Pisces Pisces

Enjoy the music as you read my profile.

It is a bit long. I wanted to be fair, so everything in here are my own thought and feelings. I guess keep in mind there are always two side to every story. I know my side, and I can only guess the other side!

Hi Everyone! Please let me introduce myself in full. My name is Susan; I am 32 from Houston, Texas. I come from a family who are mostly hypocrites. Even though my family can be cruel to you if you don't make the right choices in life, I still love them all. I will always love my family even though I have been banished from all their memories.

I have a big heart and love everything in life. I believe in God and I live life praying that I do the right things in my life. No matter where I go in life; I always find friends. I have found life at times can be a little lonely for me because I have not found the Love of my life. Maybe it is not in God's plan for me to find my soul mate.

LOL.. I thought I had found my mate at the age of 20 when I got married However, It took me 11 1/2 years to discover that we were from two different worlds. I made a lot of mistakes while I was married which I feel bad for. My ex-husband also made a lot of mistakes (however he will never admit it) It is just way to easy for him to blame everything on me. I am woman enough to admit I did some stupid things however he is just not man enough to admit his own. I think it is just way to easy to him to play the victim. (play some violins please) I was living overseas towards the end of my marriage, while my ex-husband lived here in Houston and worked for Nasa. My spirit was dying there. I could not speak the language and his family was nice at first, however they changed! I could not take it there anymore. I wanted to come back, however my ex-husband would not allow that. So, I asked him If we could get a temporary divorce, just while I came back to the states and work on my marriage. Before I signed my children to my ex-husband custody, I looked at him and told him this is just temporary! Right? He said "Yes" After one year we will be back as a family again. I was stupid however I trusted him even though I had never trusted him while we were married.

LOL.. It has been over 2 years now, and he will not allow me to talk or see my kids. I miss them like crazy; however, I am nice to him only because I pray that one day he will find it in his heart to allow me to see my kids. LOL...

The sad thing is he never wanted kids EVER.. While I was pregnant, he was a monster. He made me do something’s that I have a hard time admitting to. Also, while I was pregnant with my 1st daughter he would push me and he rarely spoke to me. Yes, He was a complete A**H***.. You know, crazy me I still loved him and I would make excuses for him.

After, growing a little tired of living life alone, I decided to start looking for my partner. I am not the dating type, so I joined e-harmony (lol) big joke! I came across this one person whom I really enjoyed talking to and was looking forward to meeting. He was a nice person, he really did some super sweet things that even my ex-husband never did before or even while we where married. I gave into my emotions and did what only married people are suppose to do. I kinda felt cheap afterwards because later he gave me some lines about wanting to work out things with his ex-wife. I have a small feeling that in some way he may have been looking for something else besides a new relationship or just maybe to give him the benefit of the doubt, It could have been that he had been hurt by his first marriage and he really need time to recover.

Well, I found out later that I was pregnant. OMG!! I am

What! I am not married though. What am I going to do? Well, I told the guy I was pregnant. LOL! Why it is so easy for guys to think about abortions? I know some women that are ok with it. However it seems to be a man's first thought. When he suggested that I should consider having an abortion because this would be a life altering reminder of the fact that we would have a child with parents who are not married. He said he would feel bad having a child that would think that his father did not care about him.

LOL, I told him I was not willing to have an abortion. I lived that life with my ex and I was not ever going to go down that road EVER EVER EVER again! As long as I live I will never let a man decide my choices. God gave me a heart, a soul, and my own brain!

I will say this again, I do think he is a good person, I just think he is lost in his life. He gave up a life he loved for a woman who did not care. This is too bad because he seems to maybe have a good heart. However, I will never know because we do not have a future together. I am not sure if he will want anything to do with this child. I did tell him that I do not want anything from him. He is worried about financial responsibility. I told him that I will never ask him for anything. If he chooses he can do whatever he wants but it will not be because I asked him. I will not keep this child from knowing his/her father however I will not let him/her think that they where a mistake! I will remain friends with him now more then ever since their is a child on the way.

I do wish I would find someone who understands and accepts me as a person however; I am not going to get depressed about it. I know life is not always perfect. I am happy, I just wish that God would finally send me my knight in shining armor. (Do they exist?) LOL..

Now, I am looking to the future. I have a new child coming and I need to do everything I can to be the best parent possible. I do love children! I think God knew that and he blessed me with another lifelong gift. It is painful without my other babies and this one will not take their place. However maybe it will full some of the hole I have in my heart.

You know families are the keys to success. Friends come and go in life however a good strong family raised right can never be defeated because they always have each other.

I would like to say thank-you to my mother, she was mad at me at first however, now she is my biggest supporter.

I also go to school full time. I want to graduate with my degree in business management. I really want to own my own company again. I have wonderful people skills and I am not scared of hard work.

I am now just about 12 weeks prego, I will have to have a c-section due to the fact that I have had two other c-sections. In some way I kinda hope the baby’s father might consider coming down since it will be a planned delivery. However, I know he does have his own family. He is a wonderful single father of 2 boys. There are not a lot of men who really what to be full time dads however I feel he is doing a great job. Parenting is a hard full time job, which takes a lot of patients with more men generally lack. So, everyone I really think he should get a hand for a good single dad effort.