lyndz9900
	Age: 22 Country: Province/region: City: Partner: Steven Children: Yes, 1 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation: Student/Retail
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: Nothing added yet. Member since: 1625 days
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So today I am 9 weeks and a few days pregnant. Breast tenderness has lessened though is still lingering, I haven't had a lot of morning sickness though I do get a little queasy throughout the day if I get hungry and I have had only once instance where I ate some waffles and well baby didn't like it too much. I know I am "not showing" yet, though my pants aren't fitting anymore, everyone at work is starting to see the bulge and actually starting to rub it and talk to it already..ha. I am sure its only bloating, but I look about 4 months pregnant. This is my first, so I am not even sure how I am suppose to look or when I am suppose to start showing. This is all definitely an adventure for me. I am a little concerned since it feels like my symptoms have stopped too abuptly, but like I said, I am new at this, so I am not exactly sure what to think. I went to the doctors office for my first ultrasound and at 7 weeks, was able to see the heart beat. I went back to another doctor and she said that when the heart starts beating, a miscarriage is less likely. So that was comforting. I guess the biggest sign of this pregnancy is always being sooo tired. I know that if I sleep about 9 hours, it is going to be tough for me to make it through work until 10:30. If I have to get up even earlier, I am a bitch to work with. If I get plenty of sleep, like 10 hours or more, I am usually ok. So that has been the biggest thing for me..

It is September 3rd and me and the childs father just broke up this morning. It is probably for the best but I still can't help but feel extremely upset and depressed. I am not upset because I lost the love of my life, as bad as that sounds, because he wasn't the right one, but I am upset because I am now a single parent....which I have looked down on my entire life. I feel like less of a person and a bad start to parenting because of it.

Friday, 12 Oct

Today is October 11th and I am getting used to the fact that I Will be raising this child on my own...well without the father of the baby...I will never do this alone, I have unbelievable friends and family. The absence of the father is my choice. He will of course have his parental rights, but I told him that unless he gets his act together he won't be a part of this childs life. I have had enough of the roller coaster in my own life with him...I am not going to ensure the same for my child. My entire family is also against him having a part in raising this child. His family is on my side as well...though they still want to be part of it. It is a difficult situation. But I am no longer trying to let go of Steven emotionally..I am past that and he knows that. I told him that I do love him but I don't know why I love him anymore. He of course didn't take that too well. Oh well. But things are good, and well I really couldn't complain about anything. Well other than having to wake up at 4 am for work tomorrow.blah :(

Tuesday, 23 Oct

I was really trying to figure out what I was goin to about the baby's father and whether or not to keep him in its life. I wondered if we had a girl if that would change him. I asked him last night if our little girl met a guy with his lifestyle now, what would he do? He said he would be disappointed and would try to keep them apart. I wonder if seeing the hurt in his own daughters eyes will give him a sense of understanding of what he had put me and other girls through. He said he had to and all he could say was that he loved me and wished I would give him another chance. I don't think he realized that that wasn't an option. Our relationship is over, there will never be a relationship between us again..all that matters now is our child together and the question of the matter is, is he giong to change enough to be in his childs life. what I saw yesterday, he won't. It makes me really sad, but at the same time, I am content with the fact. There are many happy little boys and girls out there whos family loves them, has plenty of male role models, and live good lives. I believe mine will do the same! I hope anyway.

Friday, 2 Nov

I am almost 19 weeks, and well I won't find out whether I am having a Breanna Nicole or Cameron Bradley until mid December! SO far away and I am a bit disappointed that I have to wait that long, but I guess it will be a good Christmas present. I can't wait to be a mommy! I just can't wait!

Tuesday, 13 Nov

I had another doctors appointment and well it didn't do much good in my opinion. He asked me if everything was going well, well yeah, and we listened to the heartbeat. However, the heart beat, once at 168 starting out, is now at 133..:(, I have always been told that the higher the heart beat the higher the possibility of the girl. I have mothers intution telling me its a boy, though I want a little girl. I will be happy with a healthy baby though, but I guess part of me wants a girl because daddy wants a girl. Who knows..just bring me my child already.geez! I find out December 12th what I am having and I I still have so long to go...I am too impatient!

Sunday, 9 Dec

I find out what I am having in less than five days...I am not super excited though and I don't know why. I want a little girl for so many reasons, one big one is that I don't know how to raise a boy. I have always been a girly girl, the makeup, the clothes, etc. I have been an athlete all my life, but it was softball. Plus the father wants a little girl, and I want him to have a little girl so bad. Either way I will be happy as long as the baby is healthy. I jsut figured I would would be super excited around this time...I guess just planning a lot of things is getting stressful. If I could give advice to anyone it would be never to engage in a long-distance relationship. Planning the baby shower sucks. My whole family and all of my friends live in St. Louis...his family and friends are an hour and a half away...grr. I guess everything will figure itself out..it usually does.

Saturday, 22 Dec

It is hard to believe that I am more than half way through my pregnancy. In three months I will be holding my son, its unbelievable. They say that time flies by during pregnancy, and at first I laughed at that claim, however, now that I am half way through month 6, its crazy how fast it has went. I have decided on the name Trenton Bradley. Steven doesn `t like it too much, even though at one time he did agree on it. My heart was set on Cameron, but he hated it and suggested Tristin, and we COMPROMISED on Trenton. And now my mind is definitely not changing again. I fell in love with the Trenton. And Bradley is after my father who passed away. I feel kinda selfish choosing both the first and the last name, but my view on that is, I can almost guarantee that 95% of the child care will come from me..his mother. So I get to make most of the decisions. But I can `t wait until he gets here. I just can `t believe its right around the corner.

Friday, 11 Jan

I am in month 7 now, almost to that 8 month mark..I can `t believe it. Steven and I have been back together for a couple months now, and things are going well. So far so good...though that tends to change with us after a period of time. Oh well, things happen for a reason. I can `t believe that in 2 months I could be holding Trenton. It is so exciting and nerve recking too!

Thursday, 31 Jan

Ah today I am 8 months pregnant..I can `t believe I am in my 9th month. I have felt Trenton so much and I actually feel pregnant now. Took a while to get to that point, but its there. I have the flu right now, so its kinda tough to feed the lil guy, but I am tryin my darndest. It is getting so close, and I am so scared, yet so excited. I broke up with the childs father yesterday which was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I was so tired of trying to force him love me as much as I loved him...it reminds me of that song The winner at a losing game...kinda sorta anyway. But other than that, I am just trying to get through work...only a short time left!!