lizzie287
	Age: 24 Country: Canada Province/region: BC City: Cranbrook Partner: Ryan Children: Yes, 1 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation: Life Skills Worker/ Support Worker
	Online: 2 days ago. Last updated: 7 days ago. Member since: 236 days
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March 27, 2008

I'm now 23 weeks, 4 days pregnant. 16 weeks to go. The first 16 weeks flew by, does that mean the last 16 weeks will too??? It occurred to me yesterday that I get 4 more paycheques before I'm going on mat leave. 4! The baby is viable in 3 days. That's kind of easing my mind a little bit, although obviously I don't want her to be too early. Just, you know, a couple days early maybe.

We had a prenatal check-up yesterday. Ryan couldn't come because he started a new job yesterday! YAY! But so much for my oh so awesome weight control so far. I shot up 15 pounds last month! GAH! I guess all that chocolate cake that I was craving did me in. I knew I shouldn't be too encouraged when I lost 11 pounds, but oh well, that just means I have to be more diligent in my veggie eating. So now, with that, I've gained 10kg, whatever that means in pounds. 10 is a smaller number so I'll just stick with that lol. The heart rate was 130-140 bpm ... she doesn't like to give me a concrete number. Blood pressure was at 120/70. So all is well. Just gotta slow down on the sugar lol. Get to go to the hospital next week for my glucose test. That should be fun.

Here's the thing though. I keep dreaming about the birth. Isn't it a little soon for that??? Cuz consequently, it's freakin me out! I mean, as weird as it is, I'm kinda looking forward to it. It's like a rite of passage or something, I don't know. I am excited to suffer at the hands of my baby. Sick ... twisted ... VERY. Ryan has also been dreaming that my water is breaking and stuff.

23 weeks .... WOW.

March 5, 2008

I'm falling into some crazy nesting phase right now. This can't be THE ONE though so I'm trying really hard to deny my urge to buy everything under the sun that I see for baby. I have also been watching birthing stories on youtube ... of course that means I'm sitting here bawling on a regular basis. That happens no matter what I'm watching though. As I mentioned in one of the forums I sobbed hysterically through Juno. Unreal.

One of my best friends from grade school's girlfriend is due March 10 so I'm totally looking forward to seeing their baby. We lost touch for years but reconnected when we discovered we happened to have moved about an hour apart in BC so it's really neat that we're kind of experiencing this together.

So we had our 20 week ultrasound yesterday. The sonographer didn't say anything so I guess that means it's good. I was a little bummed out that she couldn't tell me any of the measurements. I guess I'll have to wait a couple weeks to see my OB/GYN. What she did tell me though, was that she thinks it's a girl. She showed us that the umbilical cord was sitting between her legs so it was a little tough to say for certain, but the baby gave us a really perfect bum shot and we saw what looked distinctly like labia. So I'm feeling pretty confident that it's a girl.

Everything was so cute though. She was kickin around having a little party. She's laying sideways in my belly which kinda explains the fact that I feel like a total wideload lol. I feel huge, not pregnant. I still am only feeling little flutters too which is a little bit concerning for me. I can't wait to feel the big kicks, and especially for Ryan to feel them. He keeps putting his head on my belly and telling baby that I'm hogging all the fun and how jealous he is lol. He's so adorable, it breaks my heart.

February 24, 2008

I cannot stop EATING! I figure it's time I clear out my first trimester here ... For those that care to know what happened ... nothing. Had a good NT scan, good check ups ... everything is fab :) And now, well, now I'm just hungry. All. The. Time.

February 18, 2008

I developed an addiction to jelly beans overnight. I don't know where it came from, but I just cannot stop eating these things. I finally have the date for my next ultrasound - March 4. I'm so excited I could die. And I don't have to go to Calgary for this one. Thank GOD because I'm so not interested in another drive.

I'm feeling a little bit better today. I think I forgot to mention before that while I was visiting Mom, she bought us a crib. It was on sale and I absolutely could not walk away without it, but I didn't have any money. A $300 crib marked down to $99.90? Yeah, I thought not lol. It's a discontinued model, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it other than it was manufactured in 2005. Big deal lol. So I've been staring at this crib for the past week thinking about how badly I want to put it together. But the problem with that is, we live in an itty bitty 1 bedroom apartment so to put it together, I'd have to rearrange all the other furniture and I'm just not that energetic. Plus, once it's together that'll be a kick in the ass for me to start buying everything else for baby, like the crib set and wall decos (cuz I can't in here) and clothes, and ...... you know the deal.

