Looking forward to my 20 week scan in 3 weeks, when I get to find out whether I'm having a girl or a boy. Really can't wait and it seems sooo far away, will be exciting and I can certainly do with some nice surprises as the bd has only put nasty surprises my way. I'm happy and excited about this baby even though this pregnancy was certainly a shock. Good luck ladies x

25 April 2008.

I'm having a boy. I didn't mind as long as everything was/is healthy. Bd has decided that he wants to be involved now! Hmm I guess I have to wait and see. A lovely little boy, I have to admit I'm chuffed to bits. Only 17 weeks to go and it seems so far away. Longing to hold him in my arms.

01 June 2008

Wow just when I thought bd had given me plenty of (unpleasant) surprises during the course of my pregnacy, bing bang he pulls another out of the bag. Still after a couple of hours of being bothered, its out of my system already, which is refreshing. He no longer has the power to hurt me. I know me and my son will be absolutely fine. To all those mums-to-be going through the same headaches, the time will come when the power comes back to you. Keep strong x

22 June 2008

Well I threw caution to the wind and went on my spa holiday with the bd. Wow ladies if you get the opportunity to indulge in some/one treatment do it. I had the most relaxing time, which was sooo needed. I felt like a million dollars and the best thing was it didn't cost me a penny lol. And me and the bd managed to actually get along for the whole trip and as he plans on taking his paternity leave and spend it getting to know his son and 'helping' me, fingers crossed. Though I've come to expect the unexpected from him. I know he can no longer offer me anything emotionally, I'm starting to believe he'll do the right thing by our son and that we will be able to have a successful relationship as parents. Only 10 weeks to go before I get to meet the little boy whose feet and hands I can see and feel in my stomach. I'm scared and excited all at the same time. I wish I knew other local mums-to-be, still I'm sure I'll meet some at mother and baby groups!! None of my friends have small children or children at all and I'm sure I bore them senseless haha, what with my bd drama's, severe spd, anemia and other pregnancy related symptoms, the poor people.

23 July 2008

How time flies, can't really believe I'm here already, seems like only yesterday I discovered I was pregnant! I have had a funny feeling since I found out I was expecting that my son will arrive on the 24th August. Only 5 days ahead of my due date so fingers crossed. Have finished work already and my best friend held a baby shower for me a couple of weeks ago. There not very common in the UK but I can certainly see why they are popular in the States, I could not believe the amount of stuff I was given, big items too, like cotbed and an organic mattress. Bd is being very helpful at the moment, doing jobs around my house for me. My SPD has been so bad, that some days I've just sat and cried with the pain, still its all and means to an end and itll be worth it once my boy arrives. It's been an emotional journey at times but I'm in a happy place where bd is concerned at last. We can talk, get along, he still can't bring himself to be totally honest but I think (fingers crossed) we have reached an understanding that we both need to do the best for our son. Still actions speak louder than words, so i will see.

04 August 2008

Had my 36 week check up today. Boy is doing well, head engaged. Which I can certainly feel. My SPD is a real issue now and I'm now using crutches so I get to see the consultant soon and they might induce at 39 weeks, which I'm hoping for as the pressure is agony. Had bloods taken and strep B tests done, so fingers crossed all is well. Its getting exciting knowing I'll get to hold him soon.

