Wayne got all emotional and cried while I practically wet myself! I laughed all day ~ must have been the shock. I couldn’t believe it! We got a B.O.G.O.F! Buy One Get One Free.!

A double blessing soon meant double the hormones, double the sickness. My sickness was bad enough first time round carrying one!!

06/11/07 – 7 Weeks 3 days

Went to the doctors regarding my sickness he signed me off for a week.

With Jasmine I was able to get on with my life, I was sick everywhere I went ,in the Car, Tesco you name it morning noon and night, I worked in a nursing home where there were 30 rooms with en-suite. I swear I must have christened all the toilets several times over.
Well this time? I was even worse! I was so sick! I could hardly move from my bed let alone make it out of the front door.

I spent weeks at home not leaving the house . I couldn't hold anything down for weeks. I drank water, not really for thirst, just so I had something to bring up everytime I vomited. I was vomiting as much as 20 times a day. The Dr tried me on a no. of anti-sickness pills that didn't help. Then I tried cyclazine, the only trouble was I slept after taking it. This gave me a break from being sick but it was depressing to wake up to Jasmine coming home at 3.30pm when it was getting dark through the winter. The day would go & I would still be in my pj's, house a mess, nothing done.
I felt guilty for not enjoying the pregnancy after all, I wanted to be pregnant so much.

21.11.07- 9wks 4d

I attempted to go return to work to do a late shift. I only lasted 2 hours before going home. I had been off sick for 2 wks & felt almost embarrased that I was still off. After all, I went to work sick when expecting Jasmine, but deep down I knew I wasn't well enough. My weight had dropped over a stone causing me to be underweight, weak & drained. Part of me wanted to push myself to work, but I wouldn't have been any use to anyone. Had to remind myself I was carrying twins which made my symptoms worse. My body needed rest to gain strength & feel better. No point in making things worse by returning to work before I was ready. Had to admit defeat, I rarely go sick.

3.12.07-11wks 2d

I started spot bleeding brown blood. I knew brown was old blood & I shouldnt be worried unless it was fresh blood so I wasn't concerned.

4.12.07-11wks 3d

Sick up to 1pm, nothing new there. I decided to phone the Dr just to report the bleeding but knew there was nothing they would do. They told me it was common especially in a twin pg. I then hung up & phoned work about returning. Although I was still being sick it wasn't constant, some afternoons I had a break from it for a couple of hours at a time before it returned in the evening. It was easing to what it was. I was discussing going back to work at the end of the week, when suddenly without warning I gushed bright red blood. It wasn't accompanied with pain, but that didn't put me at ease as I thought that pain was to follow . I was still on the phone! I couldn't go from "yes I'm coming back to work" to "actually No! Ive changed my mind! Ive just this minute started bleeding heavily goodbye!" I politely hung up & phoned the Dr's while sat on the toilet shaking. I had only phoned them 20 mins before! They advised me to go straight to A&E.

I phoned Wayne in a state & told him to meet me at A&E. He was half hour away in Ipswich. Lucky for me, I only had a 5min drive. I don't know how I drove through all the tears & shaking. I didn't think about calling anyone to take me, just grabbed my keys & went on auto pilot. I could feel myself leaking as I drove around looking for a parking space. I must have looked like one crazy woman. By now I was begging my babies to hang on in there & calling my nan hoping she was looking down on me to help me.

I sat in A&E & sobbed like I was the only one sitting there, I couldn't give a toss who stared. I had my BP, urine & bloods taken & got wheeled to the gynae ward. By this time Wayne was with me. He must have driven like a bat out of hell. He said the song on the radio was Leona Lewis' Keep Bleeding. Bad timing! I had an uncomfortable examination to see if the cervix was open or closed. It was slightly open. I was still heavily bleeding. Dr booked me in for an emergency scan. Typical NHS! they couldn't fit me in until 10.30 am the next day. I was beside myself it wasn't even 3pm, hardly closing time. Surely some of the scans booked were routine so why couldn't they squeeze in an emergency scan & put me first?

They got me a bed, it took me courage to walk out to the bathroom. I'd attempt to stand & each time I'd whoosh. I lay awake all night. I really thought it was the beginning of the end for this pregnancy. At 3am I had an overwhelming urge to hug Jasmine, I felt so lucky to have her. I made up my mind then & there that I would never put myself through IVF & pregnancy again. To get this far hadn't been easy. I wasn't being weak , but strong enough to move on & accept my family as the 3 of us. I could live with the fact that I'd tried everything for another child.