My morning sickness just isn't going away. Thank goodness Diclectin is working for me, but I don't want to have to take it all 9 months, so every now and then I try to cut down to 1 or whatever, and lo and behold, I get excruciatingly nauseous. Can't even keep water down. It's awful. I guess i should just be glad that the pills work, because I absolutely cannot afford to be off work. I just wish it was over though. I hate relying on them - I ran out before and that was the most miserable 2 days before I could get into the Dr.

February 16, 2008

Ok so Mom didn't wave her magic Mom wand and make me feel better. Her friend made me feel worse (constantly criticizing me and throwing out suggestions and hints - I know, the heart is in the right place, but for crying out loud ...) I keep getting barked at by my friends and her friends, and everyone else, about what I should and shouldn't be eating and drinking. The thing is, I don't drink coffee (although I'll admit I probably drink more pop than I should - which I'm working on), I don't eat a lot of sweets (the odd twizzler or chocolate egg), and I've been craving cucumbers and apples like crazy. When I want ice cream, I eat sorbet instead. When I want chocolate, I don't run to the store and have a chocolate bar. No, I have chocolate milk. Sure, not the best, but it's better than the alternative. I'm trying so hard to eliminate my bad habits of eating fast food when I'm having a busy day and to get into the habit of cooking dinner and making healthy choices, not only for my pregnancy, but for when the baby actually gets here and grows up. But I feel like nobody has faith in my ability to make good choices.

And then there's Mom... oh mother. I already explained about how convinced she was that my baby was going to be a monster child blessed with defect upon defect and how I should have an abortion. She's over that, now that she knows that the baby is healthy. But now, the focus has turned to Ryan and coming up with any excuse possible for me NOT to be with him. She actually said the words "Think with your head, not your heart. Just because he's the father of your child doesn't mean you need to feel obligated to him". I don't feel obligated to him, I love him! He's the most amazing person I've ever met! She's got this distorted view of reality, a complete conspiracy theorist, and she's convinced that his parents' trying to help us is an attempt to control me. Umm. No. She takes everything out of context and turns it into a slap in the face against her. There's always something that someone says that offends her. And what about her? Oh, she can do no wrong. Again, I refer to the abortion thing. Ryan was SO offended by that, and I was incredibly hurt by it. But I have the capacity to understand where she was coming from, and although I'm still really pissed about it, I let it go and don't rub her nose in it everytime we speak. And yet something tells me that from now on, every time I speak to her, I'm going to hear something about breaking up with Ryan. It's not happening.

If she's so concerned about my wellbeing and her grandchild, then why is she constantly stressing me out???? Parents are supposed to make this easier, not harder. ARGH!

February 2, 2008

Alright. I'm finally ready to admit it. The first movement that I thought I felt way back on week 12 ... totally was just a cramp. I really did think it was the baby though. Wishful thinking I guess.

I've been feeling little flutters here and there for a couple weeks but I've been reluctant to say for sure that I know it's the baby, just because they've been so faint. Well, Thursday, I DEFINITELY felt the baby. There's no mistaking what I felt. I was just sitting here, mindin my own business, reading a baby book (ironically enough, reading about baby's first movements lol), when all of a sudden I felt what seemed to be a dozen wild butterflies having a party in my belly. At first I was like, what the hell, those are weird hunger paings ... and then it hit me - Holy shit the baby is moving! Ryan was sitting beside me playing video games, and I'm like, oh my gosh, the baby's having a party! So naturally he comes reeling over fighting to touch my belly. "where is it? where is it?" lol I can't wait until he can actually feel the movements too. Neither can he. But YAY! Active little monster I've got in there.

I was talking to my mom today too, told her about that movement. She believed me this time lol. Hint number 2 that yeah, the first ones were really just wishful thinking. She was telling that when she was pregnant with me, whenever I would stretch and poke her in the ribs, she would poke me back, and then I would start kicking her, and she would continue poking me, and we would have a little poking war until I fell asleep lol. Isn't that hilarious?

January 30, 2008

... Today, I'm sad. I've been sad a lot lately. I don't know why, but I feel like nothing is good enough right now. Everything that happens, good or bad, just makes me feel worse. I've been struggling with trying to be compassionate to Ryan, who has been "trying" unsuccessfully to quit smoking. Of course, it doesn't help that he keeps saying "I'm just doing it for you". What about the baby?? what about making sure you're healthy for this child??? It just concerns me especially because he's got this nasty phlegmy cough that sounds curiously close to an emphysema cough. He's had it since I met him, and it calmed down for the few days that he managed not to smoke. It just breaks my heart that it's not as important to him as it is to me. When I found out I was pregnant, I quit as soon as the doctor told me it was safe to go cold turkey (I was concerned about withdrawals for the baby as I've heard that quitting smoking can actually give the baby a heart attack).

