Nolan's Birth

the events leading:

Saturday 6am or so, I got up to pee and noticed my vagina leaking something. It was slimy and clear. I figured it was normal discharge that I knew would increase toward the end of pregnancy, but it was also accompanied by mild cramps. I went back to sleep, but when I woke up again at 9, it squished out again, and when I went to take a seat on the toilet, it rolled down my leg and looked somewhat pink. I wasn't sure what it was because I had always thought that the mucus plug was more of a solid thing that became dislodged and was then followed by some reddish mucus. I told Jacob about it, and he suggested calling the doctor. I was relucgtant, but as I dwelled in perplexity, I broke down and picked up the phone. I described what was happening, and he thought my water might have broken, so we were off to the hospital, where I was told it wasn't my amniotic fluid, and that the baby had plenty still surrounding him. Bummer (I wanted to meet him already). While I was there, I had the non-stress test done and we could see small contractions on the monitor. They were not very painful, I'd say no worse than mild cramps.

So, we went home, and over the course of the day, I tried to figure out what the goo was and called the family to report the false alarm. They were sure that he would be here within the next day, but I would have to wait a three full days. Saturday night, the contractions sputtered out with some tylenol, and my body took a break all Sunday until I went to bed. All night long they were 10 minuets apart and increasingly painful. I slept in ten minuet incraments, determined not to go to the hospital until I was sure. I had to convince Jacob that it was ok to wait. By the morning time they were still only 8 minuets apart, and lasting nearly 2 minuets (really long for contractions, so long that I stopped counting the last ten seconds or so). I decided to call the doctor, who told me to call back in an hour. I had been timing the contractions since the crack of dawn, and it was now 9am. I was very tired, but also pleasantly suprised that the pain was mild (somewhere around moderately intense cramps with several lovely minuets worth of complete reliefe in between). So, I waited out the hour, moaning loudly with every contraction. The pain was not intense enough to truely warrent it, but the noise was working as a kind of anesthetic. So, after an hour I, the contractions were 7 minuets apart on averadge. Some were ten minuets, aome were two, and they were never really evened out the whole time. Anyways, I made the call. The nurse said that I hadn't made enough progress, and that I should let her know when they were 5 minuets apart for an hour. Well, as soon as I hung up the phone, they drew even closer and were somewhere around 5 minuets apart, and I'm sure they would have seamed closer if I hadn't been cutting off the last few seconds. It was only just an hour when I called her back.

the car ride:

The nurse informed me that my Doctor was aiting for me at the hospital. I was kind of reluctant to go because I felt the whole expirience had been very tolerable so far, but I also thought that I'd like to be tended to by the nurses and for them to give me a clear explanation of what was happening to my body. I had been sent home before, and I was affraid that would happen again. My cervix was closed just the day before, even as it gushed mucus, so maybe this was false labor, and I was being a big wuss.

Jacob was taking care of his pets. When he came back into the room, I told him the doc was waiting, but since the hospital is only a few blocks away, I let him take his time to get ready and made myself a bowl of granola. We loaded ourselves and my three bags into the car. A quick stop for some fast food. Jacob got some mexican, and I got a lemonade. I had a contraction while the girl was getting our order, but I stayed nice and quiet. Jacob and I laughed about it.

the hospital:

So, I had decided to go for a spontaneous vaginal deliver without pain releif. That had been my plan, and then the doctor came in. My contractions had fizzled out. The monitor only showed them ten minuets apart. She told me I could go home and labor some more, or "get things going."

It was such a difficult decision to make because I knew she was talking about breaking my water and using pitocin, which I had heard was terribly painful. I looked to Jacob and called my mom to see what they thought. They both left it up to me. The worst part of labor had been that it was wearing me out. I wanted to sleep so badly, and I knew that going home to labor meant possibly waiting another day. In the end, I abandoned my plan which felt suprizingly liberating.