I had wanted the vomiting to stop yet I now wanted to be sick! I wanted a sign that a least one of the babies was still alive. Its common to lose a twin, I wondered if that was the cause of the bleed? I hadn't been sick all evening.

5.12.07 -11wks 4d

When they came round with the breakfast trolley at 6.45 am I went to sit up ready, as soon as I moved like every other morning I wanted to vomit!! Ive never been so happy to chuck!! It was such a good sign! I texted Wayne, mum & sisters to tell them. They were like "YAY!! keep on puking!"
A couple of hours later one of the ladies in the bay looked at me with pity & said "Oh you poor thing, You must have been sick at least 8 times, how are you feeling? She then looked at me strangely when I said I felt on top of the world!

Although I was still bleeding, it had slowed down a lot. Wayne came with me to the scan. I didn't dare look at the screen at first. I saw the two babies & held my breath as he zoomed in to detect their heartbeats. THEY WERE BOTH ALIVE!!! The sonographer said they looked fine! I was elated! we both cried. Then his face dropped & he zoomed in on one of the twins & said Im sorry I want to give you good news but there is fluid on the back of the babies head. My immediate thought was Downs syndrome. He appologised for leading us to think they were ok & went to see if he could find the genetic counsellor so she could explain more. Wayne cried, I sat in shock.

The genetic counsellor said there were 4 reasons for the high amount of nuchal fluid on the neck:
1. The baby has downs syndrome
2.Baby has a heart defect
3. Baby is about to die
4. Baby is fine , there is no reason.

She explained that not every woman would want to go ahead, & that I wouldn't be judged. But it would mean terminating at 32 weeks to give the other twin a chance of survival because at this point they breathe on their own. The 32 wk thing freaked me out.

Twin 1 with high nuchal fluid measured 11wks 1 day
Twin 2 measured spot on, 11wks 4 days

The smaller measurements for twin 1 left me sure something was wrong. I was given a blood test for genetic abnormalities. They weighed me on the ward. Through all the sickness I had gone from a healthy 8st 3 during IVF to 6st 11lbs (loss of 21lbs or 1 1/2 stone). Instead of growing out of my jeans, I was wearing old ones that had got too tight. Previously when I was around 7st 2 I bought size 0 skirts for my hols in Gap. But now I was even lower in weight. As much as the consultant told me that the babies were growing well. I couldn't help worrying that I was too thin to be nearly 12wks pg with twins. I had no tummy, looked & felt bloody awful.
I went home from hospital later that afternoon.

10.12.07-12wks 2d

The genetic counsellor told me that she would have the results first thing. So from 9am I waited for the phone to ring. The whole day went by very slowly, I felt jumpy when the phone rang ,but disappointed when it wasn't her. I had my mum with me. By 3.30 she phoned & said there was a hold up as the consultant wanted to review the results. This made me panic, Why was there a hold up? She promised to call back before she finished at 4.30.

She called at 4.15. The results came back 1 in 5 for Downs syndrome & 1 in 12 for Edwards disease. High risk for Downs was 1 in 250 or lower. I was in such shock I had to get her to repeat the scores several times, I couldnt take in what she was saying to me. She had booked me for another scan for the 14th.

11.12.07-12wks 3d

I had friends call me as I still hadn't returned to work. I was finding it hard to take it all in & digest it all myself. I didn't want to answer the phone to anyone. I needed things clear in my own head first. It was hard enough discussing it all with family & getting them to understand what everything meant. I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

14.12.07-12wks6d

I went back for a scan as one of the possibilities for high nuchal fluid was that one twin could be dying. They said at the time I could lose a baby in the next few weeks after all I was still bleeding lightly. The scan was needed to rule this out or confirm it.

They were both still alive, Both appeared to be thriving,
Twin 1 (with high nucal fluid) measured 12 wks 2d
Twin 2 measured 12 wks 6d (spot on).

What with the heavy bleed, which is often mother natures way of trying to get rid of a baby growing less than perfect. The high amount Of nuchal fluid,(marker for d/s) The smaller measurements for twin 1 (typical of d/s) along with the high risk score. I was convinced my baby had Downs syndrome. All along, throughout the pregnancy I kept thinking "Im pregnant! this happens for everyone else, not usually me, so what the catch?" Again when I found I was having twins I thought it was too good to be true "whats the catch?" I really thought I had discovered what the catch was.