11th August 2008. 37weeks

Well today I'm having one of those unreasonable, irriatable pregnancy days. On the plus side all tests came back ok and my iron levels are up so thats good. Had my appointment with consultant and what a complete waste of time that was, she said she won't induce before 42 weeks so advises bedrest. I think I shall be asking to see another doctor. I'm not asking to be induced very early just no longer than 40 weeks. And I made the mistake of letting bd come along, we rowed in the car on the way and all he did was moan about having to wait around, tho the cheeky arse told me his company pay him to attend MY antenatal appointments. Anyway wanted to kill him by the time he dropped me home and then he text to say he wouldn't be coming over this week. He's been popping over for a few hours once a week to check on me. He's obviously done his bit this week by coming to an appointment for once!! Arghhh the man drives me nuts. Still there was a time I would've been in tears and felt crushed by his attitude, now it just makes me wanna slap him senseless and I've lumbered my son with him as a father. And while I'm venting about the pillock, just wait till i'm in labour, the mofo is gonna get it. It pains me to be nice to him now. I'm still seriously debating having him there when i'm in labour as he's as supportive as wet tissue paper and i know he will only get on my nerves. I was only gonna let him be there so he got to see his son born, certainly not as any support for me but now I'm not sure. My best friend was always gonna be my birthing partner, she's a no nonsense kinda gal and i know i can rely on her 100%. Hmmm decisions, decisions. I don't wanna deny him seeing his son born but i don't want him doing my head in. Perhaps I could gag him and tie to a chair in the corner and ignore him lol.

22nd August 2008. 38.4 weeks

Still huge and my feet have started to resemble beach balls, seriously impressive how swollen and painful they are. It was a very sad day when I realised only flip flops just about fit. Still another pregnancy side effect experienced. I'm rather cranky now, have moments when my sense-of-humour returns, not helped by the imfamous bd. My friends took me out saturday night for a dance and a giggle as I won't be out for a while, might be even longer if me and bd can't come to an agreement over our boy. I didn't feel to glam in my flip flops and dancing was definately out but it was a cool night. I treated myself to a facial today and was in a reasonable mood till bd phoned!! My best friend (a decent man) pointed out to me that maybe bd is just freaking out cos its not long to go. Tough shite, I say. I don't phone him and give him grief though I would seriously like to. I thought we were getting along ok, but he spends time with his gf and I'm public enemy No1. I'm kinda sad that my son won't get the traditional family start but I know I don't bd back ever. Still I had hoped we could work together for the little man, not looking promising at the moment but I guess I will have to wait and see. Its at the point where he makes me cringe and want to emigrate just to get away from him but he is the boys father so he gets one shot to do the right thing by our boy. Another best friend is coming to stay on sunday for 2 weeks, she's also my birth partner, so it'll be lovely having her close by. I had worried about going into labour and her not making it in time and being left with just bd, lol. I've decided to let him come along for delivery under strict instruction to leave me alone, not get in the way or he will be removed. I'm hoping i can just ignore him and pretend he's not there, or if i'm really lucky gf will kick off and he won't come haha i can but hope lol. Wow what a ramble from me!! x

28th August 2008 39.4 weeks

Had appointment with the midwife this afternoon, his head is totally engaged, hence my SPD pain and discomfort. Midwife thinks my babys arrival will be very soon, within the next couple of days, hurrah, has cheered me up. Still terrified of the whole birth though. Had to go the hospital to be monitored for an hour as he hasn't been moving much but all is well. Wow seems unbelievable that my little man will be with me soon. Seems like only yesterday I discovered I was pregnant. Bd hasn't been in touch, whch is good but hurtful at the same time, still I'll have my little man to focus all my energy on and not the loser bd.

4th September 2008 - 40.3 weeks

I went to see a maternity reflexologist today, she worked on the relevant areas and said she hopes labour will happen within 48 hours. It was very relaxing and if nothing happens it was a lovely, calm treatment which made me feel a million times better. Midwife appointment this afternoon, i was told last week that they would do a sweep today but surprise surprise, I got to see a different midwife and she said no, they won't even consider doing it until next week. I've not seen the same midwife twice and I must admit the continuity of care absolutely sucks. So I insisted she make me an appointment to see consultant on Monday which she did, thankfully. She also said she could hardly feel his head as he's well down. Hmmmm the fact I have to wear a support belt and use crutches because of the severity of my spd makes this very difficult too. Still he will be hear soon, fingers crossed. Been having cramps this evening but don't wanna get to excited just in case its a false alarm. Bd is still ignoring me, lets hope this boy takes after his mother lol.