More....

Hey! I'm 21 and expecting my first baby, a boy. I'm happily married to a wonderful husband...who I love very much..we're sooooo excited about having a baby..we're going to name him Ian Nathaniel. I've been on here since about 6weeks pregnant..but didn't have the internet (had it on my phone but was limited) so I've been reading every week....My baby is due September 9th...although my Dr. believes it'll be an august baby..which I'd love. He also said he wouldn't let me go over 2days my due date..which is even more awesome!! Makes me happy. Um...thats all I can think of right now...I'd love to make some friends!!!!

Twas the day I found out!

tis an old pic of me...with my labret =( which I missmy husband and I when we were just dating

me again..with my labret..*sadness* I don't have any newish photos..so..I have a bunch of old ones though...oy!

July 11th, 2007

EEK...I hate heartburn..I've had it all friggin' day. Plus..I feel as if I'm back to the 1st trimester...with all the sniffles, cold thingymabopper...*sigh* I officially cannot see my feet..I noticed this earlier today while I was getting ready to go to sleep..I looked down..and all I saw was the mountain of white skin...no feet..I even tried kickin them up...still..no feet..no legs..noo hoohah....just my whale sized belly....I cried..I did..my husband laughed...I admit..it is funny..and sad at the same time. My Dr. appointment is the 13th..woot..I"m excited..ready to go...I also got approved for Medicaid today...BIG SCORE!!! I've only been trying since..ehhhhh.....MARCH! The only thing that sucks is we're not getting reimbursed like we thought we were...I mean..we still are..from 5-1 to now.....but WE were told it would be from when we were 1st trying to get approved..which was March..but eh...better than nothing ya know...can't complain...I can't believe we've already paid outta pocked a lil over 2,000 bucks...it'll be nice to get money back...gah..we need it...we really do...hopefully my card will come in soon...we called the Medicaid person at the hospital to see if she had gotten anything done b/c it had to be finalized by the 13th...and she said she approved it, and we should be getting a card in the mail a couple of days...hopefully it'll be in by my appointment....I wanna get a tour of the hospital..and I kinda need my card and all that jazz to do that, and finish the paperwork up properly...I don't wanna wait til my next appointment to do this ya see...and the hospital is like an hour away..so I can't just really go as I please..I can..but..eh. I also have a wedding to go to on the 14th..which I honestly don't want to go to..it's not a lie..I don't..I've never been so harassed in my life to go to someones wedding..the thing is..there will be ppl there I won't like...girls who still act 13 and like they're in high school..they'll act "buddy buddy" try to rub my belly...the thing is..if I like ya...I'm awesome..but if I know you're one of those "drama queens" "faker" "he/she said" type of person..I"ll call ya out...I tell it like it is...and I'm worse now that I'm preggers.....hehehehe....this shall be interesting....but I have to go...b/c my dress..looks good on me...I tried it on the other night..and wooo I'm one hot momma *struts stuff* my boobs are like...nice..haha..no they haven't grown..they're still the same size..but..hey..they are nice..I can't deny..I might just stop the wedding with muh hooters!!! jk....I hope I don't...IN that dress...I make being pregnant sexeh....oh yea *purses lips* My husband is one lucky feller *slaps ass* hahaha....it's funny that I'm so confident of myself...see...I have like..no self esteem..but I liked what I saw yesterday..mmhmm..I've lost weight..I can tell...my bra now fits on the 1st latch thingy....the 1st one!!! It's NEVER done that..it's always been the VERY last...so I'm one happy camper...now all I have to do is get rid of some love handles...hrm.. If anyone told me I'd loose weight being pregnant..I would have told them they were dumb. I haven't gained any weight during my pregnancy..so my dr. says I've lost quite a bit, and apparently you can tell..which makes me sooo happy b/c I sooo needed too. The doc says I'll loose probably 50 pounds after this critter pops out....which is SUCH a relief...I cannot tell you how proud I will be of myself. I'm sick of being "overweight" my husband thinks i'm sexy..but I need to think I am too...by no means do I EVER wanna weigh 130....when I weighed 170-180 people thought I weighed in at 135..honestly..you gotta consider how much my knockers weigh =P jk...no but seriously...I hold weight very well..I do...if you knew how much I weighed now..chances are ya wouldn't believe me...so I do know I have a beautiful body...I am one curvy, vivacious, spunky, sexy thang...hahaha...I'm looking forward to loving myself...I need self esteem...I deserve it..it's about time. =) anywho..that's it for now..read if ya please!