An amnio referral was made in London in a twin specialist unit where they are used to performing amnio's on twins. They don't touch twins in my local hospital.
Still vomiting & having sleepless nights.



Twin 1 is on my maternal right side & is displayed here on the right.
Twin 2 is on my maternal left side & is displayed here on the left.

Can't help studying the pictures for signs & differences.
I couldn't believe the difference in 10 yrs, since seeing Jasmine's 12 week scan. The babies are so much clearer, so much more detail on the screen. The scan pics don't truly give you an idea of what its like to see them on the screen. Its amazing. Love them both already!!

2ND TRIMESTER

My amnio was booked for the 8th Jan for when I was 16 wks pregnant. This meant a long wait , 4 wks of worrying & sleepless nights. Not knowing whats ahead is always the worst part. Had many people tell me not to worry& forget about it. Im sure they meant well but if it was happening to them Im sure they would worry too.

Just kept thinking about how hard it would be coping with a set of healthy twins let alone having one of them with special needs. How would it affect my life? would I be caring for my child in my 70's? If the baby had edwards how long will s/he live? hours? months? up to a year?
So many thoughts.... I could busy myself by day but at night my mind would do overtime.

I felt like cancelling xmas until I saw how excited Jasmine was. She had counted down the days on her calendar until xmas from start of November. To see her dance around her bedroom in a santa hat playing tacky xmas classics over & over again really made me smile. How could I not be happy?!
Decided xmas would be a good distraction.

17-12-07-13wks 2 d

I can feel the babies move already. Like bubbles popping. I felt this at 19 wks with first pg. But 2nd time around & 8 limbs moving about instead of 4 Ive felt it much sooner.

4-1-08- 15wks 6d

Still spot bleeding after heavy bleed a month ago exactly. I phoned London to make sure amnio can still go ahead tuesday with the bleeding. I would have been so disappointed to be told to wait even longer as the wait was killing me already. I got the go ahead!

8-1-08-16wks 3d

We got a lift to the station & went by train up to London. Thought it would be less stressful than driving & getting lost & stuck in traffic. I didn't sleep wll the night before, kept asking myself Am I doing the right thing? I'm putting 2 babies at risk of miscarrage. But it was the right thing for me. I felt the need to know one way or the other so I know what Im faced with.

The specialist looked at the babies by ultrasound & said he was quite confident that they both appeared normal. They were measuring practically the same for everything- head circumfrence, length, femur etc. Most important of all the nuchal fluid had gone down! He said if there was a problem it would have raised or stayed the same. We then had a choice of whether we wanted to go ahead or not. As much as he was confident He couldnt be 100% Could he be wrong? We hadn't travelled all that way only to go home & still not know for sure whether our baby was okay.

They drew fluid from both babies sacs through the guidance of ultrasound. I couldn't watch, I turned away & squeezed Waynes hand. In the time they took to put on their sterile gloves & take the needle out of its packet, this was in reality seconds but felt forever. I thought to myself How would I feel if the needle they were about to pierce me with, was actually going to be placed in my baby's heart at 32 wks? I would not be lying there!! From that moment I knew 100% I would have both twins whatever the outcome.

The needle was uncomfortable like a heavy pressure. Unfortunately the fluid they drew from both sacs was full of my old blood from the heavy bleed in Dec which could affect the result. He said that it was very unlikely they would be able to give me my preliminary results as promised in 3 days time that would rule out the 3 major chromosomal disorders Downs, Edwards & pataus. He couldn't tell me for sure whether we would get the full results in 3 weeks time either. We were so disappointed, we could have put our babies at risk for nothing!

Straight after the procedure I had to lay down for half hour or so. As I lay there I started to experience quite a lot of pain. It felt like a vice like grip aroound my back & stomach. It really scared me, I didn't want to move & was frightened of miscarrying. Started to regret the amnio & thought what the hell have I done?

Fortunately the pain did wear off enough to get a taxi to liverpool st where we got on a fast train home, then taxi to my front door.



Twin 1 is on the right
Twin 2 on the left.

The scans were much clearer in London than in Colchester. It was great to get to see them both again.


