!!!!!

Thurs 08 May

Well it looks like my girl will be Rachel Marie. My hubby, or ex hubby I should probably call him now, has cut himself out of our lives. We are not yet divorced but he's not going to be coming to Australia and we're all just going to get on with our lives. I'm sad for our daughter, not getting the chance to know her father. But I think we're all better off with an ocean between us. I will try and let her know that daddy her loves her more than anything but can't be here. How do I do that without making him sound horrible? It was all just too hard and he just gave in to me.

Thurs 15 May

Ok hubby has put himself back into our lives. He's so bloody confused!!!

Wed 11 June

OMG 99 days to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and an update from my confused ex husband to be - he's planning on coming over for a year and then when we file for divorce, he's going to try and get joint custody, 2 months out of the year. Which is fine except that when she starts going to school the longest holiday is 6 weeks and its over Xmas. He's not getting her over EVERY Xmas, not a chance!!!! And he mentioned that because I was married in the US and conceived in the US that I literally took our child out of the country illegally, even though our marriage was in the process of breaking up even when she was conceived. When I left I wasn't even 12 weeks, she wasn't yet even considered a foetus! No, I took ME out of the country and back home with my family where I belong!! If they try pull that shit on me there's going to be a WAR because there is no way in hell they are going to take her back to the US and away from me after she's born.

Sat 28 June

I finally had my first hospital appointment on Tues. All seems to be pretty good with the pregnancy and me. Belly is measuring a bit small for my dates so I was sent for a scan to be sure that my princess is developing fine and she seems to be. Bit of an acrobat too as her hands AND feet were in front of her face so the tech couldn't get a clear pic. Heart, kidneys, stomach all good. YAY! I was also sent for my glucose challenge test to check for Gestational Diabetes (GD) and the result came back high so I ended up needing to do the glucose tolerance test on Fri. I haven't heard anything yet but the midwives will only be in on Tues. If I don't hear anything then all is good, but if I do hear something, I've got GD and I'll have to control what I eat. That would make me really upset because I have cravings for chocolate EVERY DAY, theres no way I can not have any chocolate. But then i really don't know what I'll need to do so I shouldn't speculate.

She's moving around a lot now and its less jarring kicks and more rolling movements, so very cool!!! I'm going to get it on video coz whenever I go to bed she starts moving a lot and it will be cool to get that on camera. :) I'm pretty sure she's still head down which she was at the scan.

Sat 5 July

Well I don't seem to have GD as I never received a call from the midwives, YAY!!! I've got another appointment on Tues so they go can go over all the results from the GD tests and scan. I guess I'll get to hear the heart beat again too, which was AWESOME!!!

Friday 11 July

30 weeks!!!!!!!!!!! How time is flying!!!! I went to my appointment on the 8th and there was a trainee doc in there with the regular one and they asked me how things were, any pains, any questions, yadda yadda. Not one person mentioned the GD test and I didn't even think to ask. The trainee doc had bloody FREEZING hands as well and I literally yelped when he was feeling my uterus. My fundal height is still measuring small but shes grown 2 cm from 2 weeks ago so thats a start. I'm looking forward to Rachel being here but its coming up so fast that its getting scary. My freedom is going to disappear very soon. What if I can't do it? What if I do something wrong? What if she gets sick, like my 9 mth old nephew who went to hospital tonight with pneumonia! Its all so scary. And besides, I enjoy the feeling of her moving around inside me.

Wednesday 20 August

I can hardly believe my little angel is already 2 weeks old!!! She's been moved from King Edward hospital to one closer to home. It didn't take too long for her to get out of the incubator, although she's still getting jaundice so when I left her at the hospital this afternoon she'd been put back under lights, and back in the incubator actually because it gets a little chilly in that nursery. She hit her birth weight today and she hasn't had a drip in her since she left King Edward. (VERY happy about that!) But they're predicting that she'll be able to go home by the end of next week!! She's so so beautiful and I can't wait to have her home where I can cuddle her whenever I want!!!

Saturday 6 September

Need to update but I'm too tired! Rachel is 4 weeks old now, where did the time go?

Saturday 13 September

Well now my Rachel Angel is 5 weeks and 2 days old and shes still not at her due date! Other than putting on weight she hasn't changed a whole lot. She still doesn't have a very strong suck and she tires easily so breastfeeding is a chore for her. We mainly breastfeed but I have to top her up with the whole amount almost every feed and she seems to be getting progresively worse at it. Like she's gotten lazy and would prefer the bottle. Although we have tried the BF without the nipple shield recently and she actually ltached on quite well a couple of times but generally she'll just slide off my nipple and just suck on the end. But other than that she's perfect and I'm overwhelmed by the love I feel for her!!!

Sunday 12 October

Where on earth has the time gone!? My little angel is now 9.5 weeks old. She is still 6 weeks behind all other babies her ages but I can't wait for the day when she start smiling and laughing like another little girl born on the same day. :) We had some hiccups with the breastfeeding but they seem to be ok now. There's no more top ups but my supply is a bit low so we need to feed more often. But otherwise all is good. Shes the love of my life! Even when she screams the house down with her belly aches.