julz's profile

julz
julz has 244 days to go and is now in week 5
	Age: 27 Country: US Province/region: Pennsylvania City: Erie Partner: Tyshaun Children: Yes, 4 Pregnant: Yes Due date: 21 Jul ,2009 Occupation: Insurance
	Online: 14 hours ago. Last updated: 120 days ago. Member since: 384 days
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REST IN PEACE ARIHANNA JANIA TATE

MY BABY GIRL WAS MADE AN ANGEL ON MARCH 29TH AT 11:21AM

I MISS HER SO MUCH!

*Official Autopsy Report: I got a call from the coroner's office the toxicology is back in, everything came back negative. Official ruling is Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, meaning her death is unexplainable and they could not find a medical cause. I have mix emotions about this I am so glad that there is nobody to blame and nobody did anything wrong, I was praying everyday that it wasn't something I did or something I missed, or something to do with the shots shee received or something to doctos had missed. I am greatful that she did not suffer when she passed away. I am a little upset because they don't know what killed my baby girl, how does a mother live with not knowing why this happened, why was my baby girl ripped away from me? Well, they have many theories, but sadly that's all they have are theories. No answers, so I have to live on without knowing.....I miss my baby girl so much!

*I spoke to my friend who works for the coroner and she told me that the coroner ruled it as SIDS, but he can not sign off on that until the toxicology report comes back. This sounds weird but I am so relieved, I now know that I didn't do anything wrong, I was so scared that it was something I did or didn't do, or something I missed, I now feel a little better knowing that she died peacefully. I still miss her every minute of everyday, but I can stop blaming myself. We got the approval sketch for her headstone and it reads:

Arihanna Jania Tate

Jan. 20- Mar. 29, 2008

A Bright Star In Our Lives

Too Perfect To Stay

Placed In Gods Hands

Until The New Day

On the morning on March 29th 2008, I layed my sweet priness down for her morning nap. At 11:00 am I went in to check on her, and when I picked her up she was blue and cold, I yelled to my hubby who jumped out of bed I ran downstairs and handed her to my sister in law(she is a nurse) and she did CPR, while her daughter called 911, I could not even function, I was just laying on the floor crying. The ambulance was on its way, but we jumped in the car, and started to drive to the hospital(it's about 6 blocks away) we seen the ambulance and did a u-turn and they started to work on her. They drove her to the hospital and tried their hardest, they did get her color back, but they could not get a heartbeat, at 11:21am she was pronounced dead. I just dropped to the floor and started to cry, I can't believe my baby is gone. It took me 5 hours to leave the hospital, I could not leave her. The nurse had brought in a blanket for her, so that she looked more at peace, they really helped me with the grieving process, they let me take my time and they helped us with understanding the coroner and contacting the funeral home. I had a hard time facing my other children I felt like I had failed them, I thought they would say to me, why would you let this happen to our sister, I was scared and angry and felt so alone. I have since talked to alot of people, who have helped me, and I now know that my sweet princess is now, my sweet angel. She will never be forgot, I love her so much.

I wanted to thank all of you ladies for your thoughts and prayers, I will try to keep in touch, I think of all of you ladies as my family. Even know we have never met, you all are there for me. Thanks again and GOD bless

OUR BABY GIRL HAS ARRIVED: JAN 20th 2008 @ 4:50pm

ARIHANNA JANIA TATE 6LBS 13OZ. 19 1/2 INCHES LONG

1 month: 9lbs 8oz and 21 inches long

2 month: 12 lbs. 6oz. and 23 inces long

I had been having contraction on and off for about a week, but no further dilation. It was sunday and I hadn't had a contraction all day, which was a change because I had been having them all weekend. I was helping out with my son's Cub Scout even at our church, the PineWood Derby I was the score keeper, the races were done around 3:30 and around 3:30 I started to have very strong contractions, by 3:45, I was doubled over in pain. I told my mother (who was there helping too) that I was going to go to the hospital to get checked out, so she kept my 2 older children with her. I drove home and told my hubby to get the baby (my 10 month old) dressed, because I need to go get checked out. So we dropped him off at my parent's house with my dad and drove in a blizzard to the hospital. We got to the hospital at 4:05pm they got me a room and I got undressed and in bed and at about 4:25 they checked me and I was 9+ dilated and contractions were about 2 mins apart. They called the doctor to break my water and they said the baby would be here soon. I was very shocked because the contractions weren't bad at all. So at 4:49 the doctor came in and broke my water, but when he broke my water the baby flowed out with my water. I didn't even push, she was born at 4:50pm. She was born at 36 weeks, but was only 1 day short of being 37 weeks, she scored 9 on her apgars and is a little jaundice, but does not need any further treatment. We were in the hospital until Tuesday and were able to go home together. I am so blessed. size='1'>**I lost all my other updates**

Welcoming our baby girl Feb. 11thThis is baby #4 for me! I have an 8 yr old son, a 5 yr old daughter and an 8 month old son. This pregnancy has been a little rough for me, I think it's because I just had a baby 8 months ago in March. It's just I feel so drained and by body is always aching. But I am blessed with 3 great kids and I am soooo excited about our new addition. CONGRATS to all the mommies out there

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roosa - Friday, 26 September
Yes, I would like to think they are playing up there together. Sliding on rainbows and jumping on clouds. A father lost a child and the child approached him in a dream and told him that is what the children do - they don't have swingsets, they slide on rainbows and jump on clouds. I know Kathleen is in a much better place but I so wish she was with us - how selfish is that...