9-1-08-16wks 4d

I was told to rest for 48 hours. Wayne took the day off so I was like lady muck with my feet up. Yes I really milked it!

10-1-08-16wks 5d

Mum came over & offered to do a heap of ironing telling me to rest. Well im hardly going to say no!!

I felt tearful today as I recieved my inheritance money from nan in the post. I couldn't use it to pay for a healthy baby, even if it was 100 times the amount, money doesn't buy health. It was a strange feeling, the cheque didn't mean anything which made me feel so ungreatful. Id rather have my nan than the money anyway.

11-1-08-16wks 6d

At 4pm today my mobile phone went while I was driving. Typical! I was left a message from London hospital saying they had results in! I got Wayne to call them back at 4.30 when he got home. I was too scared!
YAY!!!!! They ruled out downs, Edwards & pataus. I cried with relief & feel like Ive won the lottery!! Although we havent all the results ruling out less common chromosomal disorders Im sure everythings ok now!!!

12-1-08-17wks

Phoned work fit for duty. Really have missed work, feel a need to go back.

2 little girls!!!!!!!!!

we discussed names as a family involving Jasmine. So our little girls will be known as......

Isobel Hope & Sophia Joy

from the moment I found I was having twins, they were the two middle names I was adamant on having if I was to have girls. They may seem a bit cheesy but I don't care!

Hope- after "hoping " to have another child for so long & "hoping" the IVF would work

Joy-after finding out I was finally pregnant. "Joy" for finding Ive been doubly blessed with twins.Finally "Joy" (here's Hoping...!) of having them in my arms in May/June.

4-2-08-20wks2d

I had my 20 wk anomaly scan. Its always good to see them both on the screen. It seemed to take forever with 2 babies to measure & check. I started to feel sick from the pressure of the babies lying on my arteries where I was flat on my back for too long. They had to stop a few times for me to roll on my side to relieve the feeling.

The babies are fine, everything appearing as it should appart from the length of their arms & legs which are outside normal range. The consultant took one look at the size of me & wasn't concerned. So it looks as if we are having 2 little ladies!! They measured 17wks 5d as opposed to 20 wks 2d. (my dates can't be wrong following IVF)

Following the scan I had a check up. Usual B.P check, urine dipped. I said to the Dr. that I felt anaemic & wanted a blood test. He said I didn't look it! Hello? I look very pale & feeling tired. In fact I'm fed up of people commenting on how pale. When am I going to bloom?!!!! He checked my eyes & said a blood test wasn't needed. I told him that I'd been off meat since the start of my pregnancy, didn't eat hardly anything throughout the 1st trimester. I told him of my 21lb weight loss. He still said a blood test wasn't necessary! I insisted on one anyway! I know my own body & thought he was pretty crap actually!

Wayne took the day off, so we went to mothercare world. Since getting the all clear from the amnio Im starting to feel more relaxed. I havent even looked at baby clothes or equipment let alone bought anything. Finding out I'm having 2 girls means I can go pink shopping!. The clothes are so cute!! Its hard to know what size to buy. Twins tend to be small but it depends when I have them as to how small.

Do I buy "Tiny baby" up to 5lb? "early baby" up to 7 1/2lb? or Newborn up to 11lb?!!
Sod it! I'll get all sizes!! excuse to spend on cutsie clothes!! I'll end up with enough clothes for sextuplets lol!! Oh well! if tiny is too small the twins will have clothes for their dollies!!!
Wonder what size they will be? Jasmine was 6lb 6oz at 41 weeks so I can't imagine they will be big girls....I might get a shock!!



Twin 1 (or should I say Sophia!) is here on the right. She appears to have an alien head!! but it is the profile of her sister added on to her head. They are sitting in the breech position next to each other.

Twin 2 (Isobel) looks bigger than her sister in the pic, but she has been scanned closer. They measured near enough the same.

11-2-08-21wks2d

Weight-7st3. still 14 lb under start weight.
Got letter through the post to say I had low haemoglobin levels. So that doctor was wrong! Got prescription for iron tablets. Ive tried to take iron tablets over the past few weeks but they make me vomit. Hope I'll hld these down as I need something to perk me up. I feel so tired, still looking so pale.

15-2-08-21wks6d

Struggled at work today. I got sent to another ward where they were short staffed. It was busy & I was on my feet most of the time. I am now beginning to feel heavy & stretched like the twins don't have enough room. Its almost like I need to expand to create room. Very different from a singleton pg. I didn't get back & lower stomach ache this early before. My tum is definately starting to sprout more now.