Dr. Ross broke my water, and it was totoaly painless, but I cried. I was so ready to have my baby. Jacob looked down at me a little teary. The amniotic fluid felt nice and warm, and they didn't try to catch it in a basin, they just let it puddle on the bed and soak into an absorbent pad. They called it "clear" but when I looked it was yellow like urine and had white chunks of maybe vernix in it.

When I lie back, my belly was deformed. Flat on one side, baby on the other. This was seriously happeneing! It felt that way anyway, but the contractions were not effected, so in came the pitocin into my IV. I could feel the contractions comming closer and longer, but not really more painful except for two right in a row that were litterally off the charts.

My mother had arrived by then, and my sisters followed close behind. Jacob was on the phone calling everyone. Then, the doc came in and told me that the anesthesiologist was going home. If I wanted an epidural, I might want to get it now, or risk having to wait when I really needed it. This was another change to my plan that I made reluctantly, but a decision I don't regret at all. I decided to get it. I KNOW I'm "woman enough" to go through labor aux natural. I felt like I really didn't have anything to prove, and was not at all worried about Nolan. I figure that being born is probably pretty painful as well, I mean can you imagine the headache!

Anyway, the epidural was painless! At one point I had a rather painful contraction during the process. Later, Jacob told me I had a huge needle sticking out of my back during it. I didn't even feel a pinch, and was totally somfortable for until it was time to push. I kept saying how happy I was, and how great of a time I was having. I could only really feel the contractions as my muscles pushed against my ribs. It was exciting to see them on the monitor constantly blasting off the charts every two minuets or so as the pitocin was pushed up and up. The worst I had felt was about the intesity of my worst cramp times 2, but I could tell that if I had felt these I would have lost my mind. They were huge peeks that never really tapered off.

Somehow, the day passed in a weird fog. My sisters massaged me and encouraged me, but had to leave around 8:00. More time passed, and now we were approaching midnight, and I was only 6 and 1/2 cm dialated. The doctor told me that she wanted to see more progress, or she might think that there was something wrong. I didn't let it worry me. I had been closed-cervixed on saturday, and only 3 cm when I came in that morning (monday). I told her I'd do my best and promtly passed out.

The Birth!

I woke to an intense feeling of pressure. A check revealed that I had slept through transition completely! I was at 9 and 1/2 cm! It was almost time to push! I wanted to badly to push. Despite being numb, I rolled over and over in bed. My mother and Jacob woke to find me thrashing about. It was the most intense feeling I've ever had. It's so idescribable. Jacob needed a drink and I begged him not to leave me. My mother wanted cofee as well. I couldn't believe it. They didn't realize how ready I was. I got the nurse to bring them what they wanted, then started to pant, my head swung side to side.

She checked me again. There was just the slightest lip of cervix left, almost inpreceptable. I begged and begged for her to let me push. I must have said it over and over, "I want to push the baby out. I want him to come out!" because she eventually let me have my way despite the little rim.

She showed Jacob how to hold my legs up, and then we waited for a contraction. I couldn't really feel them at first, so I had to be told when to push. I pushed as hard as I could, curling my body like a "C". Then I let go. The nurse told me to hold in the air while pushing, let it out quickly, then take another breath and push again, and repeat until the contraction is through. I remember thinking that I probably would have known this if I had taken birthing classes!

After a few contractions, I took a break, and I guess they had turned off the epidural because I began to feel the pressure even more. I asked to get on my knees. It felt good to push this way, starting on all fours, then lowering my butt almost to touching the bed as I pushed. I felt real progress this way. The baby moved down each time by a tiny amount, but I couldn't stay like that. It took too much strength to hold myself up.

I laid on my back again, and Jacob held a basin for me to vomit it. God, I love him! I pushed and pushed. I tried to take breaks for some of the contractions, but the urge to push became more and more overwhelming. I could feel the doctor stretching me out, prepairing my vagina for delivery. From my back to my knees, I changed positions over and over again, it was so intense, not painful just unbeleivably powerful. In the middle of pushing through a contraction, I began to looses confidence that I could do it. I was not able to hold my breath enough to make any progress that was good enough for them. I could feel the baby moving down, but they wanted me to work harder and harder. I screamed that I couldn't do it. At one point, I thought I was passing out. I saw spots and fell limp, but I was still awake. My body wouldn't let me faint. Jacob called my naI rember saying in my head, "yeah, I'm fine, you tell him."