July 9th, 2007

Bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what is my deal!?!?! I'm just soooo panicky! Argh. Everyone around me is excited, my husband is estatic, you should just see how his eyes light up when he thinks about the baby, or even looks at me...I can honestly say, I know my husband loves me, and he thinks I"m just beautiful....which is quite nice =) I just wish I could share the joy...I want a baby, don't get me wrong...it's just...am I capable of taking care of another life, such a little petite thing? *sigh* I'm so scared I"ll be a horrible mother, or I"ll be clueless...wait..I am clueless...my Dr. tells me I'm just anxious, and I need to chill..but I am sooooooooo scared. My friend recently had her baby last Monday, she is sooo happy..but she's good at taking care of people and, she's smart..and I"m a ditz, I have a huge heart, and care...but I swear...I'm not the brightest crayon in the box. My In-Laws stress me out to the max....seems I'm never good enough for them b/c I don't come from a "rich snooty family" I honestly...cannot stand my father-in-law...I don't feel comfortable around him..there is something about him, that isn't right...if you knew...you'd agree...trust me...but he's sooo hateful...he brings in big bucks, and looks at me like I'm just a pathetic little thing, I swear, I know if it were up to my husbands family, they would have chose someone else, from a classy background, skinny, perky..yada yada...I"m sorry, I say what I think, I say what I believe in, I love my family, and I love David...I was there for him when his mom passed away from MS...his family....just didn't care...his grandparents are there for him..thats it...of course his grandparents would always make "weight" comments around me...and when they said my mom couldn't be a good grandma..that pissed me off...my parents are deaf...not stupid..I swear people are hateful. My mom & step-dad came over the 6th to shoot of fireworks, it was a blast! I just wish my mom could be a mom for once. Sadly..she didn't raise me, nor my father....they tried....and Drinking heavily, knockin the crap outta each other, the drugs, the cheating...I saw it all...yea...when my grandma was alive...I stayed with her...but she passed away in november of.....98...maybe?? somethin like that..I was 12, then that Christmas, my mom caught my dad and soon to be step mom in bed.....then on my 13th birthday, in Jan...my dad left...the next christmas, my dad tried to rape me, and I knocked him out...heh...needless to say, my aunt (mom's sister) very strict....got custody of me...I know my parents did the right thing by giving her custody..then again..why couldn't they just stop all the crap...for me?? When I was 16, my dad killed himself...heh..funny...July 8th was the day....his side of the family..which has nothing to do with me..blamed it on me...b/c I didn't have anything to do with him..so I caused him this....I spent years of depression b/c of all this crap....I was never good enough for anyone in my family..they always thought I would end up just like my parents, always compared me to them....that same summer, I did try to kill myself...I used to be a cutter, I o'd on my allegra, my prozac, and some tylenol.....and my aunt found out..thought I faked it, then called the hospital....it was a miracle I survived, then I had to go to a psychiatric hospital for 2wks...which is understandable, and they said I don't have depression, but I'm bi-polar (my mom is) so I had to take lithium forever....then..when I turned 18..I got tired of all the crap, and moved out..quit all my pills period..and I haven't had any since...shockingly, I'm apparently not "bi-polar" I have more of a stress disorder, I haven't done cutting, or anything like that, since I left home..even when my ex cheated on me, stole quite a bit of money from me, and tried to beat the crap outta me...which didn't work...I can defend myself....I know I'm a better person...b/c I know what NOT to do in life...but...I keep thinking..ya know..what if...what if I'm a failure?? My Dr. says I'm perfectly fine, and it's just fear, which I guess it is..but you can see my reasons for being scared to death...I still to this day...wish my mom would grow up...she acts like a 13year old..I feel as if I have to mother my own mom..