16-2-08-22wks

I gave up my Fiesta & sold it to my sister today. We bought my sister in laws Zafira. Felt sad giving up my little lady car but theres no way I'll be fitting twins, double buggy,x2 car seats, changing bags etc plus a 10 yr old into a fiesta! Only snag is it feels like a mini bus! how the hell am I going to park it! So used to driving something small!

20-2-08-22wks 4d

weight-7st 6! 3lb gain in just over a week! 11lb to go to get back to start weight.
Went for appointment with human resourses to find out about maternity pay. The earliest I can start is 29 wks which would be sensible carrying twins. Lucky for me 29 wks is the start of April, beginning of the finacial year so Iam taking 3 weeks A/L & officially start Mat leave on the 27th April at 32 weeks. My last shift is 4th April! Maternity leave is now 9mths which takes me up to January. Iwill then tag on my remaining 4 wks A/L from then. So i'll have quite a bit of time with the twins before returning to work.

22-2-08-22wks6d

Double buggy got delivered today! We saw it in Mothercare world for £269.99. The saleswoman showed me how easy it was to collapse. It folds forward in half & then in half again seat to seat. It was the lightest double buggy there at 8.2kg. I learnt from having Jasmine the lighter the better! I couldn't wait to ditch her pram for a light weight buggy that I could collapse with one hand and carry baby & changing bag in the other arm! The saleswoman probably thought she had a definate sale but then we bought it online for £195 from somewhere else!!!

Went to Pizza Express for lunch with friends. Better make the most of eating out. Wont be possible soon!

24-2-08-23wks1d

Wayne painted the nursery pink while I was at work. Thats the good thing about knowing their sex. I can go girly pink instead of safe neutral!

29-2-08-23wks6d

Weight-7st 8lbs (106lbs). Gained another 2lbs this week! I'm back onto chocolate woo hoo! mmm! Snickers! Friends & family bought me chocolate after my egg transfer during IVF & I couldn't touch it which is very bizarre for a chocoholic. I should have guessed that I was pregnant even before my pg test. During my first pg I went off it until around 20 wks too.

All my weight has gone to my belly nowhere else. I could do with a bit on my ars, its still looking flat! my jeans hang on it. Oh! I want a pert peachy bum!! lol!! A visit from the boobie fairy would be good too!!! Now Ive said that I'm going to become a big fat biffer!!!!! & then moan that I'm as wide as I am tall like an oompa-loompa! or a weeble!!

1-3-08-24wks

Nan died 1yr ago today. I was very close to her. I went back to the town where she lived with Jasmine & my sisters. We had lunch where she used to take us. It was a nice day out. We looked round the shops. I can't shop for long without getting backache & a feeling of my stomach pulling. One woman looked at me & said with pity "Not long now!" I was mortified! but smiled sweetly!! I didn't want to admit to being only 24 wks! I don't think I look like I'm going to drop anytime! I'm not that big....yet!

6-3-08-24wks5d

Weight-7st 10lbs (108lbs)
Belly is itchy especially my protruding belly button. Its red oh no! does that mean stretch marks are on their way??! I got away with it during my 1st pg. With twins??.......doubt it!



18-3-08-(26wks3d)

Weight-7st 12 (110lb)
Went for an antenatal check up today. Heard their heart beats.One was 168bpm. He picked them up straight away which he said is unusal with twins. My bump is all babies! Im measuring 32+ weeks (for singleton pg).

Feeling more breathless at times. Sit bolt upright in bed like Ive had a nightmare just to catch my breath some nights. They must lie awkwardly. I feel faint when I do too much, have to lie down with my legs up on cushions now & again. My BP must get low.

At least im not vomiting! all is good! I just feel sick when I don't get to eat soon enough. The twins want to be fed 2 hrly! so I eat little & often. Now sick once in a blue moon- yay!

It was St Patricks day yesterday, to celebrate my 2 little ladies were doing the Riverdance on my mother mary! lol!! I swear all I could feel were 4 legs moving low down,no arms!!! Unfortunately they don't just leave Riverdancing just for St Patricks day only!

The nursery is now complete. Their mirrored wall letters were delivered today so they have their names above their cots. I love it!