Other than that, I have these little flashes where it occurs to me that in less than 6 months, I'm going to be a mom. That's such a trip for me. I still feel like I need my mommy, how the hell am I supposed to BE one??? I'm just so overwhelmed with feeling like I want to do the right things and be healthy and everything, and I know that feeling so down is not helping the baby at all ... I don't know what to do.

On top of everything else, Ryan and I have been fighting over the fact that I've been quiet. I'm not trying to shut him out but I don't know how to explain to him how I'm feeling. How do you tell someone that, other than his smoking, the other things that are depressing me are him working all the time (which is a good thing, I know - we need the money) and not being here with me. I just miss him so much when he's not here. I don't know anyone in town because of the nature of my job, (I work alone and a lot) and frankly I'm just not that social of a person to begin with. I'm shy, I'm quiet ... I miss my friends out east, and all I want is to have people close to me. I just hate being alone right now when I'm feeling so sad and I don't know what to do about it.

Next week we're going to visit my mom for a week because it's my birthday on Wednesday. I'm hoping that seeing her will help make me feel better. I haven't seen her since my move out here 6 months ago so hopefully ... I dunno, hopefully she can wave her magic Mom wand and make me feel more confident in my ability to do this.

January 14, 2008

Nausea has finally passed! I'm starting to get energy again! Oh my goodness, I think I can officially say that being pregnant DOESN'T SUCK ANYMORE! YAY!!! My family has started getting excited for the baby now that we know that everything is healthy and safe and okay. Up until last week my mom has been pushing for me actually terminate the pregnancy because I have rheumatoid arthritis and some of the meds I was taking to control it are pretty harsh. The one commonly used one, Methotrexate (you hear all about it if you watch House lol), is actually often used to abort ectopic pregnancies. It wasn't good enough for my mother to hear that if anything were going to happen with the baby, it never would have implanted because, surprise, I do have a brain, and the instant I thought I might potentially BE pregnant I stopped taking it. Regardless, in spite of her constant nagging and "It's not fair to Ryan!" assertions, I kept on trucking only to prove her wrong. I can't tell you how good that felt. And how good it felt for me to say, "had I listened to you, an innocent life would be over. How do you feel about that?" Guilt trip? Sure, a little, but she had it coming. You don't tell someone repeatedly that they should abort and expect not to have me talk back when it turns out that I'm right. lol.

Ok I think my rant is over. The fact is baby is happy and healthy and smiling (well maybe not, but in my head she is) and kicking and just plain wonderful, my mom is starting to exude Grandma vibes to all the babies that come into her work, everyone's just super pumped to have the first baby coming around! I'm so very happy :)

Tuesday, 1 Jan

Pregnancy Survey

About You

Name?: Amanda
Age?: 23 (24 in a month)
Height?: 5 `4 `
Pre-pregnancy weight?: no comment.

About The Father

Name?: Ryan
Age?: 25
Height?: 5 `10 `
Are you still together?: yes

About Your Pregnancy

Is this your first pregnancy?: yes
When did you find out you were pregnant?: a couple days after missed period.
Was it planned?: no
What was your first reaction?: `Oh shit .... `
Who was with you when you found out?: Ryan
Who was the first person you told?: Ryan, then Manda, then his parents.
How did your parents react?: surprised at first, his parents much more accepting than mine, the idea `s growing on my mom, and my dad `s super geeked.
How far along are you?: 11 weeks
What was your first symptom?: heart burn! oh the pain!
What is your due date?: July 22, 2008
Do you know the sex of the baby?: no, not yet
.If so, what is it?:
Have you picked out names?: yuppers!
If so, what are they?: Brea Elizabeth Casey, or Seth Michael Casey
How much weight have you gained?: Last time I was weighed I had gained over 6 pounds already :S
Do you have stretch marks?: ...no comment? lol
Have you felt the baby move?: not yet, still too soon.
Have you heard the heartbeat?: Next week will be the first time!

About the birth

Will you keep the baby?: Of course
Home or hospital birth?: not sure yet.
Natural or medicated birth?: I `d like a natural birth but we `ll see what happens.
Who will be in the delivery room with you?: Ryan.
Will you breastfeed?: Yes
Do you think you `ll need a c-section?: Don `t see why I would.
Will you cry when you hold the baby for the first time?: first time i see the baby, first time i hear its heart beat, first time i hold the baby ... I `m a big cry baby.
What `s the first thing you might say to him/her?: Lol well we `ll just ave to see in July.
Would you let someone videotape the birth?: hmmm no.
Are you excited about the birth, or scared?: A little from column A, a little column B.