*sigh* she still does pot, drinks some...she quit most drugs...and most drinking..but still...ya know??? I wish I had a mother....not a best friend who tries to pressure me into doing stupid things. I still wish I didn't have to see all that crap growing up, things I'll never forget, I don't understand why they couldn't grow up, and raise their child??? There is no excuse for what they did. I do love my mom..very much..it's just...I don't know...I want my baby, to have a grandma..ya know...I'm gonna have to explain to Ian "grandma is just strung out, I'm so sorry" how am I gonna tell him things? She will never cut the crap...she said she'd quit cigs..but not her pot...ridiculous...she does that all day long...all the time...& I hate it, she doesn't smoke around me, since I got pregnant that is...b/c I told her not to...period, my child will not be around that, period. My mom is a good person..just....I don't know how to help her. The rest of my family are nothing like that, my mom is the "bad sheep" and they are finaly realizing...that I learned from her mistakes, I'm a big girl..and nor am I that stupid to do that to my body. I love my family, I do...but living with my aunt & uncle...I just couldn't do....too stressful, but I am thankful for my family, my cousins..all of them, they care, they make me laugh...and they tell me to tell my in-laws where to stick it..which isn't so easy. See..when Dave's mom passed away, he inherited the house (his parents were going thru a divorce and his dad gave us the house) but it's still in his name...but he says it's ours, we don't pay rent or anything...I'm sick of him putting me down, telling me how I should live my life..it just pisses me off, I am going to raise my child, and that's that, I'm not his wife, I'm his sons, thank God for that...he always tells me how I make him think of Dave's mom when they 1st met.....flirting, buying me low-cut shirts, he even bought me a bra...and at christmas...lingerie..I kid you not...am I not supposed to feel weird??? I feel as if I'm losing my mind...argh...he has never been there for Dave, he left, and Dave had to deal with his sick mother, be the man of the house..how is that right? My aunt also suffers from M.S. but it's remissive, Dave's moms was progressive. I love my husband so much..and I'm there for him no matter what..but I honestly hope his father moves to the state capitol and gets a job there...and moves...I know thats hateful..but I want ppl to quit meddling in our lives! Argh! Sorry I'm not some prissy valley girl who loves shopping and putting makeup on...I don't! I wear tshirts & jeans, hoodies, I goof off, put my hair in ponytails, don't wear makeup often, don't even straighten my hair...I feel as if I have my own natural beauty...why try to be like everyone else? I love concerts, music, rocking, I love piercings, tatts...and all that...and I'm always the funny one...my friends love me, my family loves me..b/c I'm me...and I am ALWAYS there when someone needs me...I am sick of people wanting me to be something I'm not. I am a good friend, I am a good wife, kick ass that is, I love my family, I am loyal, I am always helpful, and damn it...I'm going to be a good mother, sick of people downing me, I dont' need it. I'm sorry, if anyone is reading this, you probably hate me..or think I"m trash or something...but I assure you, I'm not. Get to know me before you judge me. *sigh* this is the stress...I"m talkin about lol. At least the nursery is done..and I love our house...love love it, and I love living out in the country, looking at the stars...it's amazing, Ian will love it here. If in laws think I'm a pain now b/c I stand for what I believe.....heh..just wait if they try to tell me what is right and wrong, in their opinion.....ooooooooooooooooooooh...this is my baby, and dave's...I'm sorry, I didn't scrog his grandparents or his dad now did I ....no.....my husband and I made this together, this is our dream, to have a family, and raise it how WE believe it should be.....argh...sorry sorry...I don't mean to be sooo hateful...I'm just so stressed, scared, excited...heh...I think I'll cut this post now...it's loooooooong =P anywho, God bless you all. Dave & I are still trying to figure out what church to go to.......I'm a baptist, he's episcipalion..err however you spell it. Honestly, I would like a non judgemental church, who believes in God. Trust me..it's hard to find...everyone thinks they are right and yada yada...I believe in God, and I know Jesus died for our sins, I pray daily...I just hate judgemental people..and there seems to be alot that go to churches, in this area anyway.