The next contraction got me moving again. I wanted to rest so badly but couldn't resist to push. Then, I started to sing a song in my head. It was a tune from the Juno soundtrack. It just started to play in my mind completely on its own. I remember thinking, "Wow, what am I doing thinking about this song? I've got to come back to Earth." I did come back, and my mom was telling me to reach down and feel the head. I stuck my fingers inside about an inch and felt his scalp.

"Oh he has hair, Jen! He has black hair!" my mom was crying. I gave my best few pushes after that. His head was emerging. Everyone was saying that he was almost out. I didn't care about anyhting. I was just focused on pushing. It was like trying to lift a 300lb dumbell. It felt pointless, but there was no alternative except to try as hard as I could. The doctor was telling me to "get mad at the pain." I wasn't in pain, there was just an extreme pressure and it was so much work. I thought my eyes would pop each time I pushed. Everyone became more and more excited as I scrunched down and pushed hard. My mom told me his head was comming out each time I pushed and going back in when I stopped. All I could feel was him coming out more and more.

The doctor was stretching me. I felt the moment just before I tore. I looked down at the doctor, and I was thinking, "CUT ME!" but couldn't say it because I had to push again. She let me tear as the baby's head poped out. I never felt the actual tear. Jacob and the nurse were pushing my knees into my chest, and my mother was squeeling. They didn't even let me take a breath. The nurse demand I continue to push and get his body out. One more easy push and his body came out. Pushing had taken an hour and a half, but it felt like 20m minuets. Nolan was born at 6:08am, Tuesday, February 19th, 2008.

the baby:

The doctor looked at him for a second before flopping him down on my chest. I was saying, "Hi baby, hi baby," and rubbing him. He was pink and beautiful and his skin was slippery. I noticed that he was very quiet. I didn't feel worried, but I was trying to get him to cry by talking to him and rubbing him. The doctor asked if Jacob wanted to cut the cord, and rushed him to do it quickly so they could get Nolan to the baby table. I talked to him the whole time saying, "Come on, baby. Come on my little baby." I wanted him to cry. Jacob got a little nervous as they blew some oxygen into his face and massaged him. Then, he let out a sweet little cry for all of us.

"Oh, he's perfect, he's so awesome," my mom was saying as they tended to him. I kept on talking to him. He let out another cry, lustier this time. I realized that he had been okay all along, he was just suprized about the whole thing, and probably a little foggy from the medication. He was a chill baby from the start.

I saw tears in my usually stoic mother's eyes. She was very moved, and I was so glad that she was there to share this moment with us.

I began to regain feeling as I waited for my body to expell the afterbirth. It didn't hurt at all as the placenta was expelled. Then, she comenced to sew me up. I screamed the whole time as she stitched me. I had been expecting relief after all the haerd work, but this was terrible! Luckily, there were only a few stitches (no one ever told me how many), because I couldn't wait to hold Nolan.

Finally, he was in my arms, and rooting for a nipple. "Can I put him on my boob," I asked, not waiting for an answer. I tried to feed him in side lying position. He wanted to latch on so badly, but I was too sore, and my too numb from my thighs down to get into the right position, so I gave up, and handed him to his daddy. What a perfect sight. Soon he was passed of to his grandma. He quickly latched onto her finger and began suckling vigorously. My mom was very excited about how strong of a latch he had, but I yelled at her to get her finger out of his mouth. My poor mama.

I felt so wonderful, and so happy. He was real and he was here. I loved him instantly, and have been amazed that everyday my love has doubled! When I think I can't possibly have room in my heart for even an extra smidgen of love I wake up the next morning to his squeeky little piglet noises and his deep knowing eyes and realize that my heart has grown so much larger overnight. We are so blessed to have him.

Thursday, 13 Dec