Hugs,
Karin

roosa - Thursday, 25 September
Oh, how I wish I could give you a great big hug. My heart aches just thinking about what you are going through. I know I can't be there for you physically but I am here for you if you need to talk or vent, any time! It is so understandable that you are hurting and I hope you won't try and bottle it up. I believe that grieving is the only healthy road to healing that there is. Allow yourself to feel what you feel for as long as you feel it.

I will continue to pray for you - that God will comfort you and that you will have all the help and support you need during this difficult time.

Love and hugs,
Karin

crabscanfly - Tuesday, 23 September
Okay Thank you, I hope to get to the decal place tommrow, to place my order, I will let you no when i send the stuff to you. Thank you for letting me do this for you.. In Loving memory :)

roosa - Tuesday, 23 September
Julia, you are most welcome. Please know I am here for you anytime you need someone to talk to or just vent to. Letting your thoughts out can be healing - whether through sites like this or journaling.

I know you want little Ari to be proud of you and I am sure she is! Don't be hard on yourself though for grieving. It is a most natural thing and also the right thing to do for yourself. Don't let people pressure you into getting over it. We don't move on, but with time we move forward, even if the road is slow. Please know that there are people who understand your pain and I am here for you when you feel lonely.

Love,
Karin

crabscanfly - Monday, 22 September
You don't know how I feel;.
please don't tell me that you do.
There's just one way to know -- have you lost a child too?
"You'll have another child" - must I hear this each day?
Can I get another mother, too, if mine should pass away?

Don't say it was "God's will" -
That's not the God I know.
Would God on purpose break my heart,
then watch as my tears flow?
"You have an angel in heaven - a precious child above."
But tell me, to whom here on earth shall I give this love?

"Aren't you better yet?"
Is that what I heard you say?
No! A part of my heart aches -
I'll always feel some pain.
You think that silence is kind,
but it hurts me even more.
I want to talk about my child
who has gone through death's door.

Don't say these things to me,
although you do mean well.
They do not take my pain away;
I must go through this hell.
I will get better slow but sure -
and it helps to have you near.
But a simple "I'm sorry you lost your child"
Is all I need to hear.

here is the poem that came out of the SIDS canada book

crabscanfly - Monday, 22 September
No She has not went until oct 23, anothe rlady 2 hours away is going with her to. she lost her baby as well in march and the baby was only i think 21 days old. I will go to the decal place and get the decal(ribbon) I need your daughters full first name. SIDS canada sent us braclets a and magnets, so i will buy it off my sister and i will send it to you after the ribon decal is made. i jsut need her first name. My sister would like to no if she could get an extra ribbon(decal) made in loving memory of your daughter, and put it on the back window of her car, with the other 2 lil ones we have on there already??? My email address is HappyAss@shaw.ca

roosa - Monday, 22 September
I read about your loss on the "TTC after loss" forum. My heart goes out to you. I have tears in my eyes thinking of your loss and what you are going through. I know that loosing a baby brings emotions to existence we never knew existed and wish we still didn't know. The despair, the anger, the guilt, the immense sadness... I am truly, truly sorry.

I do hope and pray that you will get your BFP soon. I know no one can replace Arihanna but I think having new life growing inside of you will bring some comfort and distraction from the pain.

Love and hugs,
Karin

crabscanfly - Friday, 19 September
yes angel care is very annoying. I hope You SIDS projects go well. I know raising money wont bring back everyones lil ones that have saddly passed away from this. But It may help them Find a reason for this, so another parent does not have to go through what you guys have gone through. I was wondering if i could get A SIDS ribbon made for you in loving memory of your lil one, and send it to you, as well as a megnet and a braclet?

crabscanfly - Thursday, 18 September
my sister got a fire safe to put the last pair of clothes in it she wore, the ones where the medics cut off her,, she still hasnt washed any of the close she wore before that. I dont no how you dont lose you mind, i would be so scared now.. I have angel care for faith, but its so useless because when they roll, it must send like 12 false alarms off a night. we have raised 3600 dollars for far for SIDS Canada (research), we have a garage sale this saturday and then a bottle run next week to do. i think we should have no problem getting to, 5,000 dollars by the end of this year.