July 2, 2007

Good Grief!! This heartburn is killing me...I've never had it sooo bad in my life =( I don't see how I can take anymore...argh :S I can't sleep..do anything without it bothering me...all day long....wth? Other than that..I'm still growing..I don't know how..but I am. To think..I'm gonna grow more..that seriously scares me..nothing fits me anymore =( hopefully I can do some shopping at old navy online..applied for a card..so we'll see..they're super cheap compared to everything else! I've gotta have something to wear.....these clothes I have been wearing..aren't gonna cut it..I can't go out nude..hahahaha...although it is pretty hot..hmmm. J/K. So I added music to zee page...tis my MOST favorite song ever.....so..hah! I'm obsessed with that band..thought about adding more music...but we'll see..I'm afraid I'll have a zillion on there b4 this is over..I'm a music freak! Ian has been kickin me pretty hard..still weirds me out..I'm just not used to it. I cannot believe my husband is excited and ready for the baby to come..isn't that supposed to be the mom to be? I feel horrible because I'm more scared than excited....honestly...I'm so so so so scared, I suppose thats common but I wish I could just relax. *sigh* Still waiting on medicaid to come thru...we've been trying since march..see we were insured...but my husband lost his last job & insurance in march, we applied the day after, waited, waited, finally called and had to do alot of b.s......stupid stupid, and they said "your husbands car is too nice" wtf??? Ok..I don't work, he does..and we have bills...pregnant..not insured..shouldn't they be happy we have a car that runs??? So we asked if we took mine off (which had been sitting for a year) would be able to get approved..nope they said...so...finally last month, we gave the title to his car, to his grandpa, and are now driving mine..and his is sitting..which I hate..his is roomier, better on gas mileage..mine is a chevy cavalier 2 dr....ugh. She said we had til the 13th to get approved..or either her send it off..not sure which one..but...good lord, it's ridiculous...we've been paying 450 a month to the hospital...thats not counting blood work, u/s...and all that..sooo...yeah. I've known ppl to get approved with NO problem....who didn't really need it..so it pisses me off..b/c we weren't trying to take "advantage" of the system...I was insured..so *sigh* it's been very very very stressful =( One medicaid worker said maybe I should consider adoption or abortion in march..I was p.o'd....what kinda advice is that?!!?! Then she pretty much said it was hard for me to get it b/c I'm married..so...we get married and have kids...the ideal way..and we get punished....I know LOTS of girls that got preggers in high school...got medicaid, got pregnant again, again, again..diff. guys...and they have NOTHING to do with their children, their parents still keep them..so they can go out and party party, drugs..blah blah....it makes me so mad...I'm not bashing teen mothers btw..my best friend was one..and she's phenomenal..so don't get started. I just can't stand ppl who abuse the system..and when someone needs it..it's a bitch to get....hopefully I"ll get approved soon..otherwise I honestly don't know how we're gonna get thru this financially..........so that sucks..alright..for now..I suppose I'm done...dunno if anyone reads this or not...hrm..I'm ready for my Dr. appt! it's july the 13th also..ahaha...then a friends wedding is the day after...oy..I don't wanna go honestly b/c I'm moody, blimp sized..I waddle, I pee alot..and I gripe alot =P I don't see how I'm gonna be able to sit for 2 hours or whatever..and keep my legs together...my dress is short! hahaha..sorry!

June 28th, 2007

So..finally...this Saturday, the Nursery is getting painted..which I'm psyched about..FINALLY...I've never been so impatient in my whole life..arghhhh. We still have to wash the walls...get some more stuff..then my father-in-law is coming over to help out...i'm so so happy. We pretty much have a crib, bedding, swing, pack n play, high chair, bathtub thingy....pretty nifty...my baby shower isn't til July 28th..and I'm soo nervous..I'm scared no one will show...I sure people will, but it's just a fear. I still can't believe I'm so close to my due date....seems like just yesterday that I found out I was preggers...wow..I'm so so scared, my husband is ready...I'm just so scared, I hope I'll be able to get the hang of everything, scared of labor, raising a baby..I guess all the fears every 1st time mom goes through..I suppose....I just need to chill. I'm also happy about 4th of july, my parents are coming up and we're gonna shoot off fireworks..man it's good to live out in the country, can shoot em off whenever. Hrm..I suppose some ppl that think of Arkansas think of porta pottys and no teeth, overalls..etc. I can assure you, I have all my teeth, they're in good shape, I have 2 bathrooms..and I dare not wear overalls =P I hate cows and what not..all that stuff skurrs me..lol...so...don't assume I'm like something out of deliverance..hahaha..I'm not that bad..j/k j/k. Anywho...just trying to get used to everything on this site..it's so different from mobile internet..wow..I can actually do stuff *shock shock* anywho..anyone feel free to msg me or what not...I'm laraking86@hotmail.com on msn, groovy_chica04@yahoo.com on yahoo........and I'm lonely!

I'm one groovy chic!

web counter